The Spiritual Workout

The Desert

2012-02-22T07:16:00.000-05:00

Unless you gave up cake for Lent...
then you can't come to the party.

The start of the Lenten season marks the one year* anniversary of my spiritual dry spell.

*Church year, not calendar year.

To commemorate this momentous occasion, I'm going to have an anniversary party. You're all invited!

Kidding.

Unfortunately, I'm not quite to the partying part yet. I have gotten to the point where I've accepted this dry spell - whatever it means - but I haven't gotten to the point of rejoicing. Maybe someday I will go all St. Paul and learn how to rejoice in my suffering (2 Cor 12:10, Rom 5:3, Col 1:24, etc.), but until then, I'll have to save my cake-eating and happy-dancing for other occasions.

I suppose it is fitting that my dry spell began with Lent last year. I entered the desert with Christ, but for reasons known only to God, I didn't experience the joyous resurrection of coming out of the spiritual desert when Easter rolled around. While there have been brief periods of spiritual enlightenment, joy, and revelation, I haven't been able to leave that dry, arid desert for a year - at least, not yet.

Throughout the past year, I've had many people ask me what I mean by "spiritual dry spell" and to describe what it's like. This is not a question that offers an easy answer!

Jesus Ministered to by Angels, by James Tissot

Looking to Christ, we know a little about his 40 days in the desert. He ate nothing for 40 days, and when the days were over, he was hungry (that's the understatement of the year). We hear in this Sunday's Gospel that the angels ministered to him while he lived amongst the wild beasts.

Oh, and he was tempted by that pesky Devil. Over and over again. He was offered food, power, and riches - everything that someone in a weakened state could ever dream about - but Christ turned it all down.

While we have insight into what Jesus did in the desert through the Gospel accounts, we have no inkling of what his heart, mind, and soul were going through during that period in the spiritual wasteland.

Did he feel as if God had abandoned him?

Did he close his eyes to pray and see only darkness and emptiness?

Did his heart yearn for the closeness he once felt with the Father?

I don't have the answers as to what Christ went through. I think that perhaps he had to experience that in some way, since he was human in every way but sin. We all go through periods of spiritual dryness, and these times are even more noticeable when we go from an on-fire faith life to being thrown in the desert. Each person experiences this dryness in a different way.

I can say that for me, my dry spell is not necessarily characterized by feelings or temptations, but by the lack of something - anything - which makes it difficult to describe.

This picture lacks a presence.

When I close my eyes to pray, it's not that it is dark, as if the light has been turned off. It's as if it is entirely empty, like there was never a light there in the first place. Where I once felt God's presence guiding my prayers, I now do not sense any presence at all. It is like there is a void that was once full and over-flowing. Where I used to be able to sit in tranquil silence, waiting to listen to God, the silence is now more noted by a lack of thoughts than a peaceful presence. I used to desire to go to Mass every day - like a girl giddy with love - but I no longer have that intense longing to be in His presence. Where I used to find rest before, the past year has felt as if I've been carrying a heavy burden. No matter how much I try to sit at Christ's feet, I still feel as if I'm begging to be recognized. Most significantly, it doesn't feel as if I have been carrying a cross with Christ, but all of this has felt as if I've been all alone.

In my heart, I know that God hasn't left me, and I know that I haven't been carrying this alone, but that doesn't make the sensation of feeling alone any less. I can read and reflect on the idea of suffering all I want, but that doesn't actually make the suffering go away. At the end of the day, I can accept it all while still wondering why I'm in this spiritual state, right here and right now.

I think one of the most significant things I have learned in this past year through a lot of reflection and even more spiritual direction is that God has a plan for all of this. He has led me to this dry spell - and kept me there -for reasons only known to Him. We even read in all of the Gospel accounts that it is the Holy Spirit that leads Jesus into the desert. Not the Devil. Not some shiny object. God Himself leads Christ into the desert. Scripture doesn't say why, but we know that there must be a good - and important - reason why God would not only allow this to happen, but also to actually lead His son into the dryness. If He had a reason for doing that for Christ, then He must have a reason for doing it for me, too.

All I know is that whatever is coming for me after all of this must be big. After all, Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert only to come out and begin his public ministry, proclaiming the Kingdom of God, and calling all sinners to repent and believe in the Gospel. (Mk 1:12-15) While I don't see myself busting out of this dry spell standing on street corners yelling at people to repent - it's not really my style - I have come to trust over the past year that there is something big in the works. Someday, I will hopefully look back at this time in my life and think, "That's what it all was for." Until then, I just have to keep praying - begging is the more correct term - and wait. Just as Christ came out of the desert, I will someday too, still walking along beside Him.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#33)

2012-02-17T01:07:00.003-05:00

Hosted by Betty Beguiles this week!

The beauty of the Catholic Church is that we always have a Prayer Army to call upon in our time of need!

I started a novena to St. Joseph this week. Will you keep my novena intention in your prayers?
My youngest sister is getting confirmed in May, and has asked me to be her sponsor. Will you pray for her, especially as she is going on her retreat on Monday?
A good friend has two very difficult exams today. Will you pray for the Holy Spirit to bring him calm and peace during this stressful time?
Please keep one of my good friends from home in your prayers. I get the feeling that he is struggling a lot with his faith right now. Please pray that he will be led back to the Church, and pray that I can know how to better reach out to him with love and understanding.
I have been asked to help lead a retreat for young adults. Will you pray for our retreat core leadership team as we work over the next six weeks to plan a powerful retreat experience for ourselves and those who join us for a weekend away?

Let's pray for our priests! For the ones who always try to speak the truth. For the ones who speak the truth gently. For the ones who speak the truth forcefully. For the ones who cause people to leave the pews because they can't handle the truth. For the ones who no longer know the truth. For the ones who no longer care about the truth. Our priests are one of our most powerful weapons against the evils of this world, and we need them all fighting for Christ and his Church. St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle!
I would be happy to pray for your intentions as well. Do you have any special intentions you would like me to remember in my prayers this week?

Here is a great recording of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy set to song. One of my friends found it this past week, and I've found comfort in it. I hope you enjoy it, too!

Some things are only proven over time

2012-02-16T22:21:00.002-05:00

I believe that Audrey Assad described this song as a "love song", but when heard this song for the first time, all I could think about was my spiritual dry spell. How cold and dark and lonely it can be sometimes, but also the hope I have that so much good will come of it.

I think my favorite part in this song is "What if the seasons help us realize?/Some things are only proven over time." Sometimes we don't understand God's reasoning or timing, but the different seasons we go through in our spiritual lives can bear so much fruit. I wanted to share this song with you all, and I hope you check out her latest album, Heart.

What if we find ourselves beneath the snow?
Our warmest words all frozen in our throats
And all we feel is left out in the cold
You and I

What if the days grow short and lose their light?
What if the coals burn black and the embers die?
And we can't find each other in the night?
You and I

Even the winter won't last forever
We'll see the morning; we'll feel the sun
We'll wake up in April ready and able
Holding the seeds and the soil
Of our love
Of our love

What if the ice we tread is just too thin?
What if we can't escape the squall we're in
What if our hearts of stone are permanent?
You and I
You and I

Even the winter won't last forever

We'll see the morning; we'll feel the sun

We'll wake up in April ready and able

Holding the seeds and the soil

Of our love

What if the spring comes soon and we're surprised?

What if the seasons help us realize?

Some things are only proven over time

Even the winter won't last forever

We'll see the morning; we'll feel the sun

We'll wake up in April ready and able

Holding the seeds and the soil

Even the darkness cannot disarm us
We'll see the morning, we'll feel the sun
We'll break up the Earth 'cause we know that it's worth it
Sowing the seeds in the soil
Of our love
Of our love
Of our love
Of our love

- Even The Winter, Audrey Assad

* I don't own the rights to the lyrics or music.

Excuse Me While I Swoon

2012-02-14T20:59:00.001-05:00

Check out the other great posts on "Literary Crushes and How They Shaped Our Hearts"!

Looking back on my literary crushes, I don't think I really knew why I fell for these fictional lads at the time. I just did.

It was when I started learning more about the Catholic faith, chastity, and the dignity of women that I could look back on my childhood - er, well, continuing past childhood - crushes and see that what I saw in them was what I did and still do long for in a real man.

I don't mean what society tells us is a real man - the macho, beer-drinking, sports-watching, money-making, crude joke-cracking, sometimes jerk player kind of "man".

I'm talking about a real, real man. All you ladies know what I'm talking about. He is masculine. He is respectful. He is patient. He is humble. He appreciates women. He is in control of his desires. He doesn't pressure women to be who they aren't. He loves his mama and looks up to his papa. He knows how to make money, but doesn't let that rule his world. He doesn't boast. He has a hilarious sense of humor, and loves the sound of your laugh. He knows how to make sacrifices... and makes them willingly. He knows who Love is, and strives to emulate Him by loving you.

That looks like me on the right, right?

Oh, and he's a handsome prince.

Kidding.

(Not really.)

I think one of the things I have learned most from my literary crushes is not that they have shaped my heart, but that they show me what is already imprinted on my heart.

Mr. Darcy

Excuse me. *Leaves the computer to swoon.* Thank you.

Is it really any surprise that Mr. Darcy makes the list? I know I'm not the only one to have fallen victim to Mr. Darcy's love spell. Actually, I think it has almost been scientifically proven that any woman who reads (or sees!) Pride and Prejudice falls in love with the brooding and mysterious male lead.

I find Mr. Darcy rather handsome. (Image credit)

It's certainly not because of that famous opening line: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Sure, his $10,000 pounds a year is exciting to Mrs. Bennet, but it sure doesn't get my heart thumping.

I think a line from the movie really emulates why we all find Mr. Darcy... desirable:

You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you ... you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

Mr. Darcy sacrificed so much out of love for Lizzy, yet he never sought to make it known to her. What woman doesn't long to hear the words that a man has done everything he has for love of her, and her alone? What woman doesn't want to feel that kind of sacrificial love? We all seek this - even if we don't realize it. We seek this in a man, and we seek this with God - to be forever be bonded to him.

Prince Char

... *cricket cricket* ...

If Ella says no, I'll say yes!

Oh, sorry, I had to leave to go swoon again.

Sure, Ella Enchanted might be written for girls ages 8 and up, and yes, I may have read it for the millionth time in the past few months, but there is something that touched my 8 year old heart that still touches my 25 year old heart when I read about the friendship between Prince Char and Ella that eventually blossoms into love.

Plus, Prince Char is just a cute patootie. Sliding down stair rails in the castle? Sign me up! Learning to speak crazy Gnomic language? Hot! Rescuing the damsel in distress from hungry ogres? My hero!

I think what I have always loved most about Prince Char is how he views Ella. Others see Ella as odd, clumsy, awkward, spunky, quirky... the list goes on. I know that all of these words and many more have been used to describe me in the past. Yet, Prince Char sees all of these qualities not as setting Ella as an untouchable outsider, but for making her the unique woman that she is. He matches her quirky sense of humor, rescues her when she needs it, has the humility to need her too, exhibits patience in waiting for her to be ready for their relationship, and then doesn't give up when he knows that it's time for their life together to begin. Many children's book lads are portrayed as either following lasses around in a lovey dovey daze or pushing the ladies to their "awakening." Prince Char doesn't do either of these, but instead walks alongside Ella, seeing her as his equal and loving her for exactly who she is. I don't think I've ever met a woman who doesn't recognize that a man like that is a catch.

Shakespeare

My boyfriend.

I know what you're thinking. Shakespeare isn't a literary character! You would be correct. I do, however, have a major crush on The Bard. Why, you ask? The man had a way with words, and he managed to create some of the most timeless, intricate, and swoon-worthy characters of all time.

Our love story began my freshmen year of high school. I can't explain to you why I first loved Shakespeare, but I can tell you that it was love at first sight. I became enticed by his words, and I felt a deep emotional connection to his works. Maybe it’s because he was secretly Catholic, but the man knew how to write the poetry of love.

I could go on and on with examples, so I'll try to only throw a few your way. How about this classic line from Romeo and Juliet?

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Sure, their love affair happened in a matter of a week, but that Romeo did it right. Juliet became the only light he needed. As my high school English teacher would say, he wooed her, wed her, and bed her. All while speaking in pretty poetry. Romance!

Romeo and Juliet is soooo over-rated, I hear you say. Fine then. I bet you've never read The Tempest. There we encounter Ferdinand, who has been stranded on an island with the eccentric Prospero and his daughter Miranda. Ferdinand admits that he has "known" many women, yet when he first sees Miranda, he recognizes the purity and beauty in her. To win her hand, Prospero sets menial tasks for Ferdinand to complete. A man who was just hoping to use Miranda for his own pleasure might mumble and grumble, but love has clearly changed Ferdinand:

Ferdinand.

I am, in my condition,
A prince, Miranda; I do think, a king, -
I would not so! - and would no more endure
This wooden slavery than to suffer
The flesh-fly blow by mouth. Hear my soul speak:
The very instant that I saw you, did
My heart fly to your service; there resides
To make me slave to it; and for your sake
Am I this patient log-man.

Miranda.

Do you love me?

Ferdinand.

O heaven, O earth, bear witness to this sound,
And crown what I profess with kind event,
If I speak true! if hollowly, invert
What best is boded me to mischief! I,
Beyond all limit of what else i' the world,
Do love, prize, honour you. (Act III, Scene i)

By becoming enslaved to her soul, he has been set free by love. He prizes and honors her for the true treasure that she is. What woman wouldn't swoon at these words?

This idea of having to work hard, make sacrifices, and yes, even suffer to find true love is echoed throughout Shakespeare's works. While none of us really desire suffering, we seek it in the sense that out of suffering emerges true love. Shakespeare said it well in A Midsummer Night's Dream:

The course of true love never did run smooth.

What wise words. Love always involves suffering, and requires willing sacrifices from those involved. Our hearts seek another who is willing to do anything and give anything to show his love for you, and my heart has always recognized this in the writings of The Bard.

Why do these literary crushes make me go weak in the knees? Because in my heart - in all of our hearts - our definition of true love doesn't change. What we seek in a man doesn't change, even if society tries to teach us otherwise.

While falling head over heels in love with an imaginary man isn’t encouraged, reflecting on just what it is that takes our breath away can teach us a thing or two about the desires of our heart. These literary crushes may not have shaped my heart, but they can reflect how my heart has been molded by God for Love.

We found Love in a hopeless place

2012-02-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

Christ of St. John of the Cross by Salvador Dali

*Please, DO NOT watch the actual music video for the song in the title. It's not really appropriate.*

Choice: The Devil's Disguise?

2012-01-22T15:03:00.001-05:00

Hosted by Jill Stanek

Unfortunately, evil has been present in our world since the fall of Lucifer and his angels, and it will be present until the end of the world.

Because we have been given free will, we will always have the option to choose evil over good.

That doesn't mean evil is ever the right choice.

Society choosing evil over what is right has led to wars, genocides, the spreading of disease, and a general stomping on the little guy all over the world.

No matter how you try to spin it, abortion is evil to the core. The Devil likes to disguise evil in appealing forms, but let's face it - abortion really isn't a very good disguise.

Just because we can choose evil doesn't mean we should. We have been given a choice so that we can choose to do the right thing.

So I ask, what does "pro-choice" actually mean? Is it promoting choosing good over evil, or is it just another disguise that the Devil hides behind?

I am for choice... the right choice. I choose to always fight for life.

Be a Window

2012-01-17T08:00:00.020-05:00

Reflection on the Epistle from the Second Sunday in Ordinary Time

This post was originally written for the Bright Maidens topic of "Honoring God with Our Bodies." Plans changed, but I still wanted to share since it relates to this past Sundays readings!

I've been wanting to get back to writing posts again, but I've been feeling a lack of inspiration lately when the time comes for me to sit down and write. As I was brainstorming this past week, I realized that I could go 15 different ways with the topic of "Honoring God with Our Bodies", which meant I would probably regale you all with another one of my novel-length posts, but I just didn't know where to start or where it would end up.

It was at Mass on Sunday when I finally felt like the thought faucet had been turned back on:

Brothers and sisters:
The body is not for immorality, but for the Lord,
and the Lord is for the body;
God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power.
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?
But whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one Spirit with him.
Avoid immorality.
Every other sin a person commits is outside the body,
but the immoral person sins against his own body.
Do you not know that your body
is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you,
whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
For you have been purchased at a price.
Therefore glorify God in your body. (1 Cor 6:13-15, 17-20)

I could write about modesty or chastity or pornography or many other things when it comes to honoring God with our bodies, but it wasn't any of these ideas that spoke to me while I listened at Mass. It was the last line of this reading especially, where St. Paul commands each of us to "glorify God in your body," that made me think more simply.

Some major son power. Heh, get it?

Have you ever met someone who just seems to radiate Christ with every fiber of his or her being? I've had the privilege of meeting and knowing quite a few people where you can just see their love for Christ reflecting from their bodies. Sure, these people dress modestly and live chaste lives, but glorifying God in your body is so much more than that. It's a sort of aura, a glow, that just emanates out and has the profound power to draw people in. It's a joy that is shown in a wide smile, loud laughter, a twinkle in the eye, a warm hug, finding happiness on even the darkest of days - not just honoring God with their bodies, but also glorifying Him in their bodies.

St. Paul asks, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you?" The phrase "temple of the Holy Spirit" is something that is thrown around a lot, but do we ever stop to think what it really and truly means? Our bodies carry the Holy Spirit to the world. This is not something to take lightly. If we are truly carrying Him in our bodies, we should always be radiating His joy, grace, and love to the point that we are blinding others by reflecting His light. To truly honor God, we need to allow our bodies to be windows and not doors. Be a temple of the Holy Spirit, and glorify God in your body by letting Him shine through.

Feast of the Epiphany

2012-01-08T19:38:00.000-05:00

The magi come from the East sincerely searching for "the newborn king of the Jews" following the signs given them by God. Like the magi, we too must diligently search for Christ, following God's signs. Even when we seem to lose sight of the star and the way forward is no longer clear, even when evil forces seek to thwart our search, we can trust that God never leaves us in darkness but always leads us to the Light.

Quotation: Living Liturgy, Epiphany 2012. Image: here

The Porn Post

2011-12-11T22:50:00.002-05:00

I've been away from posting for awhile, so I thought I would come back with a bang! You'll have to forgive me for the novel-length of this post, but just think of it as me combining a few weeks worth of posts into one!

I think that I generally tend to shy away from these kinds of posts, but I was so ~~offended~~ ~~appalled~~ offended and appalled by what I read in one of my recent issues of Glamour that I just couldn't keep from wading into the turbulent waters of ~~venting through my blog~~ a "controversial" topic.

I first started subscribing to Glamour about four years ago. At the time, I saw it as one of the few women's magazine that focused on empowering women instead of solely discussing sex.

I have definitely changed in these past four years, but I think this magazine has changed even more. Over time, I've gone from reading about how to succeed in the workplace and stories of women changing the world for the better to articles upon articles about how to please men in bed, contraception dos and don'ts, abortion, and the latest topic of porn.

Click on the images to see them in full size and read the original articles.

Pictures are blocked out due to inappropriate material.

As you can see from the articles above, the magazine takes the standpoint that:

Porn is normal.
It's okay for men to view porn.
Women should not feel threatened by men viewing porn.
Thus, women should be okay with porn, and even embrace it.

"Jake" knows everything.

They presented these ideas through their men's opinion section of the magazine, both through surveys of men and a commentary from "Jake", a real, live single guy who writes a monthly column about dating.*

*Jake is a pseudonym for a regular male columnist who writes about what men think in regards to dating, and everything that dating entails these days. The writer who portrays Jake sticks around until he is no longer a single guy. I happened to like the last Jake, who followed a woman he met across the ocean after pining for her in his column for months. This Jake - not so much. He enjoys one-night stands, teaching women how to please men, and porn! At the rate he's going, he might be here as a columnist for awhile...

Of the 101 men that were a part of the survey (quite the sampling, huh?), 62% said that they always masturbate when watching porn. When asked what they would do if their girlfriend had a problem with their porn, 53% of men said that they would "talk her through it until she understood it wasn't a threat to her."

But wait, it gets better.

Yea, I can't live without beer either.

68% of these men would rather give up porn than sports for a whole year, and a whopping 72% would give up porn over beer. Yet, only 38% of these men said they would give up porn in favor of their girlfriend (if she has a problem with it). I guess it's good to see that they have their priorities straight! Beer, sports, porn, then girlfriend.

As I read these survey results, I began to wonder if real men are actually like this or if they happened to find their "random" sample of men at The Playboy Club. But, then I turned the page to read Jake's opinion, Why Men Love Porn, and it all just got better and better.

In an attempt to keep my ~~disgust~~ thoughts organized, I'm going to highlight different things that Jake said in the order that they were written. His thoughts are italicized, and any additional emphasis is mine. Again, please click on the image above if you are interested in reading the entire article.

For my May column, I attempted to abstain from sex for a month, which had me thinking about (and often watching) porn. So I figured now might be a good time to explain guys' relationship to the weird world of recorded, artificial sex, which is a sort of cherished one.

What a great way to start of the column this month! In abstaining from sex, he turned even more to artificial sex... isn't that breaking the rules a bit? At least he recognizes that porn is artificial. (He then goes on to explain that next month he will return to writing about more "wholesome" topics... can't wait.)

My gal pals tell me this [porn] offends them more than razor stubble in the sink and dirty socks combined. They find porn a little lame and unarousing at best, and disgusting, exploitative and potentially harmful to the relationship at the worst.

Well, Jake, you are correct. Porn does offend me more than razor stubble in the sink and dirty socks... because those things don't offend me (and yes, I have had male roommates before in college, so I've been there). They might be annoying, or frustrating at best, but they don't offend me in the least. Porn, on the other hand, does offend me. Not because it is a little lame and unarousing (I've never watched it, as I've always left the room when friends have turned it on, so I wouldn't know from experience), but because I find it disgusting, exploitative, and extremely harmful to relationships.

Try not to fantasize, ladies.

To address why women find porn a bit lame and not arousing: this is probably because women, in general, crave more of an emotional connection with people. Porn does not give emotional connections, but makes up really weird (and sometimes awkward) scenarios where mind-blowing sex just happens to occur with random strangers. Women, in general, do not sit around waiting for the UPS guy hoping to have pornographic sex with him. They wait for the UPS guy to deliver the latest clothing item they ordered off the internet, sign their name on the tracking device, and send him off with a polite smile. Even if the UPS guy has a nice body and a flirty grin, he is not arousing in that way because we ladies don't build an emotional connection in this 30 second encounter. Sex should not and cannot be made into a purely physical act, forgetting about the emotional union that is formed.

Secondly, the fact that Jake just brushes off the fact that some of his gal pals (I hope they find a new guy friend now!) find porn disgusting, exploitative, and potentially harmful to the relationship is worrisome. But then again, I guess men statistically value beer, sports, and porn over the women in their lives. If porn offended their can of beer, I'm sure that would be an entirely different story!

Women's biggest question when it comes to their guys' porn consumption: Does he want me to do that? Simple answer: No.

Good to know. But why? Jake's friend "Faisal" answers the question for us:

I wouldn't want my girlfriend to act like that in bed. It's not how I like to think of someone I love.

So, men don't want to think of the women they love as porn stars. Why? He doesn't go into detail, but I assume it's because deep down inside, Jake's friend recognizes porn as an unnatural and disordered version of the sexual expression of love. Love is about more than just sex, and sex is about more than just physical arousal. Porn subtracts everything but the physical arousal, and both men and women long for something more for this - the true expression of love.

But what about the women in porn movies? What makes these women any different from the women that Jake and his guy friends love? By removing everything but physical pleasure, you remove the act of truly knowing and loving a woman. Without sex being an act of love, the woman becomes an object that exists purely for physical pleasure. The women on the screen become nothing more than a sex toy. Jake comes back to this idea a bit further on...

The second question women ask me about porn: If he's spent so much of his adult life gawking at lithe, top-heavy, super orgasmic bombshells, how can I compete? You shouldn't.

I don't believe him. If it gets to the point where a man needs to see a porn star to get aroused - and he just can't possibly give it up (unless he has to choose between that and beer!) - then the average, girl-next-door look isn't going to do it for him. Also, in most cases, if a woman knows that her man is watching porn, she is always going to be wondering if he sees her or the porn star when they're together. Women tend to over-analyze, and we will in this respect as well - even if he says it doesn't matter.

When I'm with a woman, I want to touch her skin, look in her eyes, and yes, even feel some hair.

It's nice to know that men want to actually be with a woman - to feel her, see her, smell her - dare I say it - love her? So watching porn is not the same as being with a woman (which is why we shouldn't feel threatened by it, I'm guessing. It's not the same as cheating, apparently), because you can't feel her and look into her eyes and know her. One of my favorite Relient K songs, Candlelight, opens with the line: "To know her is to love her." What a bold statement - to know a woman is to love a woman.

This old, celibate guy could teach
you a thing or two about the dignity of women.

This is where the exploitation of women comes in. Men cannot truly know the women starring in these videos, and therefore they do not love them as they should. Porn degrades the fact that each human person is worthy of respect and dignity and love, whether we have a personal relationship with the person or not. However, because men can't actually be with the porn star, and therefore can't truly make love to her (ever wonder why we use that expression?), these important aspects of sexual intimacy are removed, such as building emotional bonds, sacrificing one's needs for the good of the other, and uniting together as one. Because porn removes these aspects from sex, it then acts to use women purely for the man's pleasure. She becomes an object, something that can be picked up or pushed to the side at will. He does not need to build a relationship with her and know her, because she is not a person, but a play toy. She isn't a real woman. I think the women who find themselves in such an exploitative career would probably argue to the contrary - that they are, in fact, real women.

No one wants to be with a faker, and at some point, all that stuff is faking.

So where do we draw the line? When exactly do we reach the point where "that stuff" is faking? Jake states from the beginning that porn is "artificial sex", so is that not the same thing as "being with a faker" and "faking"?

Confession: I find most pornography foul and unsupportable, but I make an exception for the post-it-yourself youporn.com variety, which offers me a regular dose of harmless voyeurism, courtesy of exhibitionists.

Darn those word limits in these editorial columns! I'm sure that's what kept Jake from explaining what the difference is between the porn that he finds "foul and unsupportable" and that which he deems "harmless." I'm sure his treatise on the difference between the two would have been just as enlightening as the rest of his opinion column... oh wait, there isn't a difference.

Guys have been conditioned to be ashamed of our pals Masturbation and Pornography since we met them, and our impulse is to conceal our filthy sexual fantasy life.

Why have men been conditioned to be ashamed of these things? Could it perhaps be because it is written on our hearts that these things actually are something of which to be ashamed? The impulse to conceal this "filthy sexual fantasy life" is because it actually is filthy.

The right direction = God

That being said, we all have our demons that we try to hide. This is one of the beauties of the sacrament of Confession - it brings the Devil right out into the open, and don't we know how he abhors being recognized out in the open for what he is. So, instead of embracing those impulses, maybe it's time to listen to that shame, and recognize it that it's trying to point the moral compass back in the right direction.

So don't take it personally if he hides his porn favorites...

I do take it personally. I think many women would agree with me. So far, Jake has done more to convince me that I should take it personally because he's spent the few words he's allowed for his column each month justifying why he needs porn as well as why women should just give up and accept this "filthy" habit of men as normal.

If you raise the idea of watching it with him, porn can serve as a lighter fluid on the slow burn of a monogamous relationship.

Lighter fluid is for the weak!

Ah, we have reached the apex! All of this justification is to try to convince women to suggest that they watch porn with their male companions. It has to be the woman raising the idea, because if the man suggests this as a couple activity, that could be offensive... right? This way, men don't have to feel guilty about hiding their porn, nor do they have to give it up - meaning they can still drink beer, watch sports, and have a girlfriend! What a fulfilling life.

Also, there are other ways of re-igniting the fire in a monogamous relationship. A real fire-builder doesn't need lighter fluid to get a fulfilling flame. It might take a little bit more work and a little bit of time, but building a fire the natural way - with some logs and a match - turns a spark into a warm and full fire. We were created for monogamy, to not only build a lasting relationship with another person, but to spiritually and physically become one with that person. Porn won't help the flames grow, but will ultimately snuff them out.

If he's too spent from watching Barely Legal 7 to pay attention to your actual, better-than-HD self, that's a problem. If he needs to cue up one of the Spice Networks to get off, that's a problem. If his tastes run to the illegal, that's definitely a problem.

We actually agree here...

Like you, we crave connection and caring alongside our crazy sex...

Wait, what? Did I read a different column than the one he wrote? I didn't get the idea that Jake craved anything more than just physical pleasure. Porn doesn't give "connection and caring" nor does it provide "crazy sex" - since you actually have to be with a person to have sex - yet the entire column has been devoted to his defense of why men love and need porn.

...but now and then we simply want a quick release, and we may get it from the gross, dumb but somehow arousing stuff that we relied on before we found you.

So porn is "gross" and "dumb", yet it is something that men love and women should not only accept, but embrace. Does it seem like there are a lot of contradictory statements in this column? As for a "quick release", our generation has become the culture of "I need this, and I need it NOW" instead of putting off fleeting desires to wait for something more fulfilling. It seems that porn is one of the many outlets for men (and some women) to get what they think they need even more quickly, while really pushing away those things that can actually be fulfilling to the body and soul.

The thinking, feeling, warm, soft, sexy real women in our lives are just that: real. And there's not a glowing screen that comes close.

This last sentence seems to be a last ditch attempt to win back any women who have smartly run in the opposite direction, far away from this column. Again, all women - even those who are porn stars - are real women who are worthy of dignity and respect. Degrading certain women to being no more than pleasurable objects for men only harms all women in the long run.

----

It seems that Jake has convinced the female editors of Glamour that no harm is done by allowing men to love their porn. Ladies, don't let him convince you. This may only be the published opinion of 102 men and their female editors, but I can guarantee that many of the 137,999,898 men in America also find porn to be a normal practice. While it can be difficult to find accurate statistics on this subject (because, well, it is shameful to admit that you watch porn, as Jake points out), it was cited in 2006 that approximately 70% of men between the ages of 18 and 34 had viewed porn in the last month. 10% of adults admitted to internet sex addiction, and this has definitely impacted marriages:

"At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago."

Let's follow the money, too. The most recent financial statistics are from 2006, and I can only imagine how they have grown in the past five years. Worldwide, the porn industry rakes in $97 billion worldwide, with $13.3 billion coming from the U.S. The porn revenue in the U.S. alone exceeded the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC at this time, and it was even larger than the combined monies from professional football, baseball, and basketball franchises. It is clear from the money that porn has become a major part of the entertainment industry.

Ladies, we like to think that the good, Christian men in our lives aren't a part of these statistics, but unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Talk to any priest or religious leader, and they'll tell you that sexual deviances (pornography, masturbation, pre-marital sex, etc.) are what they hear about more than any other struggle. Julie wrote a great piece about how important it is to stand by the men in our lives, encouraging and praying for them in their struggles against pornography. For anyone who is struggling with pornography addiction, or who is interested in learning more about it from a spiritual and physiological level, I really encourage you to listen to Matthew Frad discuss how to break free from pornography here and here.

We have to stand against pornography, together. Even when people, like Jake and Glamour magazine, try to convince us otherwise, it doesn't change the truth that porn goes against our very nature. It's time that we re-prioritize the things in our lives, putting the relationships that truly fulfill us above the disordered and artificial ones that do not.

**Writing this post wore me out. I'm going to go have some beer and watch some sports.

If you made it through my whole post, go reward yourself with a nice, cold beer on me. You deserve it.**

I bought these, just for you. Only if you give up the porn, though.

Tasty Iced Pumpkin Cookies!

2011-11-15T08:37:00.000-05:00

I made these cookies for my weekly Bible study snack last night, and they were a hit with most of the Newman Center crowd! Many asked for me to share the recipe, so I thought I would post it here so everyone can enjoy these tasty, but easy to make, treats! I found the original recipe online, but altered it a bit because some of the spices are pretty expensive. Hope you enjoy!

Iced Pumpkin Cookies

Deliciousness larger than pictured.

Cookies:
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (you can fudge this number to your taste preference)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin puree
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Glaze Icing:
2 cups confectioners' sugar
3 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt in a large bowl and mix thoroughly. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, cream together the 1/2 cup of butter and white sugar. Add pumpkin, egg, and vanilla to this mixture, and beat until creamy.
Slowly add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture while mixing. The dough will be thick, but smooth.
Drop rounded spoonfuls on a cookie sheet. I just used two spoons to form little cookie lumps.
Bake for 15 to 20 minutes in the preheated oven. (*For the inexperienced baker, try 15 minutes to start - you don't want to over-bake your cookies!)
Cool the cookies on the baking sheet or a cooling rack.
While the cookies are cooling, make the glaze icing.

Combine confectioners' sugar, milk, melted butter, and vanilla. Add additional milk if needed to maintain drizzling consistency, but you shouldn't need this unless you make the icing in advance and store it in the refrigerator.

Once the cookies are cool to the touch, use a form to drizzle the glaze on top of the cookies.
Voila! You have a delicious treat with which wow your friends! This recipe makes 36 large cookies, or about 50-60 regular size cookies.

Liesl's Special Trick:

To keep the cookies soft and moist - even after a couple of days - place them in a covered container soon after they have cooled.

For some of my cookies, I let them cool about an hour before drizzling with icing, while I drizzled the icing on straight out of the oven so it had a melted glaze look for other cookies.

After I glazed them, I stored them in a covered container in layers separated by wax paper, refrigerating each layer for a few minutes to cool the glaze so they didn't stick to the paper. Covering the cookies soon while they are still fresh helps them maintain their soft, moist consistency for a couple of days.

So Others May Live

2011-11-11T02:21:00.079-05:00

Getting ready to play at an Honor Flight

I have been playing with a community band since I moved to the DC area. Part of our service to the community is to play concerts at Honor Flight arrivals, summer parks, retirement communities, and military remembrance days in the city. As part of this, we almost always salute the military by playing an Armed Forces Salute. Whenever we play this piece, we invite members of the audience who have served to stand and be recognized when their branch's tune starts to play. We honor the United States Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy, and Coast Guard, and there are always at least a few men and women who stand for each salute.

More than water police.

It's seeing the veterans stand so proudly, yet humbly, that always gets me choked up. Despite our country's many shortfalls, we are so blessed to live in a society where people are willing to sacrifice their lives for the good of each of us and others throughout the world.

I'd like to say that I've always recognized the great importance of all of our branches of the military, but this is not the case. I've always had a basic understanding of the missions of each of the combat-oriented branches (Air Force, Army, Marines, and Navy) and respected their service and sacrifice during times of war, but I have to admit that whenever the Coast Guard song began to play, I'd wonder in my head, What does the Coast Guard even do? Aren't they like the water police?

I like to think that my innocent naivete is adorable, but I think that only passes when you're six years old.

Then I came across a great movie called The Guardian, which really helped me to learn more about the sacrifices that our men and women in the Coast Guard make each day.

Click here to purchase on Amazon.

Definitely not one of the reasons I
enjoyed this movie...

This movie, starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher, is about the Coast Guard Rescue Swimmers, who live by the motto "So others may live." Ben Randall (Costner) is a legendary rescue swimmer that is asked to train new recruits after suffering a tragedy in the field. There, he encounters the young (and only slightly attractive) Jake Fischer (Kutcher), who first appears to be more interested in breaking records than in saving lives, but he actually has deeper reasons for joining the USCG. Not only does this story follow how these characters deal with suffering loss and guilt, but it provides a perspective of the intense training required to become a rescue swimmer. Many of the extras are actual rescue swimmers, as the film worked closely with the USCG to try to accurately portray the lives of these men and women (Kutcher actually went through the training himself so he could be physically fit enough for filming). The bonus features include interviews with many rescue swimmers and their families, who detail the challenges they face but also the rewards they find in their calling.

I enjoyed this movie for many reasons. Not only was it an entertaining film, but it really helped me to learn more about the Coast Guard. Most importantly, I think it also brought up some great themes.

We often forget the importance and loving quality of sacrifice, except for the occasional "say thanks to our military" days and the times we really reflect on the Cross. One of the commanding officers tells the new recruits in the movie, "You get the chance to save lives - and there is no greater calling in the world than that."

No greater calling.

I know it's just a movie, but many of the men and women in our military just seem to get it. There is no greater calling in the world than to love one another, and that sometimes means laying down one's life to save the life of another (John 15:13). The movie begins and ends with a similar quote that also ties into this theme:

There is a legend of a man who lives beneath the sea. He is a fisher of men, a last hope for all those who've been left behind. He is know as the Guardian.

The real Fisher of Men is not a legend, but a real, true, actual, living last hope for all those that have been left behind. He is the Guardian of our souls, helping to carry us up from the deep, dark, turbulent waters to the enlightened surface. This Guardian - Jesus Christ - died so that others may live.

On this memorial for our Veterans, let's pause to thank those in the military who have served, especially those who have had to make great sacrifices so that others can live. Pray for those who need protection, as well as for those who protect us. Yet, let us also take a moment to remember the ultimate sacrifice that has been made so that all of us may have the chance to live in the glory of the Kingdom of Heaven forever.

Submit to Being Submissive

2011-11-10T10:32:00.001-05:00

This past week at Bible study, we got a bit off topic - as usual - and the discussion led to that "infamous" passage in St. Paul's letter to the Ephesians:

Wives should be submissive* to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is submissive to Christ, so wives should be submissive to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

*This word is translated differently depending on what translation you use, sometimes as "subordinate" or "subject". While these words are all synonyms, I am using "submissive" in this case because it is easier to see the point!

These words have a tendency to make feminists cry out in protest, and the average woman in the pew uneasily shift in her seat. People who hear this passage read at weddings start to squirm, thinking, What is this woman signing herself up to do?! Many priests just avoid preaching about this passage altogether, and some that I've heard mention it in passing just to reassure women that Paul doesn't actually mean that you have to submit to your husband, and they leave it at that.

I used to be one of those squirming pew-sitters. Love my husband? Sure. Make sacrifices for him? I can do that. But be submissive? That seems a bit extreme.

It was when I became more interested in learning more about my Catholic faith, encountering Theology of the Body and the role of the Church, that I realized that when Paul writes that "wives should be submissive to their husbands," he actually means it. Scripturally, this is not a unique concept:

Wives should be submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited. (Titus 2:5)
Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands. (1 Peter 3:1)
So once the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves and were submissive to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.(1 Peter 3:5)
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor 11:3)
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Col 1:18)

However, Paul takes it to the next level and explains in Ephesians exactly what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband.

The word "submissive" translates to "under the mission of", and so for a wife to be submissive to her husband means that she puts herself under the mission of her husband.

So what is this mission of the husband?

Paul explains that the mission of the husband is to love his wife, as Christ loves the Church. Loving her to the point of making a complete, total, and free gift of self for her good. Loving her by making whatever sacrifices are necessary so that she is made holier, to help her to get to Heaven. Loving her as he loves his own self, by nourishing her and cherishing her. Self-sacrificial love for his wife is the mission of the husband, and the wife is to be submissive to his love.

This kind of submissive? I can totally submit to that idea.

It is only when we take this passage of Scripture in context and "speak in reference to Christ and the church" that the idea of a wife being submissive to her husband doesn't sound so repulsive to the modern female. On the contrary, it sounds kind of perfect. Sign me up!

Since I learned Paul's meaning in this letter, I have had a few opportunities to share my excitement over this knowledge with others. This isn't a new interpretation, but one that seems to get passed over in Christian circles today. You could see the lights click on for others in the room when our priest explained this passage to our Bible study group. We even had a Protestant joining us this past week, and he remarked that he had never thought about the passage in that way, but found this interpretation enlightening and refreshing.

This is when it clicked for me - why I, and many others, never really encounter the true meaning of Paul's words. I was raised Catholic, but I hardly ever encountered the idea of the Church as the living Bride of Christ. While most Protestant denominations recognize "a church", they don't recognize the Church as Christ's beloved.

The Catholic Church: She's not just a building.

When we are not taught, forget, or completely lose the meaning of the role of the Church as Christ's wife, we are missing out. Protestant denominations are especially lacking, as it is difficult to fathom this passage in such a positive, loving light because they don't witness the Church as the mystical body of Christ. In order to not read this passage as a slight slap in the female face, you have to understand that Christ didn't just give a complete gift of himself to each of us as individuals, but instead to his Bride, the Church. This beloved Bride continues to live as the body of Christ today, continuing to openly receive Christ's total gift of love. The Church continues to submit herself to the mission of Christ, just as a wife should be submissive to her husband. In this light, this is the only way that Paul's words make sense. As members of the body of Christ, it should be our mission to submit our hearts to the mission of Christ, which is carried out each day in his Bride, the Catholic Church.

Sisters, Sisters!

2011-11-08T07:46:00.000-05:00

Here's a little humor for your Tuesday morning to help you get through the week, as well as a little preview to some of the fun things that happened this past weekend.

Enjoy a little comedy from Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye from White Christmas... and if you haven't ever seen this movie - what are you waiting for?! Get on it!

What happens when...

2011-11-04T09:16:00.000-04:00

... you put three #cathsorority ladies in the same city?

I'm not sure, but I bet we'll have the answer after this weekend!

Elizabeth, Trista, and I are meeting up for the first time, attending an NFP seminar together, and enjoying some well-mannered frivolity. People will speak of this epic meeting of the minds for years to come.

Not drawn to scale. We are not really that large compared to the DC/VA area.

I am also sure that some slight craziness will ensue. (If you hear reports of earthquake-like tremors in the DC/VA area, it's probably not due to the shifting of tectonic plates, but from the epic mash-up of the three of us.)

I even had the opportunity to meet and spend the evening with Elizabeth last night, where I introduced her to Cincinnati chili:

Fine cuisine, imported from exotic Ohio.

Word on the street is that she loved it! It was fun to spend the evening talking and hanging out - we get along in real life, and not just in blog world! Huzzah!

I am sure we will have many interesting and/or exciting stories, as well as new things we learn at our seminar, to share with you all after this weekend. Hopefully we will have some great pictures of the three of us together to post as well, to prove that this epic meet up really did happen.

I hope you have a great weekend, as I am sure we will have a blast hanging out together!

I have stilled my soul

2011-10-29T21:50:00.001-04:00

Lord, my heart is not proud;
nor are my eyes haughty.
I do not busy myself with great matters,
with things too sublime for me.
Rather, I have stilled my soul,
Like a weaned child to its mother,
weaned is my soul.

Kissing the Face of God

Psalm 131 is a song of trust, giving all thoughts and worries of the world to God - like a child who quiets in the arms of its mother. It is the perfect bedtime prayer to still the soul, surrendering to sleep, imagining being held in the warm mantle of our Mother's embrace.

Chirp!

2011-10-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

I've had a little birdie chirping in my ear to get me on Twitter for awhile now, and I'm here to announce that I am now tweeting!

My ~~bird name~~ Twitter username is LieslChirps, so come on over and follow me!

Sparrow

2011-10-20T09:38:00.001-04:00

Tony Rossi commented on His Eye is on the Sparrow and pointed out that Audrey Assad has a version of this song on her new Live from SoHo album. I haven't had a chance to get the album yet, as $7 is 1/5 of a tank of gas (if you're confused, see the above post for how I now think of money in terms of food and gas), but Matthew Robbins was kind enough to send me the embed code so I could share the video with all of you.

Enjoy this beautiful adaptation by Audrey Assad, called Sparrow:

What Changed Their Minds?

2011-10-18T14:43:00.000-04:00

For awhile now, my most popular post has been The Largest Genocide our World has Ever Seen. I think it's partly due to the fact that people keep finding it through Google search terms such as "largest genocide" and "genocide in the world today 2011", but I'm happy that it has had so many page views. I just pray that people who stumble upon it accidentally take the time to read it and really reflect on it.

In light of this post, I found the following video very interesting. His line of reasoning is logical, and you can see the surprise and sometimes prideful shame on people's faces when they realize that his logic has led them to re-think their beliefs about abortion.

This video is 33 minutes long, and I encourage you to not only watch it, but to also pass it on. The conversations that he had with these people made many of them change their minds about abortion, which is what we need to be doing. As I've said before on this blog, in comments, and in personal discussions, abortion in this country (and the world) will only end when the thought of killing a child in the womb becomes inconceiveable, and this will only happen if we take the time to convert one heart at a time.

I'm tipping my hat to Fr. Greg at GW Catholics for sharing this video. I would like to see this video (or one like this) on display in the modern day genocide exhibit at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum.

**Side note: I only have one qualm with this video, which is how the interviewer portrays salvation. But that's for another post...

Spiritual Dry Spells, Part 2

2011-10-10T08:59:00.007-04:00

I think the introduction to Part 1 was long enough, so without further ado, here are the next five things I've learned from my spiritual dry spell.

6. Seek out the advice of a spiritual director

Jesus, the first spiritual director, with Peter!

I have a confession to make. ~~A few~~ Many of these oh-so-helpful tips have been pointed out to me by my spiritual director over the past few months. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on these suggestions (even if I'm not so good at putting them into action), but he should get some of the credit (I'm a chemist, I love to cite my sources).

But in all seriousness, while I may not always like to hear what my spiritual director has to say, he is almost always spot on with pointing out the "obvious" things I have failed to see in my blindness. Having a person who knows you and your spiritual life, who is also close to the Lord, will help your spiritual life improve by leaps and bounds. A spiritual director is able to be objective where you are not, but he can also be subjective. Often, your spiritual director has gone through similar trials in his own life, which means that he can give advice based on experience. Especially if you're having trouble hearing God in the "usual" places, letting God speak to you through a spiritual director can greatly improve your spiritual life, and it sometimes even causes the spiritual lightbulb to start to flicker a little bit brighter.

7. Say, "Thank You."

Heavenly Father, thank you for cranberry sauce.

The day that we gather with family and friends and eat turkey and that delicious cranberry sauce (the kind from the can) is not the only day that we should be thankful for all the great things in our lives. We should be thankful for the wonderful creation of cranberry sauce every day!

When we take a moment to give thanks, we begin to realize the little things in life that get us through day-to-day life, especially when life seems pretty rough. So, each day, think about five things for which you can be thankful. While you can be thankful for material things - such as a roof over your head, air conditioning in your room, food in your refrigerator, a can of cranberry sauce on the shelf, a laptop on which to blog, etc. - it is also good to recognize the non-materials things in your life that you are grateful to have. It can be a myriad of things, but here a few examples that I may or may not have experienced in the past few months:

The grace to be able to focus on work or school during a time of high stress, especially during crunch time.
An unexpected message from a friend that makes you laugh when you were on the verge of tears.
A big, toothless smile from a sweet baby (especially when the baby doesn't smile at anyone else!)
Delicious home-cooked meals from friends when you wouldn't have had any food to eat at home.
A surprise gift card from a friend, and when you ask why, she responds it's because "you have so much to celebrate this year."
The cool fall breeze that allows you to roll the windows down in the car and blast some good music.
The out-of-the-blue realization that you are appreciated and loved by others.

The list could go on and on. During a dry spell, it can be easy to fall into the trap of "Woe is me, my life is so awful blah blah blah." In taking the time to stop and say thank you to God for the gifts He has given to you, it is easier to not fall into this state of despair, which keeps you further away from the temptation to fall into sin as well.

So, next time you're feeling down, stop and say a prayer of thanksgiving to God, even if it is for the simple gift of a can of cranberry sauce. Actually, I don't have any cranberry sauce on my shelf. Next time I'm at the grocery, I'll have to grab a can, and then I can add that of my list of "thank you"s for the day.

8. Remember that it's not all about feelings

Have you ever been/remained in a relationship with someone because you liked how he or she made you feel more than you actually liked the person? Maybe you didn't realize it at the time, but I think many people can relate to this situation.

So gloriously in love, I was swinging around
on lamp posts, just singing in the rain!

When I first started to feel spiritually dry, I didn't understand what had happened. I had been so vibrantly alive with my faith! I described the feeling to everyone as being in love with Christ and in love with the Catholic faith. When I went to Mass, I felt good. When I prayed, I felt His presence. When I served others, I felt that warm happiness inside. In my daily life, I felt filled with joy. I felt loved and so I easily loved in return.

Then it all went away. I only noticed the spiritual dryness because I noticed the lack of the feelings I once had. I didn't feel in love anymore. So I started to sink in deeper, because I relied on those feelings so much. As my spiritual director has said many times (it took many times for it to start to sink in!), we live in a culture that is all about emotion. “Do what 'feels' right” is the mantra of our society. We become so focused on how something makes us feel that we don’t always think about why we are doing it. While human emotions can be a beautiful and wonderful thing, when we use them as reasoning for what we do and do not do, we tread into very dangerous waters. By letting my emotions guide me, I had come to the point spiritually where I was more in love with the feelings I had from worshipping God, and not focused on actually loving and worshipping God. Instead of loving God because I felt loved by Him, I should have been loving God no matter what.

One of my good friends made the following analogy. When you first start dating someone, you have butterflies in your stomach and you enjoy being around this person as you first get to know each other. Yet, as the relationship develops and advances to the point where you love the person more deeply, you don't always have those feelings you had in the beginning because you don't need them anymore. Your love for that person is what sustains you, not the feelings you have when you're around him. A relationship with God can be very similar - sometimes, when we first start "dating" God, we are filled with these feelings from the overwhelming power of the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives. But we have to let this relationship develop into a stronger and deeper and unconditional love - a love that doesn't rely on feelings - but yet, a love that will always remain.

When she shared this analogy, it made me start to see my spiritual dry spell in a new light. Don't get me wrong - I would still like to have the lights turned back on - but I began to see this dryness as a gift, in a way. A gift calling me to a deeper relationship with God, calling me to love Him more deeply because He is God, not because of the feelings I get from loving Him.

9. Realize that you're not alone

Being in a vibrant faith community can be extremely beneficial to your spiritual growth, but when you're in a spiritual dry spell, it can also be very lonely. How is it that every one else so on fire for their faith, and I'm the only one floundering around in the darkness?

Chances are, you're not the only one that feels dryness in their spiritual life, but especially in an active faith community, you don't want people to think that there is something wrong with you, so you keep it a secret. While I don't recommend shouting out to the whole world - "Hey, y'all, I'm experiencing a spiritual dry spell over here!" (whoops, did I just do that?) - I think it is important to discuss what you are going through with people you trust who are firm in the faith. This can be a spiritual director, but also a trusted family member and/or friend might be able to help you row through the storm. In doing this, I think it will be easier to realize that you are not alone. You might discover in sharing with a trusted friend that they have experienced a similar dry spell or are feeling dryness along with you!

Suffering Saints: John of the Cross,
Teresa of Lisieux, Mother Teresa, and Padre Pio

Everyone goes through rough patches, even the saints - and their rough patches are often darker than most. Pick a saint, any saint. Read about his or her life. You will discover that the saints, most of all, have experienced dryness in prayer and spiritual attack. It makes sense. Satan wants to tear down the holiest followers of Christ - it's a bigger "win" for him if he successfully tempts someone so holy away from God. Yet, it also makes sense that the deeper we grow in our relationship to God, the more He wants us to continue to mature in that relationship. Often, this means wandering through the arid desert - as Christ did - rejecting temptation, and continuing to call upon the Lord.

My spiritual director has pointed out to me multiple times that while suffering is not something to which we look forward or seek out, it shows us how much God loves us, by allowing His holiness to shine even brighter in our lives. Living the Catholic faith and following Christ means taking up his cross, which is all about suffering, but we have confidence in the fact that we are joined with him in this suffering. Therefore, we are most definitely not alone, because Christ is carrying the burden of our dryness right alongside us.

10. Ask God for help

Hey, is God available?

Psalm 145 sings that "the Lord is near to all who call upon him." Maybe I've been dialing the wrong number, but especially in a dry spell, it doesn't always seem like He is near, even when you cry out for His help.

However, it is important to never stop asking God for help. Not sure where to even begin? Sometimes just trying simple prayers can be a good starting point. I know that I spent months where my daily prayer consisted of "Thy will be done" or "I'm not sure what plans you have for me, but please keep leading me down your path." Constantly repeating these, while feeling them with your heart, will help you continue to seek God in everything you do, even if you don't feel His presence.

It is just important to ask God for help. You can even beg and plead if you have to - we've all been there! Have open and frank conversations with God, just like you would with a person sitting right in front of you (although I recommend having these conversations in your head if you are in the presence of other human beings). It's even alright sometimes to question God - as in "What are you doing?!?!" - when things get really rough. However, as my spiritual director advised me recently, while it is okay to question and "raise your voice" with God, it's important to always be respectful. We may not always understand what He's doing or why He's not answering in a way we can comprehend, but we still must give Him the reverence that He deserves.
Asking God for help may seem like a silly tip, but it has helped me in little ways through these past few months. Sometimes, God is just waiting right around the corner, waiting for you to ask Him in again when you've pushed Him away. Like the parable of the lost sheep, God will come searching for us, but we also have to make the choice to ask Him to carry us back home to the flock.

Have you ever been in what seems like a never-ending dry spell in your spiritual life? How did you eventually pull through?

For other great blog posts about spiritual dryness, check out these great series by Julie at The Corner with a View and Jen at Conversion Diary.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

2011-10-08T23:27:00.001-04:00

Future me? Who knows!

I have always been frugal with my money. I have always tried to live within my means, only spending money that I actually have. I'm not even close to the level of extreme couponing (yet), but I hardly ever buy something that isn't on sale or if I don't have a coupon (and usually both!). I also like to take time to make larger financial decisions, so I will thoroughly research products before making a big purchase (and by "big" purchase, I'm talking more than $20... that's how frugal I can be).

I also am a big saver. I was raised in a household where a certain amount of any money I received, whether it was an allowance, a gift, or hard-earned money, was put into a special savings envelope. I eventually grew up into a savings account at the bank, but that's where I started. Thankfully, I saved enough money over the past few years that I could put a down payment on a house, buy a car, or put on a wedding - at least those are things I said I was saving up for.

This was all when I had a steady income, and could afford to be a bit frivolous with my money.

And then the time of no-job came about. Since my last substantial paycheck from graduate school, I've had to cut my costs enormously. I'm talking cutting my credit card bill in half - which is not an easy feat. Despite being frugal with my money, I do like to shop the sales. So I had to make some drastic changes. No shopping, unless I absolutely need something. No eating out, which I used to do multiple times a week (I'm a single gal, it's tough cooking for one!). Only travel somewhere when necessary, and combine my trips when I can in order to save on gasoline expenses.

And I was successful. I cut my credit card bill in half for three months.

And then I hurt my back again. Hello, crazy doctor bills.

And then my roommate decided to move out. Hello, doubling the rent.

Don't let him get your bank account number!

All that money I had been saving up for something great suddenly began to quickly vanish before my eyes. It's like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named broke into my Gringotts account to try to steal the Sorcerer's Stone!

So, I've been trying to budget even more. Thankfully, I have parents who help out where they can (hello, crazy doctor bills!), friends who feed me for free (even if it's free packages of cookies leftover from Girl Scout meetings), and a temporary position that is guaranteed for a couple of months. The pay for this job would be more than enough to get my through the coming months... if I didn't have these surprise additions I mentioned above added to my monthly expenses. Now, it basically covers my rent and internet bill, with a bit of spare change leftover for everything else.

So, I've started seeing dollar signs in terms of food and gasoline. Here's an example scenario:

Me: They withheld $35 in these taxes, when I filled out the tax exempt form...
Someone else: It's not a big deal, it's $35...
Me: $35? That's my food budget for a week! The cost of gasoline in the car for ten days! $35 means I either don't eat for a week, or I take even more money out of my secret Gringotts vault. $35 is a big deal!

My new best friend.

Yes, I have turned into that much of a money pincher. $35 has even been known to be the cause of mini-breakdowns. I feel like the long lost Weasley cousin amongst the Harry Potters of the world, staring longingly at the mound of chocolate frogs that the young Harry Potter just bought from the trolley lady with his sack-full of galleons.

Because of these empty pockets, it also means I am unable to tithe with regular financial contributions to the church and select charities. I have tried to find ways to tithe with my time, but this has also proven difficult. Not many people want volunteers who can commit for the next week or so, and then go from there. Since I don't know when and where I'll get a job, that's about as far in advance as I can plan, and so as much as I want to be able to commit, I can't make any long-term commitments. Right now, my tithing of time consists of baking delectable treats for my weekly Bible study, playing with the concert band at community events once a month or so, and being a good listener to a friend in need. But it's not enough - it doesn't feel like enough.

All of this has me feeling like I'm unable to make decisions to go this way or that and a bit useless - I feel like I'm stuck in this constant state of stagnantly waiting.

For a job.

For a new, innovative way to make money (No, MetroExpress, I will not go to the "dancer" auditions that will make me $500 a night...).

For a way to volunteer my time without being required to give a long-term commitment.

I do not mean to give off the impression that I am so poor that I am driven to searching the couch cushions for spare change and on the verge of living in a cardboard box. I have many blessings in my life, including a substantial amount in my savings account that could allow me to live very frivolously, if I chose to do so. However, being me, I am finding it difficult to balance continuing to plan for the future and meeting my needs of today. This Sunday's epistle speaks a bit of knowing both abundance and need:

I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me...My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 4: 12-13, 19)

Sure, St. Paul. Your life was sooooo easy... at least, sometimes I feel like he leaves out a lot of details that really show how much of a struggle it can be. Did he just wake up each day completely trusting that God would provide for him, or did he struggle with it as we all tend to do? I'm not sure, but I wish I could better emulate St. Paul, who trusted God to care for all of his needs:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil." (Matthew 6:25-34)

Where are the wormies?!

Dependence on God is a constant theme throughout Scripture, but especially in the materialistic world in which we live today, it's not always easy to trust that God will care for our material needs. Sometimes, I feel like a sparrow flying around searching for worms, but the ground is too hard and rocky to find anything fulfilling.

It was about a year ago that I made the decision to switch from the PhD to the Master's program, thereby "leaving" graduate school by graduating this past May. I was scared. I had no idea what was in store for me, but I knew that I was not supposed to continue with school at this time in my life, and so I placed my complete trust in God, trusting that He would take care of me since I only sought to follow His lead.

Yet, every path I've felt like I've been led down since then has quickly and suddenly turned into nothing. I trust that all of these paths didn't work out because that's not where I am supposed to be, but I have to wonder why I am in this state of getting my hopes up, only to have them dashed away in a heartbeat. It's come to the point where I don't know where to go, because if all these previous paths have been wrong, then what (or whom) was I following?

I have not lost complete trust, because I still trust that in the long run, things will work out (as people constantly remind me). It just has been a long, uphill (both ways! in the snow! without my snow boots!) battle, and now that I've gotten to the point of becoming such a penny pincher that I worry what I'm going to do without $35, I'm not sure how much longer I can continue in whatever direction I am going. To say the least, wandering around feeling lost is a stressful burden to carry - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I just long to seek God and His will for me. I've been told that's all we need to say - Thy will be done - and maybe this all is His will. I just sometimes wish I knew what it meant, and where it will eventually lead.

Until then, I have to keep trying not to worry as much about tomorrow as I have been recently, but instead work to keep my heart constantly seeking Heaven. Since I trust that Christ always spoke the truth, I know that God has His eye on the sparrows in the sky as well as His eye on me.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#32)

2011-09-30T06:10:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

Last week, life as I knew it came to an end. As Tim Staples would say, I learned something “that, shall we say, rocked my world?” Elizabeth and I have always claimed to be the same person. We like the same things, have pretty much the same thoughts on things, and are just generally identical twins separated at birth (minus the looks – we look nothing alike).

Until last week, when we discovered that we disagree on the issue that divides the nation. Yes, I am talking about this:

Looks kinda like a presidential election map...

I can’t believe it. We're supposed to be the same person! How on earth could someone so like me call pop by any other name (that would NOT smell as sweet), such as – I shudder as I write this – “soda”… or even worse “Coke”!

COKE! COKE?!?! Coke is a brand name. A glass of root beer is not a Coke. Pepsi is most definitely not a Coke. They are all pop. I don’t have an official source on this, but I’m pretty sure that pop is the name that Adam gave to this sweet, sugary liquid in the beginning of time.

Then we had a debate on if this dilemma could be decided with democracy or Truth. Clearly, I won, because the last time I checked, the Magisterium has not made any official proclamation defining pop as pop (they do have more important things to be dealing with, after all), so therefore we must go with our consciences and also turn to the polls. From this map, the blue states are clearly winning. Also, Ohio is all blue - and since Ohio is always the swing vote in elections and has decided the president for the last 20 years or so - whatever Ohio says is correct. In conclusion, pop wins. (Can you tell I’m from Ohio?)

But I just don't know what to do now. I just feel so lost because of this revelation. Elizabeth and I can – I'm tearing up now – no longer claim to be the same person! I feel like I’ve lost my identity... I guess I'll go drown my sorrows and become a pop-aholic. BAM! (Elizabeth, that was just for you!)

Bringin' Sexy Back is a full-time job

I joined the Bright Maidens again last week! It was a fun topic on being desirable versus being sexy, and I enjoyed taking a fun look at it. Apparently, others did too since it's already made my top ten most viewed post! If you haven't seen my post or any of the other posts, be sure to check them out!

Did you see my massive post on Spiritual Dry Spells this week? I spent a lot of time on it, so be sure to check it out and let me know what you think! (Side note: I promised part 2 for this week, but it just hasn't been polished yet - next week, I promise!)

I can't figure out if it's because there's a parish with very convenient daily Mass times down the street from the place I am temping or if I'm finally getting my butt into gear because I posted my dry spell to the world, but I started going to daily Mass again! I think the last time I went regularly was Holy Week, so let's see if I can keep this up.

I really found Jen's post about fitting God into your schedule really thought-provoking. I mean, I only have to worry about myself, and while I have a lot going on in my life right now, I don't have to take care of any kiddos or devote time to a significant other. It's just me - yet, I still have problems adding time for God into my daily schedule. So this week, I found recordings of the mysteries of the rosary online, and I put them on a CD so I can pray the rosary during my morning commute! It's not the most meditative state, but it's better than nothing, right? It will also help me learn all the mysteries - I only have the Sorrowful mysteries memorized (is it odd that those are my favorite mysteries?). Hopefully, this will be a start into writing God into my daily routine.

I had a lot of frustrating disappointments in job search world this week. It seems like I just keep striking out every. single. time. Thankfully, I am blessed to have found a temporary job for at least two months that gives me 35 hours a week, but please pray that I will find something more permanent soon. I appreciate all of you who have been praying for me so far - it's been a long search!

Finally, I'd like to give a shout out to my guardian angel! We celebrated the Feast of the Sts. Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel the Archangels this week, and it was a reminder that we have so much good fighting for us each and every day. When I was little, I somehow became convinced that my guardian angel's name is Emma, so this my shout out to you, Emma. Thanks for watching over me!

Spiritual Dry Spells, Part 1

2011-09-26T23:51:00.002-04:00

Here we go. I’m going to write about three words that seem harmless... but when you put them together, oh boy, watch out! I’m talking about...

Spiritual Dry Spells.

It seems like you can easily slip into a dry spell without even realizing it, so the big question is: How do you get out of one?

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Kidding.

This would be a really boring short post if I waited to share all of my wisdom with you all until I got out of this seven-months-long-and-counting dry spell. Lucky for you, I'm too verbose to do short posts when I set out to really write, and my posts are never boring... (right?)

So, I sat down to write this post on another one of those hard-to-fall-asleep nights. You know, the ones where you can’t fall asleep because you have such great thoughts running through your mind that you just have to write them all down so you don't forget them in the morning. As I was thinking about what to include on my oh-so-helpful list of how to get out of a spiritual dry spell, I realized that maybe one of the reasons why my current spiritual dryness seems to be never-ending could be partly due to the fact that I haven’t been taking the advice I am about to give you right now.

Internal dilemma ensues. Should I still write this post? What if I can’t remember all this great stuff in the morning? What if I do write this and people think I’m a *shudder* "holier-than-thou" hypocrite?

The battle waged for 3.7 seconds before I decided that I really needed to go to sleep. So I quickly wrote down what I needed to purge from my head, and went to bed. And there those thoughts sat, out in cyberspace, unpublished to the world.

Until now. Most of the time, we, as bloggers, write about our experiences and things we have learned to share with our readers, with the hope that they will gain something from our experiences. Sometimes, we learn even more about ourselves in the process of preparing a post. This particular post, I admit, has some selfish motivations, because while I hope you all enjoy reading it and maybe even learn a thing or two, I'm hoping even more that writing this post will help me to become better at doing each of these things in order to grow closer in my relationship with God.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, my top ten list of things to help you in a spiritual dry spell. The first five are posted here, and the next five will be posted later this week.

1. Go to Mass more than you normally would

Vision of St. John the Evangelist

I used to go to Mass almost every day. It's not something I felt obligated to do, but something I looked forward to each day. I would sometimes come early and stay afterwards just to sit in quiet reflection or prayer, because it was something I wanted to do. When the dryness set in, I started praying even more fervently at Mass. I wasn't able to attend daily Mass as frequently due to my schedule, but when I did go to Mass, I would show up even earlier to spend more time in prayer, and I kept bringing the same petitions to the Lord. After a couple of months of that, with no "visible" results, I gave up.

I explained to one of my friends that I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of going to daily Mass anymore, and I found it difficult to focus on the readings and prayers like I had before. She not only reminded me that we don't go to Mass to feel something - but to worship and praise God - but she also explained that we receive amazing graces just by attending Mass. Just being in the presence of such a sacred mystery, abounding with grace, has got to scare the Devil, which means he will try whatever he can to keep us away! That's why it's so important to continue going to Mass. If you normally only go on Sundays, try to attend Mass a couple of times during the week. If you regularly attend daily Mass already, step it up a notch by arriving early or staying late to spend some extra time in prayer. I can say from experience that when the spiritual darkness sets in, you may lose the desire to go to Mass, which means you come up with every excuse in the book to not to get there that day... but if you do, God will grace you with His presence, even if you can't feel it.

2. Go say "Hi!" to a priest... in the confessional

Wussup, Father! I'm a sinner!

Spiritual dryness can be a heavy weight to carry, which can lead to us letting down our guard, opening up the floodgates to temptation and sin. Even if we don't realize it, being spiritually weary can be physically and emotionally stressful as well. A friend advised me that sometimes we can't do much to get out of a dry spell, but it's important to continue to remain in a state of grace so that we can continue to receive the Eucharist and be fully open to being a channel for God's grace. Even more, frequenting confession helps to protect us from spiritual attack... or at least better recognize particular vices that the sly one can use against us.

From my own experience, my spiritual dryness has just been the icing on the cake, shall we say, with the other hardships in my life right now, which has caused a lot of stress and anxiety. I start to take this out on those around me, but especially God. I spend days building up anger and frustration with others and with God inside (yes, I even yell at God sometimes... in my head), and my patience was quickly diminishing much more rapidly than usual. It was when I was releasing all of this vented frustration to a friend that I realized I needed to take my soul to the car wash! The second I received absolution, I felt a huge weight lifted from me. The anger and impatience I had been feeling for days was gone. While I still had to come home and deal with the same frustrating situations, I was able to handle them more charitably and with loving patience. There have been a few times where I have walked away from Confession and physically felt a weight being lifted. Experiencing this feeling of God's love is always important, but especially when you are suffering from a dry spell, because it can be a much needed consolation that God's grace is still present in your life.

3. Try to do a Holy (Half) Hour each day

This makes me giggle. 'Sup, Jesus?!

The purpose of this is to make a point to set aside a little bit of time each day to focus on God. Can't do a holy hour? Try a half hour. Try five minutes, even! It can be spent praying in a chapel (or my latest alternative, sit quietly and try really hard not to go over my to-do list in my head), going to Eucharistic Adoration, reading some verses from Scripture, reflecting on the daily Mass readings, checking out some spiritual readings by the saints and other great Catholics... even just lying on your bed and thinking, "Are you there God? It's me, [insert name here]" is better than the alternative - ignoring God. When we (I) fail to do this, we start to use noise and toys and the shiny things of the world to distract us from what is really important, which is working on growing in our relationship with God. Would you not take the time to talk to or hang out with your best friend for long periods of time? Nope! Pretend that God is your best friend by spending some time with Him, because, well, He is your best friend. As with all relationships, a relationship with God has to be a two-way street. God is most likely holding up His end of the friendship, so we have to be willing to put in some effort as well.

4. Go on a retreat

Kairos - Live the Fourth!

I've heard that it's recommended for Catholics to go on at least one retreat a year to work on deepening their relationships with God. If you're in a dry spell, now is the best time to set everything aside and devote all your time to God. It makes a profound statement that you are willing to sacrifice time, technology, work, and other things of the world for a brief period in order to be only with God. While it may not end up being the mind-blowing experience you expect, you will most definitely receive certain graces by reflecting on your faith life and living on God's time instead of your own time. The biggest challenge for me - and many others - is taking what you learn from your retreat and putting these things into practice in your daily life, but it can be an important first step.

5. Serve others

I'm going to guess that she sees Christ in that sweet baby face.

Blessed Mother Teresa felt silence in her prayer life from the moment she answered God's call to open the Missionaries of Charity. Yet, she persevered and didn't give up on her relationship with God. She didn't stop going to Mass, and she received the Eucharist daily. She didn't counter God's silence with the cold shoulder, but instead persisted in her prayer. Most importantly, she continued to follow God's will for her life through serving the sick and poor each and every day. Through this service, it cannot be denied that she found Christ in each face that she saw, even if she couldn't find God in her prayer life. She may have suffered decades of silence, but by serving others, she remained close to God. I'm just going to take a guess and say that's probably one of the many reasons why she is now Blessed Mother Teresa. It's definitely worth years of silence in prayer to spend eternity in His presence.

We discover (or re-discover) our spiritual gifts through serving others. Furthermore, we grow closer to Christ by becoming more like him through service. To become more like Christ, whether it is through serving or suffering, preaching or silently evangelizing, is to grow a little bit further away from the darkness and closer to God's all-encompassing light.

I know that for me personally, I feel closer to God when I am able to use the gifts He has given me to help others. Whether it is cooking a home-made meal for college students away from home, baking a treat for Bible Study, offering free tutoring to friends who are struggling in their chemistry courses, or trying to be a positive, Christian witness to my pre-teen Girl Scouts, I feel more at peace even amidst the dryness in my spiritual life. I know that one of the more difficult struggles for me these past few months has been figuring out how I can continue to serve as my life is in a constant flux. When I felt like I had lost my outlets for utilizing my gifts to serve others, I began to feel a bit worthless. This is exactly what the Devil wants - the more worthless we feel, the less we realize how unique and special we are in God's eyes. This is why answering Christ's call to serve others - in whatever way we can - is so crucial, because it not only helps us shy away from the darkness of the Devil, but it makes us more like Christ which ultimately brings us closer to God.

Have you ever been in what seems like a never-ending dry spell in your spiritual life? How did you eventually pull through?

For other great blog posts about spiritual dryness, check out these great series by Julie at The Corner with a View and Jen at Conversion Diary.

Check back later for my next five tips, which will be posted later this week!

My sins killed Him

2011-09-25T12:41:00.002-04:00

I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin, all the angels and saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

I usually bow my head when we pray the Confiteor at Mass, but this morning, my eyes happened to glance up at the large crucifix hanging on the altar. This crucifix is gory - not nearly on the level of Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ - but still a bit macabre.

The crown of thorns pierces his head so that blood drips down his brown like sweat on a hot, humid day.

Blood spatters from the wounds in his hands, the nails the only thing stopping the blood from spurting forth.

All the muscles in his arms are tensed as they work to hold up his entire body, while also adding to that which weighs him down.

Every rib is outlined in his chest, as if every fiber of his midsection grasps for a single molecule of oxygen from the air.

His abdominal muscles are tensed and inset, as if he just inhaled his last breath, never releasing it in an exhale.

A gaping wound drips from his side, and some of the blood stains the loincloth that covers him.

His kneecaps are red, as they would if they were kneeling under the weight of the world.

Blood drips gravitationally down from his feet, the wounds red and sore.

I have been attending this parish intermittently for two years, but it was this morning while praying the Confiteor that I truly realized how gruesome the crucifix is.

It was at this moment that I thought, My sins caused this. All the sins I've ever committed in my life, and will commit in the future - my sins caused this to happen.

I try to approach repentance and regret for my sins with a contrite heart, saddened for offending God, but it often ends up being more of a sadness out of fear of Hell and knowing that I should feel sorry for my sins.

Not this morning. This morning, the pew held me up as I realized that even my tiniest wrongs have offended our most loving Creator, that my sins killed Him.

Kyrie eleison. Christe eleison. Kyrie eleison.

Thankfully, we have an ever-forgiving God as our father, a God who will suffer a torturous and gruesome death out of love for me, you, and everyone else in the world, past, present, and future.

Lord, have mercy on us.

Bringin' Sexy Back

2011-09-20T02:27:00.002-04:00

Here I am, joining the Bright Maidens once again!

What is the difference between being desirable and being sexy? I make perhaps a bold statement when I say that I think these might have once had the same meaning. I propose that what we think of as “sexy” really was re-defined when the sexual revolution began.

No idea who she is, but she has "sexy hair"!

When we hear the term “sexy” today, we automatically think of Victoria’s Secret models, certain types of (usually) revealing clothing, even “sexy hair”! The key point is that when we hear the word “sexy”, our minds instantly jump to a bodily image.

Initially, this makes sense. The word sexy derives from sex, which is a physical action. Dictionary.com even agrees with me (although I think using the word in the definition is illegal... at least in the literary world):

sexy (adj):

concerned predominantly or excessively with sex
sexually interesting or exciting, radiating sexuality
excitingly appealing

According to our present societal ideals, however, sex is only a physical action, a desire that is natural and should be embraced without regret. This liberates us all to be sexually free, because we don’t have to worry about any* consequences – emotional or physical. We can easily rip the physical bonds as we move from partner to partner, and detach from the biological purpose of the act.

*Any, excluding untreatable STIs, since you know, we’ve taken care of that whole pregnancy consequence with abortion and contraception.

But sex is also an emotional interconnectedness that you share with your partner. You’re not just becoming one physically, but you are uniting emotionally and spiritually. Sex isn’t just for pleasure, as the sexual liberation folks would have you believe. It is also unitive and procreative. When I was discussing this post with Elizabeth (good thing we get paid to work, huh?), she had this to say:

The "sexually liberated" say sex is for pleasure, and if you WANT to, sex can be for procreation... like procreation is the potential side effect. I argue that PLEASURE is the POTENTIAL side effect and that only happens if you WANT it to.

I'm pretty sure that she just took the point I was trying to make and made it ten times better, but much more succinctly, so I'll just leave it at that.

Does it seem like I’ve gone off on a tangent here? Perhaps I have, but it has a point, I promise.

This disconnect on the meaning and purpose of sex in our culture today is what leads to this distortion of what it means to be sexy. Because culture has defined sex as only a pleasurable, physical act, then being sexy can logically only be defined as being physically pleasurable to another person.

So how does being desirable differ from this? I believe that being desirable can occur on many different levels, similar to how I think being sexy used to mean so much more than it does today.

Being Physically Desirable

We, as good, modest, holy Catholic ladies can be physically desirable. Not Victoria’s Secret model desirable, but desirable nonetheless. When it comes to being physically desirable, I take a more “au naturale” approach. No, I’m not a nudist (Adam and Eve took care of that one for us). In fact, quite the opposite, as I like to be a bit more covered than the average 25 year old.

I am, however, a nudist when it comes to make-up. I don’t really like make-up, and so I don’t usually wear it (OK, to be honest, I will put on mascara about twice a month). I have had many friends – female friends! – who have told me in both subtle and abrupt ways that sometimes you have to use make-up to “snag” a man’s attention… to show him that you can be desirable. Yes, men’s brains are wired differently, but if I have to use make-up to snag a man’s attention… what will he think of me when the make-up comes off?

Wuv, twue wuv!

My goal, if I am so called, is to find a good man who is interested in a long-term kind of deal with me (yea, that whole marriage thing). I want him to be attracted – from the beginning – to natural-me. This face I wear all day looks the same in the morning when I wake up, and it looks the same when I go to bed (well, the expression on my face in the morning might be a bit different from my daily cheerful expression…). I want him to see that face and find it desirable in the morning and the evening and all day. I have actually had this conversation with quite a few men who agree with me! They don’t understand why women wear make-up, because they find their natural beauty so much more desirable.

I do not mean to imply that every woman who wears make-up is trying to be “sexy” or catch a man. I know many women who wear make-up because they say it makes them feel beautiful. At the same time, I know and have known women who will not go out of the house unless they’ve “put on their face”… they won’t even let their boyfriends see them without make-up. I am not present in each of these women’s minds, so I cannot say if their intention is to be desirable or to be sexy, but I think this idea reflects societal pressure to always have on our "game-faces".

Being Intellectually Desirable

I think part of why I do not personally wear make-up is because I want to be intellectually desirable to men. I don’t just want to be someone he likes to look at all day long! I want to be the kind of person with whom a man would want to have in-depth conversations – yes, even ~~arguments~~ heated discussions! I want a man to desire my mind, not just what I have to physically offer.

I see you reading on the bus, you sexy thang!

As a woman who holds a graduate degree in a scientific field, I can say with experience that sometimes my intellect can be very off-putting to men. I'm not really sure if they find my mind threatening to them personally, or if they've just never met a girl with brains before, but they have definitely not found me intellectually desirable. I have been at the receiving end of sexist comments from men in my area of study because of my mind (let’s just say that this girl was the only one from the chemistry department to graduate Summa cum laude in 2009… which shut down those comments pretty quickly). At the same time, I have had many male friends who don't seem to be deterred at all (maybe their mommas are super smart?!), and we've had excellent intellectual discussions.

I don't mean to imply that men are smarter than women in most cases. In fact, quite the contrary. Men and women are just different. Physically. Emotionally. Intellectually. We were created to be that way, so that we complement each other. I am attracted to men, even if it is just a friends-only attraction, who challenge me intellectually, and I want to feel the same in return. I want men to feel intellectually stimulated by me. I want to be intellectually desirable - intellectually "sexy". Yet, my intellect is not physical. Nor is my heart, my thoughts, my quick witted humor, or my feelings, for that matter. We have to come to a realization that we are not just longing for certain things physically, but also emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Two Roads Diverged

This is where being sexy has lost meaning. To be desirable is to be wanted, to be pleasing, to arouse a longing, to stimulate some sense or feeling within a person. It does not have to be a physical wanting, pleasure, longing, or stimulation. It can be a desire for my body or my mind, my heart, my cute morning facial expressions - everything that makes me ME. Men can be attracted to these things with their bodies... but also with their hearts and minds and everything else that makes them men. However, society has decided that sex, and thus sexy, is all about the physical pleasure.

So here is my challenge to society. Since it's hip to re-define things these days, let's re-re-define "sexy". Let's take sexy from a one-dimensional definition and add back in the emotional, spiritual, mental, and personal levels to sexy. Let's do a re-make of Justin Timberlake's song and bring sexy back... but for real this time.

Do not pass me by

2011-09-14T15:20:00.000-04:00

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,
Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art calling,
Do not pass me by.
- Refrain:
  Savior, Savior,
  Hear my humble cry,
  While on others Thou are calling,
  Do not pass me by.
Let me at a throne of mercy
Find a sweet relief;
Kneeling there in deep contrition,
Help my unbelief.
Trusting only in Thy merit,
Would I seek Thy face;
Heal my wounded, broken spirit,
Save me by Thy grace.
Thou the spring of all my comfort,
More than life to me,
Whom have I on earth beside Thee,
Whom in Heav’n but Thee.

(sung by Audrey Assad)

Sharing Secrets

2011-09-12T16:36:00.001-04:00

I am a regular subscriber to the PostSecret blog, and so I am able to take a look at the new secrets posted once a week. While you have to be wary that sometimes there are some very inappropriate secrets (visually and verbally), I find it so interesting that people are comfortable "sharing" their secrets with a complete stranger and millions of people in the world.

I became fascinated with PostSecret in college, and actually made a few postcards of my own - although I never sent them in. When I became more active in my faith and started regularly attending Confession, I began to see why people are so open to sharing their secrets with the world. It is so lightening and cleansing to get your deepest, darkest - and sometimes kindest - secrets off of your chest. If only all those who send in a postcard would come to experience the grace received in Confession! Then would they truly feel their burden taken away from them by Christ's Passion.

Often, people focus on faith, religion, and moral issues in their secrets - or, the lack of faith, religion, and morals. I found some of the secrets posted this past weekend especially interesting. Expecting to see all the secrets related to 9/11, since it was the 10th anniversary on Sunday, I was a little surprised to find an assortment of secrets relating to God and America's culture of death. Some of these secrets show hope for the world, while some are just saddening to me. I thought I would share some of these with you.

WARNING

RATED PG-13

Some of these secrets contain graphic and written content that are not suitable for young eyes.

God doesn't want to send anyone to hell, and it is so sad that there are people who had to choose between this and burning to death in that tower. (Update: This question was asked on an epsiode of Catholic Answers Live, and while we do not know the state of anyone's soul at death, we trust in God's mercy that those who chose between jumping and perishing in fire will not be held accountable for their actions.)

Seems that we have forgotten that sometimes having sex produces a baby! You sabotaged your chances at experiencing the fullness of your relationship by choosing to use contraception.

It is sad that the father cannot be involved in this little girl's life - but it is heartwarming to see that this woman dreamed of having a beautiful daughter, and she chose to bring her into this world, even when the circumstances may not have been ideal. Yet again, though, failed contraception results in those "unexpected" pregnancies... someday, maybe we will learn again in biology/health class that a pregnancy is an expected result of having sex.

I think there could be an entire post devoted to this secret. Faithfulness in marriage? Out the door. Sex being an intimate expression of love? Not important anymore. Aborting a child because you aren't sure who the father is? That just doesn't make any sense. At least both potential fathers know that there is uncertainty in who the father is, so you can avoid the awkward Maury-paternity-test-results moment.

At least this woman realizes that she was a mother, and that she didn't just remove a clump of tissue from her womb. That's a step in the right direction. Hopefully she will find healing and conversion of heart.

Well, if you have lost all hope in humanity, fear not! Here is one recent secret that shows that good, Christian charity still exists in the world.

Diner food? Yum. FREE diner food? Double YUM!

Faulty Logic of the Pro-Choice Movement

2011-09-09T11:48:00.001-04:00

There is a great post about the awkwardness of being pro-choice up over at BadCatholic. Be sure to go read it.

I especially found the following video interesting, which includes commentary from those who identify as pro-choice.

Some of their statements absolutely astound me. I think my favorite reason to support abortion happens at about 1:04 in the video:

"Unless you're... unless you're gonna start adopting all of these kids that are gonna be born, I dunno what we're gonna do! We don't have the... the maintenance..."

Point 1: She says "all of these kids that are gonna be born" - she acknowledges that these are KIDS, not fetuses or clumps of tissue or a parasitic attachment inside the woman's body... yet, she is still alright with killing these kids because we don't have the "maintenance" to take care of them.

Point 2: Who ever said that we don't want to adopt all of these kids that are going to be born? It can be difficult to find concrete statistics on those wanting to adopt, but the US Department of Health and Human Services showed that in 2002:

18.5 million women had ever considered adoption (1/3 of all American women at that time)
Of those who had considered it, 2.6 million had taken concrete steps toward adoption, 2.1 million of these women which were married
Of those who took steps towards adoption, 614,000 had actually been able to adopt a child.

In that same year (2002), it was reported by the CDC that there were 854,122 abortions (excluding those in the states of NH and CA, so it's probably much larger than this reported value) while the Guttmacher Institute reported 1.269 million abortions.

Let's look at the numbers for a minute here. 2.6 million women took steps towards adopting a child in 2002, and only 614,000 were successful. Meanwhile, a little over a million lives were abruptly ended in that same year. Doing some quick mental math, I calculate that there were twice as many women seeking to adopt than there were abortions in that same year.

So, Miss Pro-Choice, your premise is flawed and faulty, because, you see, for every child aborted in that year, there were approximately two women hoping to adopt a child of their own. We do have the maintenance to take care of these children, so stop using it as an argument to support your cause, because it is not reasonable. I can only imagine, now that more than half the country identifies as pro-life, that the numbers of those wanting or willing to adopt (especially given the alternative of abortion) have only increased (and I hope to keep doing some research to find more recent statistics).

Point 3: This goes along with Point 2. I do not have a job, and I do not have a husband, so I am not in the position to offer a child the home and life that every child deserves. However, if another person ever presented me with the decision to choose between only 2 options:

This baby will be aborted; or
You, Liesl, can personally adopt this baby. But only you, and no one else. Otherwise, Option 1 holds;

I would choose Option 2. I'd find some way to make it work. I think that there are at least a few million people in this country that would agree with me.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#31)

2011-09-09T05:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY! I am going to be the big 2-5! It sounds kind of weird to say that I'm going to be a quarter of a century old. I'm not sure how I am going to celebrate yet, but I know that my friend is cooking me dinner and baking me a cake (and she is an excellent cook/baker), so I'm looking forward to some good food with some good friends.
I just finished a novena to St. Gemma Galgani this week. She is the patron saint of back pain, so I prayed that my back will heal quickly, or that I will at least have the grace to accept this cross joyfully and offer up my pain for those who need it.
I had an MRI this week on my back (by the way, those tubes are much tighter than they look on TV!), and you know what I thought about while lying in there for 30 minutes amongst the whirring? I wonder if magnetic resonance imaging is similar to nuclear magnetic resonance spectroscopic theory? I almost asked the MRI technician, but then I decided that I already looked like enough of a nerd in my scrubs and hospital socks, and I didn't want him to think that I am a total geek (which, by the way, I totally am).

You see, the nucleus has a spin, and magnetic resonance is observed...

Did you see my latest Reflection on the Readings? It's all about LOVE. Not ooey-gooey love, but what it means and it what we are required to do to really love someone. Check it out and let me know what you think!
Elizabeth and I have been talking about how great we are at procrastinating... we gave each other blogging deadlines, and lo' and behold, neither of us met it! But I hope to have a new, very long post up soon for you all to read!
Please keep my job search in your prayers. I have recently had a setback with a job opportunity that I thought was going to pull through, but it just wasn't the job for me right now. I am continuing to look for temporary work, but in the meantime, I have become an expert couch-sitter. Do you think I can put that on a resume?
Do you remember where you were ten years ago from Sunday? I was in freshman honors biology class, creating two-headed planaria, when our principal came over the loudspeaker to announce that two planes had hit the World Trade Centers, one plane had crashed into the Pentagon, and another had crashed in Pennsylvania, due to the bravery of its passengers. I remember that we were shocked, and most of us didn't believe it was real. We even joked about it a bit, until one of my lab-mates said that his aunt worked in the Pentagon. After class, we made our way to the cafeteria, where the televisions had been turned on to show the news. I have never heard the school so silent as it was at that moment, as we all just sat and watched in amazement and fear. Even though we lived in central Ohio, we all just wanted to go home and be with our families, to feel safe. May we always remember what it felt like that day, and the pride we felt as a nation in the months to follow. Let us all remember those lives that were so suddenly lost, and pray for their souls, as well as their families and friends who have had to learn to live without them. Finally, I hope we can once again stand strong as a country, with that same spirit, someday soon.

The Message of Love

2011-09-04T15:13:00.000-04:00

Readings for the 23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

The readings this week are all about love.

Now, I can hear some of you thinking now. Uh, Liesl, did you read the first reading from Ezekiel? That doesn't sound so loving to me...

Before you get your breeches in a twist, I'm not talking about the sappy kind of love that pervades our culture today. I'm talking about real love, as in the "let us love one another, because love is of God" and "God is love" (1 John 4:7,16) kind of love.

It all comes down to how we define love, which we read more about in St. Paul's letter to the Romans. Many non-Catholics (and unfortunately, even some Catholics!) would cite this passage as evidence that we no longer have to follow the ten commandments given to Moses by God, in the saying that we "owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law." (Romans 13:8) Adultery? Coveting? It's okay if I do these things as long as I do them because of love.

Preach it!

Yet, what does Paul mean when he says to love one another? By whose standards should we love? My standards? Your standards? The standards followed by the president of the United States? No, we are commanded to love by God's standard. This means loving the entire person, where "love does no evil to the neighbor." (Romans 13:10)

Doing no evil to your neighbor means loving as God loves. It means following the commandments. Even more, it means trying your very best to do as the prophet Ezekiel teaches. How is this rather harsh sounding warning really talking about love? We as Catholics, and all Christians, have a challenge before us. This challenge is to distinguish between loving the person and loving sinful nature. I think many Catholic bloggers, especially in the past couple of weeks, would agree that loving a person is to teach them what it means to love as God loves. Unfortunately, sometimes this means being called "intolerant", a "bigot", and many other unmentionable names. This makes the challenge presented to us even more difficult, but as much as we hate to do it sometimes, we still have an obligation to warn those of the danger of sin, and offer the alternative of God's loving commandments. As Ezekiel says, "[If] you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way, the wicked shall die for his guilt, but I will hold you responsible for his death." (Ezekiel 33:8)

Let me point that out again, if the boldface wasn't enough. "I will hold you responsible for his death." It is not enough to just live a good life for ourselves, we have to do all within our power to live a good life loving others as well.

This is not to say that we should go out on a vendetta against the world, calling out every sin we see in a hateful manner. We have to remember that we are in fact included among those sinners as well. We have to be sure to remove the logs and dust from our own eyes (Matthew 7:5) while also spreading God's love through teaching the Truth. This is one of the ways in which we can love our neighbor, to "warn the wicked, trying to turn him from his way" (Ezekiel 33:9), because not only shall we save ourselves, but we might help to save another soul in the process.

The verse with the Alleluia this week ties the first two readings and the Gospel into this theme of what it means to love: "God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." To love another is to spread the message of reconciliation, the message of Christ.

Where is this message to be found today? Where was it found yesterday? A week ago? A year ago? 2000 years ago? This message of love has always been and will always be found in the Church, the same Church that Jesus talks about with his disciples in Matthew 18. This church is the place to bring your sins and the sins of your brothers, to be held accountable for each other's faults, but to also seek reconciliation, forgiveness, and a renewal of God's love.

This message spoken of in the gospel sounds more loving, but it is the same message as the one spoken of by Ezekiel, and it is the same kind of love that Paul means when he says to love your neighbor. As the preface to the Mass in the Magnificat states, "Our love must extend to those attitudes and actions that would prevent our neighbors from truly loving themselves and their own destiny." As difficult as it may be sometimes to present this message and Christian teachings with love, we must persevere, because to love your neighbor in this way is to share God, who is Love, with each person we meet.

Carry Me

2011-09-02T18:44:00.002-04:00

Pain is a forest we all get lost in
Between the branches hope can be so hard to see
And in the darkness we've all got questions
We're all just trying to make sense out of suffering but

You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Help me believe it

Fear is a current we all get caught in
And in its motion faith can be so hard to find
And we all falter 'cause we're all broken
We're all just trying to turn the shadows into light but

You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And you say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me

And I know Your promises are faithful
And God, I've seen Your goodness in my life
And oh, I've found Your mercy is a river
Your love is an ocean wide

You say I am blessed because of this
You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me

And You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, as I carry this cross
'Cause as I carry this cross, You'll carry me

You'll carry me, God
You'll carry meAnd Your love is an ocean wide

One Body in Christ

2011-08-28T19:39:00.000-04:00

Two summers ago, I injured my lower back by straining my lumbar muscle. With a combination of different medicines, physical therapy, and some minor lifestyle changes (i.e. watching my posture!), I was able to get the pain under control. Since then, I barely have any back pain and very rarely have bad days.

Until two days ago.

That's me on the left. I should've been the one on the right.

Apparently, lifting a toddler multiple times, improperly bending over to grab huge stacks of files, and leaning over a computer typing data for four hours straight put a lot of strain on one's lower back. I could feel the twinges of pain that evening, but I was hoping that a good night's sleep would give my body the rest it needed.

Unfortunately, I woke up the next day in more pain than I had been when I first strained my back two years ago. I couldn't sit or stand for more than a few minutes, and even lying down didn't relieve all the pressure from my back. The pain got so bad throughout the day that I ended up sobbing on the phone to my mom, who told me I needed to get to a doctor right away.

I was in the "danger zone"!

Faced with the prospect of getting to a doctor on a Saturday, with my family 500 miles away, and a hurricane blowing outside my window, I started to feel very alone. How could I get to the doctor? I don't know anyone here with a car. How could I even begin to ask someone to brave the storm to drive me? Why do I live so far away from home? I wish I wasn't single, so I had someone to be there for me. Why is this happening when there is a hurricane storming its way along the coast?

That's when God started reminding me that we are never alone here on earth, because we are "one body in Christ" (Rom 12:5). I set my irrational worries aside, and started to cash in on the interconnectedness in which we all share.

I called my car-less friend, who upon hearing my explanation through my sobs, dragged her boyfriend out into the storm, hopped onto the metro, grabbed a cab to my doorstep, and drove me in my car to the ER, waiting with me while the nurses went through the process of getting me muscle relaxants (which included taking a pregnancy test... that was a cause for some laughs between us!) and a shot of intense pain medication (in the bum, nonetheless!). After depositing me safely home, with a new supply of drugs and my heat pack, she and her boyfriend once again braved the public transportation in the tropical storm to get back home.

Gotta love the communion of saints!

Later that night, while trying to fall asleep, unable to get comfortable from the pain, I remembered a while back when I discovered that there is a patron saint of back pain. Without leaving my bed, I was able to pull up a novena to St. Gemma Galgani on my handy dandy iPod touch, and I started praying for healing, or at least the grace to offer up my suffering for my special intentions. My pain hasn't miraculously disappeared, but with St. Gemma as a guide, I know that my suffering is not nearly as bad as it could be, and it most definitely is not in vain.

Unable to drive myself to Mass today, much less sit in a pew for an hour, I texted my priest asking him to pray for me. He quickly offered to bring me Holy Communion, even though I live outside the city and Sundays are pretty busy for priests. He arrived a couple of hours later, prayed with me, and gave me the Eucharist, which I know has and will continue to provide healing in ways I can't even begin to understand.

Yes, there are definitely deeper theological implications when St. Paul repeatedly speaks of the body of Christ. It is a reminder to us that Jesus did not leave us to fend for our own selves on earth, but to support each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually, even when it is unexpected or makes life more difficult. From friends here on earth to those that have already passed on to their heavenly existence, we are all connected in Christ and thus, we are never alone.

Deep Thoughts

2011-08-16T18:51:00.002-04:00

Since those of us who are active in the Catholic blogosphere tend to spend a lot of time contemplating very deep thoughts relating to the Church, moral issues, and secular culture, I thought I would lighten it up a bit with some "deep thoughts" that have often plagued my mind.

(No, seriously, I have spent time contemplating things on this list during my metro commute, in the shower, at work, and as I try to fall asleep at night. I do not jest.)

Please feel free to add your own "deep thoughts" in the comments, as I will continue to update this post as new thoughts monopolize my time.

------------------------

In Canada, if "about" sounds like "abOOt", when you are about to "boot" up your computer, are you actually abOOT to "bout" up your computer?

If we're going to sell hot dog buns and hot dogs in different amounts, then why do they sell shampoo and conditioner in the same size bottle? Elizabeth calls this the "Disproportionate End of Bottle Syndrome." It is a tragic syndrome to have.

How do people who are blind buy new clothes? Do they worry about buying clothing with patterns and different colors?

If a bird figured out how to update its Twitter account, would it still be called a "tweet"? What if the bird tweets the word "chirp"?

Expectations

2011-08-14T10:21:00.002-04:00

Readings for the 19th Sunday in Ordinary Time (from last Sunday!)

We as human beings tend to have a lot of expectations.

We expect to have the perfect childhood. To graduate from high school and go to college. To get a great job that pays a lot but doesn't expect too much from you. To get married and raise a family.

Sometimes, Prince Charming looks like Hugh Dancy!

I know that when I started college, I expected to meet my Prince Charming at school and be married by the ripe old age of 22... maybe 23. When I actually reached that ripe old age, I realized that not only was I in no way ready to be married, but that my plans from four years before were completely laughable!

But then again, it has been said that if you want to make God laugh, all you have to do is tell Him your plans.

I also expected to be able to easily find a job in my field after obtaining a graduate degree. We see how well that's turned out so far.

Again, ha ha. I can hear you having a good chuckle, God!

Itty, bitty living space!

We not only have expectations about how our lives will turn out, but how God will be a part of our lives. We have expectations of where to find God and what He will do for us. It's as if sometimes we expect to rub the magic lamp and have God grant us three wishes!

The readings this past Sunday allude to these expectations that we have about God. We first see Elijah from 1 Kings waiting for God as He passes by on a mountain. Elijah expects to hear God in the strong wind, the earthquake, and the fire that threaten to crush the mountain. We can only imagine Elijah's surprise when he doesn't find God in these manifestations of power, but instead hears God in the "tiny whispering sound." (1 Kings 19:12)

In the Gospel, we encounter Matthew's account of walking on water. Peter and the disciples are caught in a terrible storm, and they see Jesus walking towards them on the water. They are afraid, but Jesus cries out for them to take courage. Peter, in his usual boldness, asks Jesus to command him to come to him on the water, and he begins to walk towards Jesus with complete faith. Yet, when he sees how strong the wind blows, he starts to doubt, and as he sinks, he cries out to Jesus to save him. Jesus can only say, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31)

I'm sure the disciples were a bit shocked to see Jesus walking towards them on the water. They never expected to see something so extraordinary. In doing this, Jesus calls them to faith, or as Pope Benedict XVI has said, Christ shows them what happens when "something meets us that is greater than anything we can think of for ourselves."

"Jesus, save me!"

Peter expected the walk on water to be a breeze (compared to that gusty wind!) because he completely trusted in Christ. In an unfallen world, complete trust in God would be easy. However, Peter failed to account for his own human weaknesses, letting himself get in the way of fulfilling his expectations for that journey across the water.

I'm sure there were many thoughts running through his mind as he started to sink, but I can bet one of them was some sort of mental anguish with God: "But I did what you commanded, I trusted you and believed, I expected not to sink!" What Peter failed to see was that it wasn't his expectation in God that failed to deliver - it was his own failures that caused him to sink. When we, like Peter, place our complete trust in God, only to see how strong the wind is, we become frightened and falter. We like to place the blame on God, and how He failed to "rise" to our lofty expectations, when it is in fact our own pride and fear that stands in the way. Dom Lepori explains this much more eloquently than I ever could:

To the amazement of his friends, Peter climbed over the side of the boat. Before his feet even touched the water, he knew that it was really Jesus out there waiting for him... Jesus was not moving. Was he close? Was he far away? It was impossible to tell. It was as if the distance between him and the Lord varied according to the thoughts and feelings of his heart. And just when Simon started to feel proud of what he was doing, a gust of wind blew in between him and Jesus, and somehow in that moment he lost sight of the Master. Far from the boat, without Jesus in view, he suddenly found himself suspended above the restless lake. The only thing he could do was sink. And in fact, he felt himself plunge down, not only into the water, but also into the dark thoughts and doubts that had tormented him all night long. His anguish was complete: he realized that he was sinking not out of weakness but out of pride and that death would not seal his powerlessness but his rebellion.

There is nothing wrong with expecting God to take care of all of our needs, and trusting in His will. Yet, it is wrong to have the expectation that things will always go smoothly and according to (our own) plan. When we let these prideful expectations cloud our view, the distance between ourselves and Christ grows larger. Our hearts no longer purely seek him but instead are plagued with fear when things go awry, doubt in how things will turn out, and pride when our expectations give us a feeling of control.

This is something that I have been struggling with in my own life over the past few months. I had come to expect everything to start to fall into place, and when it didn't, I let my trust in God falter. As I've been slowly sinking into the abyss, I continue to ask God where He has been all this time, instead of evaluating my own actions.

The good news is that this gospel reading doesn't end with Peter drowning, but with Jesus reaching out his hand to save him from the crashing waves. All Peter had to do was ask for help, and he received Jesus' hand and forgiveness. Unfortunately, it's not always as easy as simply asking for God's help. We also have to combine this with trust in Him, a recognition of our own failures, and an acceptance of HIs expectations for us. Sometimes it isn't easy to see or hear God, but He can always be found in the tiniest whisper in the wind, with his hand reaching out to us from the darkness, begging us to come back home to His love.

Sonnet 75

2011-08-06T23:54:00.001-04:00

One day I wrote her name upon the strand,

But came the waves and washed it away:

Again I wrote it with a second hand,

But came the tide, and made my pains his prey.

Vain man, said she, that doest in vain assay

A mortal thing so to immortalize,

For I myself shall like to this decay,

And eek my name be wiped out likewise.

Not so (quoth I), let baser things devise

To die in dust, but you shall live by fame:

My verse your virtues rare shall eternize,

And in the heavens write your glorious name.

Where whenas Death shall all the world subdue,

Out love shall live, and later life renew.

- Edmund Spenser

7 Quick Takes Friday (#30)

2011-08-05T09:40:00.003-04:00

Head on over to Conversion Diary!

I don't have enough political knowledge to understand everything that is going on with Obama's new mandate for insurance coverage of contraceptives, but there is a lively discussion happening over at Leila's blog. Be sure to check it out. The whole thing just frustrates me from both a religious and financial standpoint.

Along those lines, we can all contact our representatives and senators to urge them to support the bill that protects our religious freedoms and restores our conscience rights. You can find the information at Catholic Vote.

On a less serious note, I'm considering getting Twitter just so I can tweet about my new favorite show, Suits. OK, not really.

But seriously, I don't usually like lawyer shows, but I am already in love with this one. It is quirky and fast-paced, with my kind of humor. My only qualm with it so far? They like to use the not-so-nice version of "gosh darn-it." In a perfect world, television shows wouldn't see the need to use such offensive language to make their characters seem rough and tough, but I'm still holding out hope for the world of secular television!

Did you read about all the great book recommendations that the Bright Maidens had for the summer? If you didn't, check them out. Here is my list of summer reads! I think I might do a little tab on my blog of a collection of book recommendations, because I really love giving them (and sometimes people actually ask for them!)

I finished The House at Riverton, a book that I mentioned in my last post. It was such a great read! I really enjoy historical fiction that really gives you an idea of what life was like during that time period. This novel takes place around the time of WWI, which reminded me of Downton Abbey the whole time I was reading it, so now I am watching the miniseries again! It's just so weird to think that life was like that less than 100 years ago! I highly recommend both of these if you're looking for a good read or a great show to watch (and this show is fairly wholesome, so far).

So after I finished The House at Riverton, I had to decide what to read next. I got a lot of great recommendations but wasn't ready to make a trip to the library just yet, so I decided to read Ella Enchanted for the umpteenth time.

For those of you have been following me for a bit, you might remember that this is my all-time favorite book. So good. Yes, it's a book written for 8 year olds. Yes, I still get a little choked up at certain parts. Yes, it's still amazing every time I read it.

If you haven't read this book, please do. It doesn't matter how old (or young!) you are. If you feel you are too cool for school to read a book way below your reading comprehension, then read it to your kids or those kids you baby-sit. I promise you that you will enjoy it as much as they do.

I haven't heard back yet about that job that I really wanted (and thought I might get)... so I am pretty much giving up hope, sadly. This means that I am back at square one, which is a bad place to be when you've been living off of no paycheck for three months. At this point, I am looking for ANY kind of job that will hire an intelligent human being with two college degrees. I never imagined it would be this difficult to find a job after getting a master's degree in chemistry, but it is.

For those of you who have been praying for me through this whole process, thank you. I have been trying to enact the prayer army over the past month or so while I continue my search, so please keep praying for me! I think this is teaching me that there is only so much control I can have over my own situation in life, and with everything else, I have to really learn to depend on God.

Hope you all have a great weekend! A special shout-out to my sister, who celebrates her 19th birthday today!

Summer Reading List

2011-08-02T09:40:00.000-04:00

I am joining the Bright Maidens once again, because I love to talk about books!

Surprisingly, for the amount of free time I've had recently, I haven't been doing a lot of reading. I have managed to make it through a few books, though, and I have a few more on my list for the summer, too. I've tried to mix it up by tackling both spiritual and non-fiction reads with some lighter fiction in between.

Also, be sure to check out my all-time favorite books that I wrote about before! I look forward to reading about what you all have been reading, and I welcome any recommendations you have for me.

Fiction

State of Wonder by Ann Patchett - I just finished this novel a couple of weeks ago, and I gobbled it up. Ann Patchett is one of my favorite authors, and this is her latest gem. It documents a journey through the Amazon jungles and the development of a pharmaceutical drug that would extend a woman's ability to have children indefinitely (an interesting moral dilemma as well!). The characterization especially is excellent, and so I would really recommend picking up this book. Also check out Bel Canto, one of my all-time favorite books, by Ann Patchett.

The House at Riverton by Kate Morton - I first discovered Kate Morton earlier this year when I found The Forgotten Garden at a used book store. I bought it on a whim, because I enjoy fiction that delves into the history of an era. I loved it, and immediately started searching out her other novels. The one I'm reading now, The House at Riverton, reminds me of the miniseries Downton Abbey, and I am fascinated by the WWI and WWII eras and what life was like. I would really recommend reading a novel by Kate Morton, who is newer on the writing scene but looks like she will have a great career!

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - I finally read this while I was on retreat. My hope is to check out the rest of the series eventually!

Lying Awake by Mark Salzman - I found this book on the shelf at the retreat house I stayed at this summer. I really found it interesting because it detailed life in a cloistered convent, which may or may not be accurate, but I still found it interesting. It was also insightful for me because this (along with my retreat) was definite confirmation for me that I could never be a cloistered nun (not that I was ever really thinking about it!).

I really would like to read some more fiction this summer - do you have any recommendations for me?

Non-Fiction

I don't normally read non-fiction, but it's something I've been absorbing a lot lately.

Unplanned by Abby Johnson - I finally was able to read this book when Leila offered to send it to me! I gave a brief mention about my thoughts on it before, but I do recommend that everyone read it!

How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert - Elizabeth gave a great and thorough review of this book and so instead of me echoing all her sentiments, just read her review and then read the book! I will say that I found the later chapters more helpful to me, as a young adult living single while trying to remain open to dating or another vocation, but I did think the earlier chapters provided a lot of good material that I can use in discussions with friends, family, and peers.

Modern Saints by Ann Ball and My Life with the Saints by James Martin, S.J. - I have been really interested in reading about different saints recently, and I recommend both of these collections for reading informative but still interesting biographies about different saints. I also have The Catholic Martyrs of the 20th Century on reserve to read next. Do you recommend any other saint biographies or compilations?

Enjoy your summer reading!

7 Quick Takes Friday (#29)

2011-07-22T10:39:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

I missed last week's Quick Takes because I was SO TIRED from the midnight premiere of HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II!!!!! I absolutely loved the movie and thought it was a great end to ~~my childhood~~ the series. My sisters, my sister's friend, and I had a great time camping out in line, playing cards after being seated 3 hours early, and cheering on all the great parts of the movie! It was great to see some of my favorite parts of the entire book series come alive on screen, similar to how I imagined them in my head. I then promptly saw the movie again on Sunday evening, and it was just as good! For those of you who saw the movie, what did you think?

Unintentionally keeping up with the Harry Potter theme, I saw this posted the other day:

She says:

I find the whole concept of being 'sexy' embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there's the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that's not me. I feel uncomfortable. I'd never go out in a mini-skirt. It's nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn't do that. Personally, I don't actually think it's even that sexy. What's sexy about saying, 'I'm here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I've got?' My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.

I always knew that Hermione was smart. (If anyone knows what interview she said this in, please let me know!)

Speaking of being so tired after the movie, this is how I spent my Friday after the midnight showing:

Creamsicle and a baby: typical Friday afternoon.

I enjoy visiting with our family friends whenever I'm home, and I also happen to be the favorite naptime buddy of this sweet baby. About 15 minutes after this was taken, I promptly fell asleep too! Why is it so fun to snuggle with babies? Oh, because they are warm and love you ~~because you feed them~~ unconditionally and are perfect partners for squeezing in an afternoon nap. I miss my snuggle baby!

When did it become Friday? One of the many downsides of not having found a real job yet is that my days get all mixed together. The weekdays are just like my weekends, and so I no longer look forward to Saturday and Sunday like I used to. I know I will be kicking myself for saying this someday, but I really crave a schedule in my life - the typical 40 hour a week job, with Saturday and Sunday to rejuvenate! With everyday being the weekend, weekends just aren't as much fun!

... Unless you are on vacation. Then every day being a weekend is fun. My family and I are headed off to vacation this weekend. We rented a house somewhere in Amish country in PA. Not really sure how this will all play out, but we'll see! We have some fun day trips planned to Philadelphia, a Hershey tour, and the outlet mall. Look for a picture of me with the Liberty Bell in a couple of weeks. Maybe I will run around like I'm in National Treasure while I'm there...

I could run through this graveyard in Philadelphia too...

I downloaded Evernote a few weeks back after reading about it in Leila's blog, and then Jen suggested putting recipes you find online in a special notebook. Since I have lots of time on my hands, I surfed the interwebs for some fun recipes this week and tried one out! This chicken bake was delicious and it makes A TON of food. For those of you with larger families especially, this would be a great meal. It made two big casserole dishes - I even put over half of it in the freezer for later! I substituted stewed tomatoes for the sun dried tomatoes because I am on a limited budget... did you know that a little jar of sun dried tomatoes is $6! Crazy! It still tasted great to me!

I interviewed for a job a couple of weeks ago and should be hearing about it soon! The interview went really well, and it sounds like a job I might be really interested in (unlike many of the other jobs I've interviewed for). Please continue to keep my job search in your prayers!

Scripture Meme - My Three Favorite Verses

2011-07-12T13:10:00.002-04:00

Trista tagged me in the "Three Favorite Scripture Verses" meme that has been floating around the Catholic blog world lately. Since I've been eagerly awaiting a tag for weeks, I was very excited (and then took about a month to get this post up, but who's keeping track of time?), so thank you Trista!

After my initial excitement, I then jumped to a feeling of "How on earth can I ever pick just three Scripture passages?"... I might have to do some more reflections on Scripture in the future because the Bible is SO GOOD.

The Bread of Life Discourse - John 6:35-68

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst...

The Jews then murmured at him, because he said, "I am the bread which came down from heaven." They said, "Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does he now say, 'I have come down from heaven'?" Jesus answered them, "Do not murmur among yourselves... I am the bread of life. Your fathers at the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh."

The Jews then disputed among themselves saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?" So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me. This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will love for ever." This he said in the synagogue, as he taught at Capernaum.

Many of his disciples, when they heard it, said, "This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?" But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples murmured at it, said to them, "Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of man ascending where he was before? It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail; the words that I have spoken to you are Spirit and life. But there are some of you that do not believe." For Jesus knew from the first who those were that did not believe, and who it was that would betray him. And he said, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father."

After this many of his disciples drew back and no longer walked with him. Jesus said to the Twelve, "Will you also go away?" Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Growing up, I think I always knew that I was supposed to believe in the Real Presence of the Eucharist, but it didn't really click with me for many years. When I moved to DC and started hearing the words "Real Presence" in pretty much every homily, I was just completely overwhelmed by the whole concept... until I encountered John 6.

There have been countless scholars and theologians and average everyday people who have spent endless hours analyzing this passage - the word choice, the sentence structure, the translation, the meaning behind the words, etc. - and have picked it apart word for word. Protestants will rebuke all Real Presence arguments with the fact that Jesus then claims that only the spirit matters, after he talks extensively about his flesh. Many people just grumble, "Why can't Jesus just come out and say what he means?!"

But if you put all of this aside, and place yourself in the scene, it is obvious that Jesus means exactly what he says. The Jews mumbled and grumbled not once, but twice about this teaching, but Jesus didn't say, "Oh, I'm sorry, you misunderstood what I was saying, I really mean..." Instead, he reiterated what he had already said. Even his own disciples questioned his words, and many of them actually left! Did Jesus shout out to call them back, "Hey, I didn't really mean that whole thing about eating my flesh and drinking my blood! You can come back now!" No. When Jesus said that we must eat his flesh and drink his blood to have life within us, he meant it.

Reading and reflecting on this passage over and over again made me realize that I couldn't ignore the Real Presence, and this passage led me on my way to believing that the most perfect gift given to us is right in front of us in the Eucharist.

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely.

...

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.

...

Psalm 139 is one of the many passages given to me for spiritual reading on my silent retreat. When I first read it, I realized that I'd heard it before - in Audrey Assad's song "Known" - and I got really excited.

This passage has really consoled me at times to know that God knows everything about me. Even when I can't feel His presence, He has searched my heart and knows my desires. He knows my thoughts before I even think them. He even seeks me on whatever path I choose to follow. There's nothing that God doesn't know about me, and I can't hide anything from Him. This can be a very scary thought, but also very freeing to be known and understood better than we know and understand ourselves. Audrey Assad eloquently describes this feeling by singing that God knows us "as a lover knows his beloved's heart, all the shapes and curves of her even in the dark."

Mark 9:12-29 (vs. 23-24)

Jesus said to him, "If you are able! - All things can be done for the one who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

So I had about two or three other passages I was thinking about for my third choice, but I couldn't make a decision (typical me!). I was then listening to Catholic Answer Live on podcast as I tried to fall asleep one night, and one of the callers asked about this passage from the Gospel of Mark, specifically verse 24. It was one of those times, I think, where God answers some of your prayers in a way where you least expect it, and so I quickly looked up this passage while listening.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

Just as Jesus prays to the Father and gives thanks before receiving his gifts, so he teaches us filial boldness: "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and you will." (Mk 11:24) Such is the power of prayer and of faith that does not doubt: "all things are possible to him who believes." (CCC 2610)

I think that one of the areas I've been struggling with in my prayer life recently has been that I don't have complete faith that God will take care of me. I have doubts about trusting God enough to give Him complete control in my job search. I realized that this has been one of my stumbling blocks when I heard the caller ask about this passage. Now, my new prayer has become one of asking for complete faith, so that when I pray, I won't doubt in the fact that I will receive in abundance.

--------

I won't tag three other people, because I am not really sure who all has tackled this already... but if you haven't posted about this yet, then let's just say that I tagged you! You can even leave a comment and I will add a tag to this post so it's official!

7 Quick Takes Friday (#28)

2011-07-08T10:12:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

Do you know what is happening 1 week from today? If you guessed the official end of my childhood, then you would be correct. The final installment of the HARRY POTTER movies comes out at midnight next Friday. I'll be at the theater.... will you?

Actually, I will be at a theater in Ohio with my sisters... we've been to some of the midnight shows together before and I thought for the last movie, I would rather be at home with them to see it! We'll be wearing the "I've been Pottered" t-shirts I made in the summer of 2007...

Apparently we liked to pretend that we didn't like each other back then.

Can we just speak about how this is the end of my childhood for a moment? I first discovered the books in some random bookstore before they were popular here in the U.S. I can't remember what year I started reading them, but I must have been in middle school, so it would've been about 12 years ago. I was hooked, and began patiently awaiting the release of each book after that. Even though I continued to anxiously await the new books and movies through college and beyond, I really have grown up with this series!

Yes, I would have been almost 21 years old in this picture... but the heart of a child, for sure!

I used to re-read the books right before a new movie came out, but I decided not to this time. When the first Deathly Hallows movie came out, I read the book again a few months before instead of right before, and I found I enjoyed the movie so much more. I think for past movies, I would sometimes finish the book again the day that the movie came out, and so it would be fresh in my mind, and then I would be disappointed that they cut a certain part or portrayed a scene differently than I always imagined it. So I've opted to enjoy this final movie to the best of my ability!

Is this cruel? I've always thought that to give my future kids the excitement that I had growing up with Harry Potter, I would get them hooked on the first few books, then make them wait a year or two before reading the next... you know, to build up the excitement!
I'm not obsessed with Harry Potter in the least... are there any other Harry Potter fans out there? What is your favorite Harry memory? I think mine would be cracking open the books for the first time, or crying at the ending of the 7th book (while my roommate told me to go away for 3 days until he finished the book!), or being able to enjoy all the hype with my friends and family. No, wait, it might be finally seeing Daniel Radcliffe learn how to express emotion... it only took him five movies to learn how to laugh and cry (my sisters' and my favorite from Prisoner of Azkaban - "He was their friend!" *heavy breathy grunt and clench teeth*).

Me, totally not excited at all to get my copy of the 7th book from the library.

I didn't intend to devote this whole Quick Takes to Harry Potter... but then again, I do have a blog tag for it. Just to shake things up, 4th of July was great - I avoided the metro, but will have to tell you what I discovered about driving... but that will have to wait until another post!

My view was much better than this would seem...

7 Quick Takes Friday (#27)

2011-07-01T08:32:00.000-04:00

Thanks Jen for hosting!

I got a new design for my blog! I've been wanting to change it for awhile, but I was having trouble getting everything the way I wanted it. I still don't like how the header isn't centered, but maybe blogspot will fix that soon... maybe?! Anyway, credit of the photo goes to Jen at Conversion Diary... she posted the photo in her blog months ago and I fell in love with it - it's been my desktop background pretty much ever since! What do you think of the new look? - be honest!
Last week, Leila sent me Abby Johnson's book Unplanned, and I finished it a couple of days ago. It really is a powerful story, and it provided a lot of insight into the pro-choice mindset and how Planned Parenthood works. I think we can use information like this to find common ground with many pro-choice supporters - like the fact that we all want to help women - and discuss how to further that - by caring for the whole person, not just by providing immediate but temporary and sometimes harmful solutions to the "problems" of women. I think Abby also has a powerful point, that we are going to win more converts by fighting them with love, prayers, and kindness - if the Coalition for Life hadn't been so kind and friendly to Abby for the 8 years she was at Planned Parenthood, would she have run to them when she realized she needed to leave? Probably not. Anyway, if you haven't read the book, go pick up a copy. Try your local library if you can't afford to buy a copy right now (like me!) or share it with friends! Thanks Leila for lending me your copy for the week!
I finally posted about my silent retreat. It's a long post, so ye be warned!
One of my favorite things about DC is July 4th! Despite all the politicians and politics that tear this city apart, or so it seems, July 4th really is very patriotic here. There's something about seeing the fireworks over the monuments that really gets me. I also hope to catch the concert this year too! If you were with me last year, you will also be glad to know that I have made a request of my friends that we NOT take the metro this year!
In my ample free time this past week, I finished off the BBC series Robin Hood, which I mentioned last week that I was watching. For those of you who like good TV shows, I would definitely pick up this one... except just skip the last season. It started out fine, but then just got weird and awful. Just pretend that the series ended after Season 2. Now, I have to find a new show to watch to help fill some time. Any suggestions?
I have a couple more interviews on my plate for "real" jobs, but it you know anyone who works in the chemical industry, would you mind hooking me up? I really just want to get my name out there to see what I can find! So far I haven't had that post-interview "I really want this job" feeling.
I've been debating whether or not to join the Bright Maidens for their post this Tuesday on tattoos... I don't really have a polarizing opinion either way, although I look forward on reading other people's insights. However, while watching The Voice earlier this week, I realized that my post would probably just have a bunch of pictures of Adam Levine, who has tattoos all over his arms. I have been a huge fan of Maroon 5 since before they were superstars, and I just think Adam Levine is really pretty, tattoos and all! So I will probably not post on this topic just because I don't think you all are really that interested in looking at a post of pictures... but hopefully I can join up again soon!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

My Ultimate Spiritual Workout

2011-06-25T22:25:00.000-04:00

As mentioned in my last post, I spent five days on a silent retreat out at Loyola on the Potomac in southern Maryland.

Oh, yea, feel the burn.

Well, ladies and gentlemen... was I in for my own personal spiritual workout. It was way above yoga and Tae Bo level... it was like the P90X of spiritual workouts - at least for me.

It was obvious to me on the first day that I had absolutely no idea what I had gotten myself into. While I was expecting to receive insightful answers going into this retreat, many of my prayers were not answered in the way I expected. However, I did manage to "tone" my spiritual life in this ultimate spiritual workout.

Silence

Silence teems with sound if we take the time to listen.
One hears the cries of fears that need calming;
One recognizes love that is smoldering;
One learns to bridge the gap between lack of trust and a vibrant faith.
Silence is not void; it is pregnant with life.
Lord, I will meet You there,
in the silence of my heart. Amen

Most of my memories growing up are surrounded by noise. I have three younger sisters, so you can imagine what daily life was like in my household. When I went off to college on my own, it only seemed to get louder. I always seemed to live in the dorm room right by the stairwell, so even my sleep was disrupted by noise, especially late at night on the weekends. Due to a scholarship, I ended up with a single room my junior year, and I found myself constantly turning on the TV or listening to music or keeping the door open to the hallway or all three at once, because the silence was deafening to me.

So to force myself to be silent for five days, and to be surrounded by twenty other people who were also being silent... well, you can imagine how disconcerting it was to be in a place where you only hear the scraping of forks on plates and the wind through the trees.

Make sure you play the rests properly.

Oh, how I longed for my iPod! To be able to click on the TV for background noise! To pick up the phone and call a friend just to hear a voice! Even to say a simple, "Hello," to people when we play the awkward "which side of the stairs are you going to walk on" dance. I realized how much I have come to depend on using noise to drown out the silence in my life, because there was something about silence that has always scared me. I found myself playing my own soundtrack in my head on my retreat to fill the silence, usually songs related to Scripture passages I was reading, but I noticed that I have needed noise even in my prayer life.

But in the silence, there is a lot to be discovered, and it's not always easy to find. Sometimes, it is only in the silence that we can truly let our guards down and acknowledge what we've really been longing for and missing in life. That isn't to say that God doesn't speak through noise - because He has many times in Scripture (for example, when He speaks to Moses in thunder and lightning, trumpet blasts, and fire on Mount Sinai in Exodus 19), and I have also felt God speak to me through the noise which I constantly surround myself. On the other hand, sometimes He can reveal so much more when it is just you and Him and nothing else. Elijah went up on the mountain in search for God, and he expected to hear Him as Moses did - in tumultuous noise. Yet even though he encountered wind, earthquakes, and fire, he didn't hear God in any of those events. It was in the "sound of sheer silence" where Elijah heard God speaking to him (1 Kings 19:11-12). I can only imagine Elijah's surprise and how thrown off he must have been!

But sometimes God teaches us something about ourselves when we have only silence surrounding us. I mentioned that I had an internal playlist playing in my head throughout my retreat. One of the many songs that kept coming into my head was Matt Nathanson's Come on Get Higher. He starts off the song by saying:

I miss the sound of your voice...I miss the still of the silence as you breathe out and I breathe in...

and continues in the second verse:

I miss the sound of your voice, the loudest thing in my head, and I ache to remember, all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

While this song is not Christian, and we assume that he is singing about a lover, I've always been attracted to this song as more than just talking about a human relationship. To think of God as a lover, to miss the sound of His voice, to miss feeling His breath in the stillness - to feel all of this and only wish to "get higher" and be close to God once again. I think for me to begin to realize how much I missed the "sound" of His voice, I had to come to grips with the silence, tune out all the noise, and just be.

Filling My Time

Similar to constantly surrounding myself with noise, I have always tried to keep busy. Growing up, I was lucky enough to be able to be involved in Girl Scouts, work on the yearbook at school, take music lessons, and play softball. Into high school and college, I added on band rehearsal, football and hockey games, fraternity meetings and events, volunteer activities... oh, and I studied a lot. I sometimes look back and wonder how I slept the first 22 years of my life. When I did manage to get some free time to relax, I usually just ended up on the couch. My parents can most definitely affirm this, as I spent the three months between undergrad and graduate school laying on the couch... I did have four years worth of relaxing I needed to catch up on!

When I moved to DC, I had a hard time adjusting because I lacked things to do... so I slowly started to fill my schedule with activities. Band rehearsal and concerts, being a Girl Scout leader, attending a Bible study, and tutoring a lot. Slowly, I started to make friends, and began to fill up my time with spending time building strong Christian friendships. As I became more comfortable, I kept adding things onto my plate with coordinating and cooking for our weekly Newman Center dinners and planning fellowship events for graduate students. It got to the point where, again, I had something pretty much every night. When I would have a night off, you could find me on my couch, but still keeping busy with catching up on my TV shows, reading blogs, or making some sort of craft.

So, you can see that I like to fill my time with noise and something to do. Now imagine this girl, who loves to always be doing something on a five day retreat.

The first day of my retreat, I went to bed at 10 PM... the earliest I've gone to bed in years. Oh, did I mention that I also took a two hour nap that day? I don't ever take naps. Why did I spend so much time sleeping? I was bored. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't listen to music. I couldn't hang out with my friends. I couldn't even pretend to do work. Sleeping seemed the only cure for filling my time. This, for the most part, continued to be my pattern for the first few days.

What I failed to realize in the first few days was the lack of things to do was the point. To put away all distractions - forcefully, I might add - to focus on what often gets pushed to the side - time with God.

I've found, especially recently, that when I get some time off after a busy or stressful time, I take a vacation from life. Unfortunately, this means I also take a vacation from God. I don't go to Mass as often, I hardly take time to pray, I listen to less "good" music and jam out to more "bad" music, and I spend my time watching TV, shopping, sleeping, etc. Even though I have ample time (especially now while I search for a job), I often find that I put off spending time with God for later.

My view of the sunset each night.

What I came to realize on my retreat was that finding some time to relax doesn't mean taking a vacation from everything. God is not work, in the sense that it's hard work to cultivate a relationship with Him, but it is work that we should enjoy. Working on my relationship with God needs to be a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year kind of job. I don't get two weeks paid vacation from God time. I don't even get sick days. If I take a leave of absence, it is unpaid and when I do come back to "work", I have to spend a lot of time catching up from being away.

In trying to discover how to fill my time on this retreat, I saw that God needs to become my vacation from the hustle and bustle of life. He needs to be my sunset on the beach. He needs to be my time relaxing on the couch. He needs to be the kind of feeling I get when I can sleep in without having to set my alarm (trust me, it's a good feeling!).

When I began to realize this and started to treat God as my vacation, I suddenly found a lot of things to do on my retreat. I spent hours sitting in the chapel. I sat outside each night and watched the sun set over the Potomac. I read more Scripture than I have all year, and found a number of books to also enjoy, including C.S. Lewis, lives of the saints, and The Jeweler's Shop by Pope John Paul II. I walked around the grounds while meditating on things I had read. I started off each morning with a prayer in the chapel and finished each night with the same thing. Most importantly, in finding all these things to do, I tried to always unite my time with God. I started to find God in the stillness of daily life. I started to feel rejuvenated, alive again, which is exactly what vacations are for. Now my daily spiritual workout is to remember to take a vacation with God each and every day.

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. (Pedro Arrupe, SJ)

Letting Go

Imagine that someone has a firm grip on your arm. You try to pry off their fingers one by one, but as soon as you get a couple to release their grasp and move on to the next one, the ones you already pried off clinch right back down again.

Now imagine that the person with the firm grip on your arm is yourself.

Now imagine that it's not your arm on which you have a firm grasp, but your own heart.

I like to know what is planned, so a lot of times, I like to be in control. Unfortunately, this means that I often end up with a firm grasp on my own heart, instead of letting go and allowing God to cradle my heart instead (Psalm 131). Especially at this point in my life - where all the things I thought I would have by now haven't necessarily happened, and all the things I feel I should have figured out by now haven't been figured out - I am holding onto my heart more strongly than ever, trying to figure out what to do next.

This is where I have started to realize that I really need God and His grace. Matt Maher sings in Your Grace is Enough that God "wrestles with the sinner's restless heart." Well, God... bring it on. Let's do this. I'm ready. And even though I may wrestle back, I really do want You to win.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#26)

2011-06-24T10:30:00.000-04:00

Jen had a baby! So go visit Conversion Diary... maybe there will be some cute baby pictures up!

Long time, no talk! I don't really have a valid excuse for my long absence, as I still have been unable to find any kind of job, so I do spend a lot of time sitting around looking for jobs (and watching TV) and trying to not spend money (and watching TV). It seems whenever my schedule is so incredibly flexible that I put things like catching up on everything happening in blog world to the side. But fear not! I have a couple of posts in the making, one talking a little bit about my retreat and one is that Scripture meme going around (I was tagged by Trista too long ago... good thing they don't have an expiration date!). I also am working on a new blog layout... I am a bit of a perfectionist so I hope to have it just the way I like it soon!
Just a quick mention about my retreat since my actual post is so delayed - my silent retreat went well, although it was a lot more difficult that I imagined, but more on that later! Thanks to everyone who remembered to pray for me - I prayed for your intentions every day at Mass!
The job search is chugging along. I haven't been able to find anything really temporary even yet, and full time work just hasn't finished getting through the application process. I have had a few interviews for temporary work, so hopefully that will come rolling in soon! Pray for my job search? My sanity (and my bank account) would be very grateful!
Speaking of job searching, I am looking for a job in chemistry, and I've found (so far) that they best way to get my name in is through connections. So, a request. Do any of you or anyone you know work in the field of chemistry? If you do, could I send you my resume? Also feel free to check out my profile on Linked In and pass it on to anyone you know!

I find scruffiness handsome. Keep that in mind, future suitors!

Check out this great post that I found through Why I'm Catholic, which talks about how Christians become atheists. Simple answer - they start to think about objective truth, and in their search, they end up in the opposite direction of Truth.
I've been watching a lot of TV shows on DVD lately, because they're free from the library! I have long been a fan of the TV show Merlin from the BBC, so now I picked up another BBC show from a few years back called Robin Hood. It's really quirky, and quite cheesy, but I enjoy it (okay, I also admit that I find the actor who plays Robin very handsome). I think British humor just really resonates with my sense of humor (my British friend back home would definitely agree with this - she finds my dry sense of humor ha-larious!). Maybe I should just move to England where I can be immersed in British humor all day. I do sometimes miss living in London!

Finally, I have to give a shout out to Leila, because not only does she have some great posts this week, but she also is mailing me a copy of the book Unplanned by Abby Johnson. It's been on my reading list for awhile, and I do have a lot of free time to spend reading by the pool, so I can't wait to get it. You rock, Leila!

Shhhh!

2011-06-02T22:38:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow, I head off for the ultimate spiritual workout... a 5-day silent retreat. The idea of going on a silent retreat suddenly became appealing to me a few months ago in prayer, and it kept nagging at me... until I gave in! I hope that it will be an enlightening experience that will help lead me to the next steps in my life.

Please keep me in your prayers over the next 5 days, and I will remember your intentions during my retreat!

Feeling inspired?

John 14:15-21

2011-05-29T10:57:00.000-04:00

It is not the magnitude, or otherwise, of the work we have to do that should concern us, but the magnitude of the love with which we do it. It is a terrible mistake to suppose that if we simply carry out the commandments externally we have nothing to worry about. That can be no more than lip-service; it can be simply self-culture, the service of the self; and it can be a form of self-complacency and the kind of practical pelagianism which thinks it can get on very well without worrying too much about its radical sinfulness and need of God. Of course we have to try to keep the commandments; but the essential is to try to keep them in such a way that we learn to see more and more clearly our true Center, to keep our eyes more and more on God and less and less on ourselves, to say "I live, now not I, but Christ lives in me." There are, in fact, two opposite heresies here which we have to avoid: the one says, If I am right it doesn't matter what I do. We have to try to live in God, to be right; but we learn to be right only through slowly and painfully trying to do right; and on the other hand if we were really living in God then inevitably we should, as a matter of fact, do right, for we should hunger and thirst after righteousness.

- Father Gerald Vann, O.P.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#25)

2011-05-13T17:08:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

I GRADUATE THIS WEEKEND!!!! It's kind of hard to believe that I'll officially have a Master's degree. It seems like it's been a long process to get here (which is a long story which never turned into a blog post because it would have ended up being a novel), but I am so glad that I decided to switch from the PhD program and "leave" school early with a Master's. I guess I'll have to change my "About Me" section Sunday afternoon!
Now all that's left is to find a job... which has been cause for a lot of stress and anxiety - because not knowing my job situation leads to not knowing about my living situation which leads to not knowing what city or state I'll even be in past August. For someone like me that likes to have control of important situations and plans them out way in advance, it has been a very humbling experience, to say the least. It's definitely driving me to develop a deeper prayer life, that's for sure.
Speaking of prayer life, I just finished a novena to St. Frances Xavier Cabrini for help finding a job (she's my confirmation saint and I'm pretty sure she likes me a lot!)... still waiting for all those job opportunities to fall into my lap! No, but in all seriousness, I've come to enjoy praying novenas because, if anything, it keeps me accountable for devoting at least 15 minutes of prayer time in a chapel somewhere each day... but I almost always end up getting to Mass and/or Adoration as well.
This weekend is also a tough one because it means a lot of people are leaving town... I've grown really close to three of our FOCUS missionaries - spending lots of late nights laughing, doing crazy wholesome fun things, and having really thought provoking conversations. It will be difficult to not be able to spontaneously meet up with them for a drink and a good conversations anymore. Their friendship has had such a great impact on my life this past year, so I know we will keep in touch, but life will be a bit different without their joyful presence!
On Tuesday this past week, our chaplain treated us "seniors" to a day trip to Atlantic City, NJ. So the other senior and I packed up a van with the FOCUS missionaries, our campus minister, and our chaplain and hit the road. It was such a fun and relaxing day to spend on the beach and hanging out with everyone before they leave. We also got to reminisce about all the good memories from this past year... yea it got a little bit sentimental. There are some fun pictures posted here.
I'm pretty sure that if there was one prayer engraved on my heart, it would sound like this song:

Well, I have a long weekend ahead of me, so I'm going to rest for my seventh quick take! Have a great weekend!

Why Mary?

2011-05-03T00:57:00.002-04:00

This post is part of the Bright Maidens series of posts. Thanks to those lovely ladies for opening it up to all of us!

I've never really had a relationship with Mary.

I've often struggled with talking to her in prayer. I've certainly never been good at meditating on the mysteries of the rosary (I didn't even pray a full rosary until a year and a half ago!). Honestly, in prayer, I've just always wanted to go straight to Christ. Yes, I love my little saint intercessory prayers (my new favorite is a little rhyme to my confirmation saint, St. Frances Cabrini, for finding parking places in downtown DC... it works every time). I also send more than a few "Hail Mary" up to Heaven each day, but when I get deep down into prayer (which isn't often enough), I attempt to have a conversation with Christ (key word: attempt).

Sure, I understand why Mary is important. Her "Yes" made her the new Eve. Her "Yes" brought the new Adam into the world to redeem us all. God chose Mary to be His mother. That's a big deal. I understand and truly believe all of this, but there has still always been a roadblock between me and forming a relationship with Mary.

I think the biggest stumbling block for me is when I hear women say that it is easier for them to relate and talk to Mary, that they always take things to Mary, because she understands how it feels to be a woman.

I've always been confused by this, because I usually feel the exact opposite. Mary was perfect here on earth, and now she's perfect in Heaven. How on earth could I ever hope to relate to someone who is the perfect human being, and how could this perfect embodiment of submission to God's will ever be able to understand me?

Then, on Good Friday this year, I finally watched The Passion of the Christ for the first time. I was shocked and amazed at the brutality that Christ suffered for us. Yes, I always knew and understood that it was the ultimate suffering, and so it would be bad, but seeing it played out made it all the more real. I cringed when his flesh was ripped from his body at the scourging at the pillar. I winced when the crown of thorns was pushed onto his head. I literally curled up into a ball on my chair when the nails were driven through his hands and feet.

But my eyes as I watched Christ suffer? My eyes were dry.

I'm the kind of girl that cries in movies all the time. I've cried during The Prince of Egypt (*sob* God is *choke* soooo gooood! *hiccup*). I tear up during the scene in Pride and Prejudice as Lizzy and Mr. Darcy walk towards each other across the dew-soaked fields (he loves her *sooo* much that he did all those things just for her *tear*). I have been known to watch The Notebook when I just need emotional release through a good cry.

But as I watched Christ's Passion, my eyes were not moved to tears. Yes, I had the proper visceral reactions, but I had thought I would sob like I never have before.

Was there something wrong with me? Was I so cold that I couldn't even shed a tear for the One who died to redeem me? Cry, just CRY!, I screamed in my head.

And then I saw Mary.

I watched Mary place her ear against the stone ground, right above Jesus shackled underground, just to be nearer to her son.

I watched as she comforted Mary Magdalene, letting the young girl cry on her shoulder.

I watched as she used crisp white towels to soak up her son's blood from the cobblestones.

I watched Mary's memory of Jesus as boy: watching him fall, running to pick him up, whispering in his ear that she was there for him. I watched Mary run to whisper in the ear of her grown son, who was carrying the burden of the world on his shoulders, letting him know that she was still there for him.

I watched as Mary accepted John as her son when Christ gave him to her from the cross. I watched as he accepted her as his mother.

I listened as Mary cried out in agony, "Flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart, My son, let me die with you."

I watched Mary cradle her dead son as he was removed from the cross.

I watched her tears, watched her shake, watched her shudder in pain, but never to turn her eyes away from what her son was suffering. She always watched with a steadfast faith, even though her heart was being torn from her chest.

It was during these times when I watched Mary that I finally cried.

It was through this that I came to a new understanding of what it means to relate to Mary as a woman. It means relating to Mary as a mother, because all of us women are called to be mothers, whether it is physically bringing a child into the world or being a spiritual mother to friends and family. All women have that motherly instinct rooted within their souls, even though many "feminists" today try to ignore it and push it aside.

I was in too much shock to shed tears watching Jesus suffer, but I was able to cry whenever I saw Mary, because that motherly instinct rooted in my soul could experience an ounce of the pain she felt as she watched her son die.

I'm not a mother, and maybe I'm not called to be a mother, but serving and loving others as a mother would love a child is ingrained in what it means to be a woman.

This is why Mary is important to me, to all women, and to the Church as a whole. It's not just because she was perfect. It's not just because she was the vessel through which God was made flesh. Yes, those things are crucial.

But now when I ask myself - and more importantly, when others ask me - "Why Mary?" - I'll know the answer.

It's because she teaches us how to be women in how she teaches us to serve others by being the perfect mother.

Faithfully

2011-04-26T22:01:00.002-04:00

Do you ever feel like you are spiritually wandering around the desert?

Like the woman at the well, even the briefest encounter with Christ can be like a refreshing taste of cold water, even if we continue to wander through the dry abyss.

I can't help but reflect on this when I listen to Journey:

And being apart ain't easy on this love affair

Two strangers learn to fall in love again

I get the joy of rediscovering you...

You stand by me

I'm forever your's... faithfully.

Jesus Christ is Risen, Alleluia!

2011-04-24T11:04:00.001-04:00

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow.
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

- John Donne

"Faith in the resurrection of Jesus says that there is a future for every human being; the cry for unending life which is a part of the person is indeed answered. Through Jesus we do know 'the room where exiled love lays down its victory.' He himself is this place, and he calls us to be with him and in dependence on him. He calls us to keep this place open within the world so that he, the exiled love, may reappear over and over in the world... God exists: that is the real message of Easter. Anyone who even begins to grasp what this means also knows what it means to be redeemed."

- Pope Benedict XVI

"Man's resistance to death becomes evident: somewhere - people have constantly thought - there must be some cure for death. Sooner or later it should be possible to find the remedy not only for this or that illness, but for our ultimate destiny - for death itself... What would it really be like if we were to succeed, perhaps not in excluding death totally, but in postponing it indefinitely, in reaching and age of several hundred years? ... The true cure for death must be different. It cannot lead simply to an indefinite prolongation of this current life. It would have to transform our lives from within. It would need to create a new life within us, truly fit for eternity: it would need to transform us in such a way as not to come to an end with death, but only then to begin in fullness. What is new and exciting in the Christian message, in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, was and is that we are told: yes indeed, this cure for death, this true medicine of immortality, does exist. It has been found. It is within our reach. In baptism, this medicine is given to us. A new life begins in us, a life that matures in faith and is not extinguished by the death of the old life, but is only then fully revealed... Indeed, the cure for death does exist. Christ is the tree of life, once more within our reach. If we remain close to him, then we have life."

- Pope Benedict XVI

HAPPY EASTER!

Good Friday

2011-04-22T11:58:00.001-04:00

We call today Good Friday because of the infinite grace that abounds from Jesus' passion. Today, in a way, we celebrate suffering, because it shows us that we are human and it reveals Christ to each one of us. Through our suffering, we are able to join with Christ on the cross, even if our suffering is only a mere splinter of the heavy burden he carries. Through suffering, he fully shares in our humanity, uniting each of us with him.

A friend found this great explanation on the meaning of suffering - I Scream Therefore I Am. This excerpt in particular shows why suffering is so crucial to understand our desire for God:

We rage and weep because of suffering because we know deep down that we are destined for something better. Our existential wail in the face of suffering is so deep because we know that we were made for infinite happiness. Our fury at the irrational evil of suffering is because we know deep down that there must be a rational meaning and a reasonable answer. The pain and suffering is our deepest awareness of our need--yea our demand--for joy.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#24)

2011-04-15T00:03:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

I promise, once I finish up everything I've let pile up throughout the semester, I will post more than just Quick Takes! I seriously have about 5 drafts started already... just not enough time to finish them!
Teaching chemistry lab has been great for helping me work on patience, which is something with which I have always struggled. Unfortunately, it still has it's fun times... like this past week, when I caught a couple of my students blatantly copying an assignment. I would like to live in a perfect world where I don't have to worry about students cheating on an assignment that is worth 1.8% of their grade, but we obviously don't. My thinking is, if you're going to copy something, at least be smart enough to change the wording! It's out of my hands now, though, so hopefully it will work out for them.
On a lighter note, in the 5th grade, we did this huge interdisciplinary unit on the Revolutionary War. We had to each choose a hero from the war and research them and represent them at our tea party. I was Sybil Ludington, the female Paul Revere. Today, I saw this ad on Jill Stanek's site, and it just made me laugh. Obviously a low budget film, but she does have an inspiring story... still not sure I could make it through this movie though. Barely made it through the trailer without laughing a few times.

Check out this great piece by Joe Carter at First Things, who writes about abortion and the "Culture of Me".
I've been following along with this post over at Leila's Bubble, and I finally couldn't keep from chiming in anymore... it was starting to remind me of my post last week on abortion and the Holocaust. Sometimes, I just really don't understand the reasoning behind being pro-choice. It seems to me it's like the Holocaust, when people had the evidence in front of them and still denied that anything was wrong.
I'm going on a women's retreat this Saturday. I'm hoping it will be very eye opening for me... I am feeling overwhelmed with finishing up the semester, searching for jobs, and figuring out what I am actually doing with my life, so I hope that the retreat will be the centering that I need!
I can't believe I graduate one month from today! AH! Crazy!

7 Quick Takes Friday (#23)

2011-04-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jen for hosting!

I love how my Feedjit is always going crazy with people coming to my blog from all over the world! I would love to get to know more about you! Check out my Getting to Know YOU post.
Are you praying for the Pope? Join us as we pray a novena for the Pope for his 84th birthday present! It starts today and continues up until his birthday... so it's not too late! Check it out here.
Last week, I had a friend from college visit me for a week, and this weekend, two of my cousins are here to visit! It has been fun playing tourist with them, because sometimes I forget that I live in this amazing city where there is so much to do! Today, we are heading to a couple of the Smithsonian museums, Chinatown, Ford's Theater, and then maybe we'll make it until dinner time. I hope to take them out to the Basilica as well!
Last week, I had a tourist ask, "If you only had 2 days in DC, what would have to be on your list of things to do or see?" That's an easy answer for me... see the memorials and monuments at night. Gorgeous! My drive to and from campus some evenings gives me a front seat view to the Lincoln Memorial at night, and it is beautiful to behold. Crazy that humans are able to construct such beauty out of rocks, and yet some people still don't believe that we have a Divine Architect in charge of it all...
I am in the process of searching for a new roommate for (at least) the summer months. If you know any young women looking for a place in the DC area, let me know!
On the topic of "searching", I am looking for a job. I will be graduating with a Master's in Chemistry in May, so I am ready to entire the career world! Unfortunately, I still really am not sure what I want to do. I am looking at jobs with Catholic organizations and teaching high school chemistry in Catholic schools in addition to chemistry positions. If you know anyone who is hiring or looking to fill a position, please let me know! I would also appreciate any hints on where to search, as I am feeling a little lost in the job searching world right now.
God rested on the seventh day, and I'm going to take a rest on my 7th quick take so I can get ready to play tourist today!

Have a great weekend!

The Largest Genocide our World has Ever Seen

2011-04-03T14:19:00.006-04:00

I visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum recently with a friend who was visiting from home. This is the second time I've been there, and for those of you who have been to the museum know that it is a profound experience no matter how many times you see the exhibits.

A sign outside the museum that we really need to take to heart.

The museum is very well done, as it highlights not only the Hitler and Nazi regime, but also the factors that led to the atrocities committed during the Holocaust. There is also currently a special exhibit on Genocide, and how it is still happening today.

This happened to be the first exhibit that I walked through while I waited for my turn to go through the main permanent exhibition. While I was there, I just had the greatest sense of unease. It is awful that the genocides such as those in Rwanda and Darfur have happened and are continuing to happen. Why can't our world learn that this is not right? But the greatest sense of unease hit me when I sat down to watch a film detailing Hitler's rise to power. In this film, they defined genocide as the systematic murdering of large groups of people deemed inferior.

Systematic... done or acting according to a fixed plan or methodical system.
Murdering... the wrongful premeditated killing of one human being by another.
Inferior... a person lower than another in rank, status, or ability.

This definition of genocide is when it hit me, when I realized why I was feeling such unease in my heart. It was because we are committing the greatest act of genocide today in our world, and the worse part is that it is a legal and systematic act that ends the lives of millions of unborn children each year.

Pictures of actual victims line 3 stories of the building.

In the pro-life circles, it is not anything new to compare abortion to genocide and the Holocaust. However, I think my sense of unease came from the fact that the museum kept portraying all the defining qualities of genocide - all of which can blatantly be applied to abortion - but yet there wasn't even a mention of abortion whatsoever. Not even in the exhibit highlighting the atrocities in the genocides of our generation. There was an area where you could make a pledge to take action against the atrocities of genocide around the world, and I wrote that I will "continue praying for the respect, dignity, and protection of all human persons." This, ultimately, is what it comes down to. A lack of recognition and respect for the dignity of human life - even human lives that are different from ours, those lives that seem to be "inferior" to our "superior" intellectual and physical abilities.

As I spent hours walking through the exhibits, I was continuously struck by the similarities between the atrocities committed against the oppressed, mostly the Jews, during the Holocaust and the unborn children of the world today.

There was a section that highlighted the Nazi's T-4 euthanasia program, which shed light on the atrocities committed against men, women, and children with disabilities. They were used as experiments, and then exterminated because they were deemed inferior. I don't think there are many people that could see these atrocities and not see how wrong these acts were.

Yet, we are doing this today. It has been estimated that 90% of babies with down syndrome are aborted. This statistic doesn't even include the number of aborted children who test positive for other disabilities in the womb. I really would like to know how this is different from what the Nazis did during the Holocaust. How is almost completely wiping out children with different intellectual and physical abilities than the average person any different from the Nazi plan for euthanasia and extermination of those deemed inferior?

Of course, it doesn't end there. We all know from our history textbooks that Hitler and the Nazis set out to make the "inferior" races obsolete. 6 million Jews were exterminated because they were inferior, but that's not all. I think the numbers speak for themselves:

(The sources that Wikipedia used are listed on the main article thread.)

This toll doesn't really account for those that publicly and politically opposed the Nazis, although many of those can be accounted for in some of the above numbers. I am especially thinking about the many Catholic priests and laypeople who were martyred for standing up for the dignity of the Jews and others who were murdered.

Of course, the numbers differ depending on what source you use, but it must be recognized that none of these values are entirely accurate. How can one possibly track that many deaths? However, all in all, estimates for the total death toll from the Nazi genocide come to around 17-26 million individual lives lost from 1933-1945, or an average of 1.3-2 million deaths per year.

In comparison, there have been multiple statistical analyses tracking the number of abortions since 1973. An analysis in 2010 showed that 52 million abortions have been performed since Roe v. Wade legalized abortions in the United States, an average of 1.8 million abortions per year. How on earth can some humans be so blind as to not see that abortion has become our modern day Holocaust?

When we expand this to include the concept of inferiority, all you have to do is look at the numbers to see that abortion targets minorities. If looking at a map to see where Planned Parenthood builds most of their clinics isn't enough to notice this trend, you can also look at the statistics. Abortions are performed on more than 3 times as many minority children as it is on white children. From the census data in 2000, African-American women comprised 12.3% of the female population but accounted for 36.4% of the abortions in America in 2006. Hispanic women accounted for 25% of abortions in 2008, while they only made up about 12.5% of the female population in 2000. Meanwhile, 69% of America's female population check the "non-Hispanic, white" box on the census, but only account for 36% of all U.S. abortions. From 1973-2001, abortion alone has claimed more than 2.5 times as many African-American lives as the next five leading causes of death combined. Between Roe v. Wade and now, about 30% of the African-American population has been lost to abortion.

It is time for America to WAKE UP! We claim to be the heroes of defending freedom and protecting those who can't protect themselves, yet we are the leader in the largest genocide our world has ever seen. Yes, the latest action to try to defund Planned Parenthood is a start, but we have to go deeper than that. We have to appeal to the hearts of Americans. We can't do that with facts and numbers and percentages, but only by showing the reality of recognizing abortion as genocide. It can start with looking at the aftermath of the Holocaust that people still deal with today, but it ultimately has to come from a conversion of the American mindset and heart.

Where can we find the steadfast leaders we need to undertake this challenge?

The Catholic Church. Today. Yesterday. Every day.

From the Hall of Remembrance, from Deuteronomy 4:9

One of the things that gave me the most hope as I walked through the Holocaust exhibit was that the Catholic Church was recognized as being the only one who consistently opposed Nazi programs of sterilization, experimentation, and extermination of the "inferior" races (despite the fact that many claim the leaders of the Church either ignored the Holocaust or were Nazi supporters). It gave me hope - especially as a Catholic - to see that we continue to publicly oppose these horrors still present in the more modern forms of contraception and surgical sterilization, embryonic stem cell research, and abortion. We will not change our tune - even when we are publicly criticized for it - because this steadfast spirit in opposition is the right thing to do. People can now recognize the horrors of the Holocaust, and so they recognize that opposing the Nazis would have been the right thing to do. I hope and pray that the time comes soon when people will see this opposition against the atrocities in our modern culture as the right thing to do now as well.

As I walked through the exhibit and saw a wall that honored many priests and laypeople, who devoted their lives to hiding the Jews, and as I saw pictures of priests being executed for publicly opposing the Nazi regime, I started to keep true to my pledge. I asked those priests that were in the photos, by name, to pray for us and an end to genocide. We can't do this alone, and who better to turn to in our time of need today than the army who opposed these atrocities during the Holocaust.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

2011-04-03T00:41:00.000-04:00

I've recently discovered this blog called 1000 Awesome Things, and I find it highly entertaining. My favorite post thus far is this short and sweet one about making babies laugh.

Unfortunately, I haven't yet come across a post that highlights what is the one and only AWESOME... God!

However, this last post is kind of getting there... in a way...

Awesome thing #275 is... SUNDAY!

And it is awesome, because it is the day that our Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead! It is a feast (love me some juice today!) and a celebration. It is a time to rest and relax from the anxiety of life and enjoy time with friends, family, and God. Unfortunately, our society tends to forget the importance of this day of rest. So I was mildly surprised to see that this post mentions going to church, taking a break from the world, and enjoying quality time with your friends and family. That, in my opinion, is pretty awesome.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun... or Just Really Busy

2011-04-01T08:52:00.001-04:00

Instead of my 7 Quick Takes this week, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on some of my favorite blog posts of the year so far - both from my own blog and from a few others! As we are about one-fourth of the way through 2011 (when did that happen?!?!), it seemed like a good idea. My choices do not reflect all the amazing posts out there... I just apparently have been behind on catching up in the blog world lately.

January

I think my main theme for the month of January was LO VE... but my personal favorite post is a not-so-brief recap of my experience at FOCUS conference.
This post on finding spirituality in a secular song is one of the first I found on Startling the Day... and Elizabeth and I have been friends ever since!

February

This post on patience is hands down the favorite one that I wrote for the month.
This post at The Corner with a View on Julie's first novena just resonated really well with me since I just recently prayed my first novena!

March

Check out my latest post on keeping up with God's friendship!
Jennifer Fulwiler at Conversion Diary started a series on the Our Father this month for Lent. Be sure to check it out!
If you haven't checked out the Bright Maidens' series of posts yet... well, where have you been?
Short posts are not usually what you see on Little Catholic Bubble (which is why I love it!), but this one is definitely short and sweet.