5 Spiritual New Year’s Resolutions

This post was originally published at Ignitum Today.

New Year’s resolutions usually seem to be focused on doing things to improve our physical health such as losing weight, eating healthier, or exercising more. While it is important to evaluate our physical health and work to make changes, we also shouldn’t forget about our spiritual health. If we put as much effort into improving our spiritual lives as we did in going to the gym or counting calories, our faith lives would be so much more fruitful! New Year’s is then also a great time to evaluate our spiritual health, and resolve to make changes to bring us closer to Christ in this coming year and beyond.

Here are five ideas for spiritual New Year’s resolutions you can make to help improve your faith life in this new year.

1. Find a Spiritual Director

Talking with a trusted and faith-filled confidante about your prayer is great for deepening your prayer life. You can make a resolution to meet with a spiritual director regularly, or just check in every once in awhile. While I prefer meeting with a priest (because he can also double as your confessor), you can also meet with a religious brother or sister, or even a layperson who has been trained in spiritual direction. If none of those options are available to you, even talking with a close friend who shares your faith can open up your prayer for you. It can be easy to get so bogged down in our own thoughts that we might miss something that God is very clearly saying to us. Spiritual direction can really help unpack all these thoughts to help lead us closer to God.

2. Add 5 more minutes of prayer to your day

If you want to become closer to another person, you spend more time with them. The same is true for God! If you want to build a deeper relationship with Him, talking to Him more will lead to that. A good place to start is to add just 5 more minutes of prayer to what you already do each day. Do you only pray for 5 minutes a day right now? Try to pray for 10 minutes. Do you do a holy hour every day? Try to do an hour and five minutes. This time adds up to an extra 35 minutes a week spent with God, and the benefits of adding this extra time far outweighs the time you give to Him.

3. Read a spiritual book

I love making reading resolutions at New Year’s, but I often forget to include a spiritual book on my list! There are so many options to choose from, including Scripture, writings by the saints, writings about the saints, and books on Catholic doctrine. Make a resolution to take the time and sit and read (and finish!) a spiritual book this year to help deepen your understanding of the faith.

4. Add one more spiritual activity to your monthly schedule

Life gets busy, and so it can be hard to make changes to your daily life. It can be easier though to add something new to your monthly schedule. This year, I’m making a resolution to go to daily Mass at least three times a month. I went to daily Mass every day when I was in graduate school, and so I know first-hand that words really cannot describe how much daily Mass and frequent reception of the Eucharist added to my faith life. Daily Mass may not be doable for you or in your town, so you can add another spiritual activity instead, such as spending a holy hour in Eucharistic Adoration, going to confession once a month, or even adding a volunteer service activity to your schedule to help celebrate the Year of Mercy.

5. Add a daily devotion

This one is especially good for people on the go, because you can read and reflect on your daily devotion on your commute or during your lunch break. I personally love reading the reflections in the Magnificat (although I need to get better about reading it every day), but there are a wealth of apps and e-mail devotions you can use too. There are 3-Minute Retreats from Loyola Press you can sign up for, you can have Blessed is She devotions waiting in your inbox each morning (specifically for women), or you can choose from a number of Catholic apps to use instead of playing on your phone at lunch (some great lists are here and here). It only takes a few minutes to read the daily readings and a short reflection, and it can make a huge difference to your day to just center yourself on God for a few extra minutes.

Did you make any spiritual New Year’s resolutions this year? Share your ideas in the comments!

Saint Stories

Saints: Picking Them, Picking Us

Julie @ The Corner with a View

Befriend the Saints and Be Prepared by Trista @ Not a Minx

My Unexpected Friends by Amanda @ Worthy of Agape

...and YOU! Join us on Facebook!

I don't know what I did without the saints.

Or, I guess the more accurate way of saying that is that they were always there, but I don't know how I survived spiritually before I realized they were there with me.

I've shared a few saint stories here and there as I've come to know the saints more on my faith journey. Each saint has their own story to tell; each saint's story is unique. Yet each saint has at least one thing in common with the others: they each offered up everything they had to love, serve, and follow God. Each saint has a story with their name; and each saint has that story to share with us.

Tonight I was praying the Rosary, and I decided to try out something a bit different for me. Instead of meditating on how the mystery related to my intention, I instead placed myself into that moment in Christ's life and tried to experience it as those who were present at the time experienced it. I watched as they watched, and waited to see where each of these meditations took me.

My mind started out watching Christ, thinking of his experience and what it meant in our salvation story. Yet, the other people who were present and watching Christ quickly distracted me. What about them? What did they see? What did they think? How did they feel? Most importantly, were their hearts converted in that moment?

That is when it hit me. There are men and women and children who were present at each of these moments of Christ's life who experienced profound conversion of hearts - whether it was at that moment in time or later in life - and who are now among the saints in Heaven. These events were not stories out of history books, but Christ was actually present and these things actually happened and these were real people who actually witnessed each of these moments in time firsthand.

Real people!

So I joined my heart with those surrounding me in each of these moments, and called out to these saints. Please! All of you who witnessed this moment, all of you who felt a stirring in your heart as you experienced this moment with Christ, join with Mary and pray for my intention! As you gave your hearts over to Christ in these moments, give him my heartfelt prayer! I did this throughout Christ's public ministry, all the way from his baptism to his crucifixion. I begged those who were there and believed to take my intention to Christ.

I instantly felt surrounded by something outside of myself. I wasn't speaking to people I had never met before, but I was calling upon people who had been and always will be there. I was calling upon thousands of saints to hear my plea and pray for it. Thousands! There were thousands of hearts that witnessed Christ just in these few moments and were changed for forever; thousands of hearts that now live with him in eternity in Heaven. And these thousands of hearts were praying with me; praying for me.

Death doesn't separate us from those in the past. Christ conquered death, and because of that, we are still all connected through him and with him and in him, connected to each heart and soul that has traveled before us on the path that led them each to sainthood in Heaven. I may not be able to call on each of them by name, but each saint has a story. They each share this story with me, pray with me, and cheer for me, as I stumble along trying to write my own saint story.

Mama Mary

I've written before about how I've struggled to have a relationship with Mary.

That was until Mary quite literally nudged her way into my life a little over a year ago.

I had been praying for a special intention that I hold very close to my heart for some time, but I felt like I had hit a stumbling block. I could only do so much by praying, and things weren't happening on the timeline that I wanted. Add in that I still felt like I was in the midst of that pesky spiritual dry spell, and I was getting frustrated... I wanted things to happen now.

There had been a few times during all of this prayer that I had felt a little nudge to pray a rosary for my intention or to talk to Mary about it, but I kept shrugging that feeling away.

What can Mary do to help me with this? How can I even begin to relate to her?

So I kept pushing her away.

On a night like any other, I found myself praying in the chapel. It was very late; the chapel was dark and quiet, and I was completely alone. I sat as I usually do when I'm alone in the chapel - on the floor, right in front of the tabernacle. I had just finished praying a novena for my intention, and was having a little beg session chat with the saint of my novena when it happened.

Mary snuck her way into my thoughts again.

Turn to me.

I pushed the thought aside as I always had before.

Ask me for help. Please.

I gave a mental exasperated sigh.* I closed my eyes, and cleared my mind.

(Source)

Fine. I give up. What do you want, Mary?

And at the exact moment when I decided to let Mary in, I no longer saw the darkness of my closed eyelids, but instead my vision was flooded with one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.

I could see Mary, as if I was watching her from above. She held my intention tightly in her arms, close to her heart. Her mantle was wrapped around it, to shield and protect it from all harm. Just as she once held her Son, she was holding my heartfelt prayer with all the love and care that a mother can give. Most importantly, she wasn't letting go.

It was in this moment that I began to cry.

This is why you've been bugging me for so long, I thought. You've been trying to show me, all along, that you're taking care of this.

And so, that night, and every night since, I've handed this intention that I carry with me over to Mama Mary. I see her hold it close to her heart, and I know that she will never let go, until the time is right for her to place it at the feet of her Son.

Recently, my spiritual director encouraged me to do a 54 day novena to Mary. As I set out on perhaps the most challenging spiritual quest I've ever taken on, I can't help but think that Mary is behind this, too. Always trying to nudge me into a deeper relationship with her, because she longs to bring me closer to her Son.

*In retrospect, I was so rude to Mary. I know. Again, I'm pretty sure she's forgiven me, because she loves me and we're pretty much like this now:

When we finally get to meet Mother Mary in Heaven, 
from Let Me Be Catholic Tumblr

Anything but Marriage? (Not Alone Series: Discernment)

Not Alone Series: Discernment

Late to the game, as usual. But I get there, so that counts, right? I missed the "Getting to Know You" portion of this all, so I'll be quick.

I'm Liesl. No longer 16 going on 17. You can read all about me, if you wish. I also like chocolate, sarcasm, and chocolate covered sarcasm. In that order.

Oh, and you should probably know that I really dislike being single - more than when all the chocolate is gone - and I'm also really really terrible at being single, so of course, I love to write about it.

Onward!

Discernment. Way to start us off with a light and easy topic... I'll try to keep it as hot and heavy as possible.

(Although I really think that I'm the last person in the entire world who should be writing about any kind of discernment. If there's one thing I've learned from my spiritual life the past two years, it's that I am completely terrible at discerning God's will. Like fail-tacular. I will pray about something a lot for a long time, do the whole "Thy will be done!" thing, sense that my prayer and certain signs are leading me in a certain direction, jump in wholeheartedly because I'm following God's will, y'all!, and then...

CRASH AND BURN!

To be fair, I haven't completely given up on the latest excursions into God's will-land... but all of that is a not-yet-completed-story for a yet-to-be-determined time.)


Did I just go off on a tangent? That tends to happen. Ever so sorry.

So, discerning my vocation. I suppose it really all started a few years ago, when I began to meet regularly with my spiritual director.

There's one thing you need to know. My spiritual director loves vocations... especially religious vocations. Are you a man? He will ask you every day of your life if you've thought about being a priest. Are you a lady? He may not ask you every day of your life, but he will ask... a lot.

And that was the first time I encountered the "Liesl, have you ever thought about being a nun?" question.

I laughed. Really really hard.

Me?! A nun?! Are you serious?!

When I realized he was serious, I got a little bit defensive.

But I've always wanted to get married and be a mother. Always.

His response: Yea, I always wanted to get married, and see where that got me? It's not a sacrifice if you give up something you don't want.

That's when I pulled out the big guns.

What, so I'm not good enough for a man? I haven't found a guy yet so I should just give up on marriage and run for the religious life?

He assured me that's not what he meant, but he let it go. For then.

After I left that spiritual direction session, I couldn't help but thinking about what he said, and laughing some more. I mean, I'm pretty sure that if I were a nun, I'd be like Maria...

Oh, I'm supposed to be at morning prayer right now? Whoops...

I also have confidence in rain, that spring will come again, and in my complete inability to heel click.

Along with impatience, laziness, sarcasm, mimicking British accents, et al, etc, la dee dah!

You get the idea?

I later told a couple of my very Catholic friends that my priest had dared to suggest that I think about the religious life. I asked them, Me as a nun?! Can you see that at all?

They all said, "Well, yea..."

That shut me up right quick.

After a little bit of thought and a lot of singing The Sound of Music in my head, I realized that I had always assumed that I would get married because that's what I wanted, but I had never really discerned what God wanted for me. I realized that whatever God was calling me to do would make me as happy as I could possibly be here on earth. Why would He call me to something that wouldn't bring me the happiness He created me for?

So I decided I was going to be open to it, whatever "it" was. I kind of informed my spiritual director that I wasn't going to actively pursue any particular vocation for a bit, but I was going to open my heart to be open to any vocation - marriage, single life, or religious life - and let my prayer be that God would place the desire in my heart for what He wanted for me. And for many months, my prayer wholeheartedly became, Thy will be done.

During this time, I met lots of people. Guys. Gals. Married people. Single people. Priests. And nuns. We had some nuns come by our Newman Center every couple of weeks to go to lunch, lead discussions, and just generally hang out. They were young. They were hip. And they were joyful.

I mean, they smiled ALL THE TIME! If they weren't smiling, it was because they were laughing! Which was also a lot! I quickly realized that I enjoyed being around them because they were so happy!

It also didn't take me long to realize that I felt no inclination towards their life. I loved their joy, but I didn't see their joy as someday being my joy. I prayed about it a lot, and asked God to please place a desire for their joy in my heart, if that's where He wanted me to go. But that desire never came, and it still hasn't.

Wuv! Twue wuv!

My prayer during this time especially drew me closer to God, but it also drew me closer to that desire for a husband and children.

Have I had any profound visions of my wedding day during my prayer? No, but God knows that would just be waaaaay too easy for me (right, God? I mean, I could take easy right now...).

Have I met that special man who will someday wait for me at the altar? I don't really know, but if we have met, we definitely haven't fully realized that we've been placed in each others' lives for the very specific purpose of marriage.

Since that time when I was really-super-duper-whatever-you-want-God! open to any vocation, I've had a few moments of very clear consolation towards marriage. You know, no fireworks or neon signs (boy, would that be nice...), but deep senses of peace that could only be from God. And, well, confirmation from my spiritual director, of course.

Like that time where I went on a 5 day silent retreat that was... well, let's just say, quite an experience for me... and my spiritual director and I agreed that we still haven't figured out what God wants for me but we could definitely cross "cloistered nun" off the list.

Or like another time when I very casually mentioned to my spiritual director that I didn't really feel any calling to the religious life, and his response surprised me quite a bit. His words:

Oh, yea, I agree... with your sense of humor, you couldn't be called to anything but marriage.

Um, thanks Father? I'm going to take that as a compliment... and as another little sign among many that I'm discerning the correct-ish vocational path.

So I continue to discern, and I continue to wait - very impatiently, because that's how I roll - and sometimes, I even continue to try to pray "Thy will be done" even when spiritual dry spells or heartbreak stand in my way. I may not be very good at placing complete trust in God, but I know deep down that He won't let me stray too far from the happiness He has planned for me.

Offer It Up

The Bright Maidens are back to Live Lent!

Welcome back ladies, we've missed writing with you!

Our Heavenly Father... longs  to convince us of his passionate love for each one of us, that relentless mercy which calls - and enables - us to share his own divine life, that fiery outpouring of love... Let's face it, we humans really don't want God to love us that much. It's simply too demanding. Obedience is one thing, but this sort of love clearly calls for more than keeping commandments. It calls for nothing less than total self-donation. That might not be a difficult job for the three infinite Persons of the Trinity, but for creatures like us, such love is a summons to martyrdom. This invitation requires much more suffering and self-denial than simply giving up chocolate for Lent. It demands nothing less than a constant dying to self.

-Scott Hahn, A Father Who Keeps His Promises, page 18

When I was "growing up" (as in, through college!), I never really took the "Give up something for Lent" thing very seriously.

That wasn't completely honest. I never really took Lent seriously.

That wasn't completely honest either. I never really took the whole "Living the Catholic Faith" thing seriously.

Anyway, I thought Lent was just another part of the Church year where you just chug-chug-chugged along until you got to wear your brand new dress at Easter.

I would sometimes "give up" something for Lent, but I hardly ever stuck to it. Or if I did, I found ways to master my way around it.

Like that time I gave up dessert... I started eating my cake before dinner. Appetizers, anyone? I get points for creativity, right?

Christ of St. John of the Cross
by Salvador Dali

Thankfully, I've grown to learn that Lent is not just another part of the Church year. It is the Church year.

It is through Lent that we truly live out the Christian life. Suffering and sacrifice and wandering in the spiritual desert with Christ? Yes. We are all called to walk the way of the Cross.

But like at the end of Lent, we are also told that through our suffering and sacrifice and spiritual dryness, we will encounter joy and love through the Cross and ultimately with the Resurrection.

We aren't called to just chug through Lent for 40 days. We are called to live it... each and every day. Yes, the entire year!

Since I started taking Lent - and, well, this whole living Catholic thing - seriously, sacrifice and suffering for me has been focused on giving up attachments that are in some way keeping me from giving a complete gift of self to God and others. It's about giving up things that distract me and get in the way of being who I am called to be.

Here's my Lenten routine...

Give up chocolate. Chocolate and I have a very... special relationship. 

... and that's putting it mildly! All I can say is, Bless the poor souls who get to put up with me when I go all cold turkey without my chocolate.

Chocolate is an addiction for me. I crave it. I need it. I have torn apart my kitchen looking for it before. I don't know what it is, but there are times that it controls me. And after I give into the craving, I always feel a little bit sad, because I didn't have the self-control to say no!

So by giving it up for Lent, I am working on my self-control, which Lord knows is something I need... desperately. And not just with chocolate.

Give up the drinks. I love milk. I enjoy juice. I like a beer every now and then. I hate water. Hate it. It's so... boring! Seriously, something that is that good for you should at least have a taste!

So, for Lent I'm giving up all drinks except for water (and I make an exception for milk on my cereal... girl needs her multi-grain Cheerios, mkay?!). 

In addition to giving up chocolate, only drinking water helps me put some focus on not just my spiritual health, but also my physical health. My body is a temple for the Holy Spirit! After I receive the Eucharist, I am physically carrying Christ to the world! I know that I sometimes put so much effort into my spiritual workout that I just put my body to the side, but I have to remember that this body is a gift from God, and needs nurtured just like everything else.

Listen only to Christian music. I wrote about how I love my little musical guilty pleasures. I actually don't really find anything wrong with non-Christian music, but I do find something wrong with how I let it affect me sometimes.

I love love love music and how it speaks to me, but there are times when my guilty pleasures feed into my state of life - I'm talking loneliness, impatience, and lack of trust. Listening to a lot of this music (ahem, maybe mostly TSwizzle Diggity Dawg) brings all of these emotions to the forefront - even when I was feeling perfectly fine before! - and just lets that longing for wanting to be loved and cared for by another surface and bubble over. And this is when the emotional chastity goes out the door and the pity party begins.

By listening only to Christian music (or music that reminds me of God), it helps me shift that desire for another to my longing for The Other, as in God. It leads my heart and mind to be more focused in prayer, and I have to say that of all the things I've ever sacrificed, this has been the most fruitful for me in building a stronger spiritual life. It also reminds me why I struggle so much with loneliness, impatience, and lack of trust - because the desire I have for loving another is a good thing! But it also reminds me that I have to have patience, which again, Lord knows I need!

~*~

Some of you might be thinking, "Uh Liesl, did you not read your own book excerpt that you put at the beginning? Lent is more than just giving up chocolate!" And you would be right!

So, what do we do with all these little sufferings and sacrifices? OFFER IT UP! 

This is a concept that evaded me until a couple of years ago, but think about it... What did Christ do? Whine that he had to die on the Cross? H--- to the NO!

He offered it up for each and every one of us, in atonement for our sins. We are invited to join with his sacrifice by offering up our sacrificial splinters to be a part of his cross.

I offer up each of my sacrifices and sufferings for something very close to my heart, each and every time. But you can offer it up for anyone or anything you want - just don't waste your suffering! 

... Even if you are just suffering over not being able to chomp on a piece of chocolate!

St. Joe, My Beau

Besties!

Today is my new favorite feast day, the Solemnity of St. Joseph.

Is it because St. Joseph was probably the holiest person to walk this earth after Jesus and Mary? Not really.

It's actually because St. Joseph is my new BFF.

Why, you ask, has St. Joe, my beau, become my latest new friend?

Because he is one of the greatest intercessors EVER. He's the bestest friend a gal could ask to have!

I'll have to back track a bit, but let me tell you our philia love story...

Once upon a time, not too long ago, in a land not too far from here, there was a young, 20-something Catholic trying to live life to the fullest...

I prayed my first novena ever a little over a year ago to the Holy Spirit. I was discerning a call to ministry, and prayed earnestly for some concrete answers. It became clear to me that I was not heading where God was calling me. Unfortunately, praying that novena was the last time I remember sensing God's presence and peace in my prayer life, and this is where I entered the dark desert of my spiritual dry spell.

My last post detailed that this last year has been rough, to say the least. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out "What's next?!" and have been down the "Nope, that's not it..." road more often than not. Pile months of unemployment and a major back injury on top of my massive spiritual dry spell and it's probably not difficult to understand why I've felt like a lost and wandering soul in the desert, without an oasis in sight, wondering where God was in all of this.

Source

Thankfully, I have a great prayer army that have kept showing me where the path is when I haven't been able to find it on my own.

One of these ways of trying to keep me on the path was my spiritual director urging me to keep praying novenas. I was willing to try anything, and the side effect of forcing me to pray for 9 days straight wasn't too bad for me either.

I started out by praying a Lenten novena for an end to the darkness. It just got darker.

Then I tried praying one to the Holy Spirit again for guidance. Imagine crickets chirping. I gave up for a few months.

Then when I hurt my back, I prayed one to St. Gemma Galgani. I still felt pretty alone in my suffering, even though I knew that Christ was carrying the Cross for me.

After 4-5 months of unemployment, I was getting desperate to find a job. I decided to pray a novena to St. Frances Xavier Cabrini, my confirmation saint. She's always got my back when I need to find a parking spot downtown,* so I hoped that she would be able to persuade God to send a job my way. But, again it just felt like I was reciting meaningless words to an empty void.

*Cabrini, Cabrini, don't be a meanie, find me a place to park my machinie!

I was ready to give up on the whole novena thing. Oh yeah... and I was ready to give up on the whole spiritual dry spell thing, too. My mental yelling at God: You want to keep me in the dark, God? Fine. I'll just do the bare minimum to get by! No, I wasn't angry/frustrated/fed up at all!

Sensing my desperation, my spiritual director urged me to give another novena a shot. He suggested a novena to St. Joseph as our last ditch effort for me to get a job. I'm not kidding when I say "last ditch" either. I was ready to pack up and move home. I begged my way through that novena, yet it still felt pretty empty and bleak. Was someone actually listening in Heaven? I finished that novena, not expecting much to happen.

A few days later, I had a job offer.

Granted, it was for an administrative assistant position for a property management company (i.e. not related to my field at all), but it was a JOB.

Thanks to my oh-so-great spiritual mood (see my mental yelling above), I half-heartedly thanked St. Joseph. I had a friend in Heaven, but I had a roadblock up to acknowledging that. Somehow, what he had done wasn't really enough to prove to me that he prayed on my behalf and God answered.

I thought that getting a job would solve all my problems, especially spiritually. I thought that once I didn't have the worry of being job-less looming over me, my spiritual dry spell would dry up and all would be right with my world again. Except it wasn't. I was thankful to have a paycheck every two weeks, but I also knew that my search was not over. It was clear to me that my job was not my calling in life, and I struggled to figure out how to continue discerning the next step. The spiritual dryness still persisted, and while I was starting to accept it, that didn't make the silence and unrest I felt in prayer any better.

Fast forward. After months of whining about venting calmly and coherently sharing my continued spiritual frustrations with my spiritual director, can you guess what he suggested?

If you guessed praying another novena to St. Joseph, you win the prize!

At this suggestion, our conversation went something like this: (the following may contain slight exaggeration for dramatic effect)

Me: ANOTHER ONE?!?!!? C'mon, can't I be done with this whole prayer thing? It doesn't seem to be working.
SD: No.
Me: But I feel so lost in my prayer! I don't even know where to begin! I don't even know what I should be asking!
SD: Keep it simple. Pray: "Show me my vocation. Show me what's next."
Me: (grumble grumble exasperated sigh) Fiiiiiiiine...

So I did.

It just so happened that the timing of all of this worked out that I would be finishing up my novena on Ash Wednesday, the unofficial anniversary of my spiritual dry spell. Coincidence? I'll leave that for you, dear reader, to decide.

A dim flicker of hope?

Knowing that it was probably because of St. Joseph that I got a job before, I tried to pour my heart and soul into my broad novena intention. Throughout the nine days, however, my simple intention evolved into more and more petitions, desires that had been lying on my heart that I had been ignoring. I started to glimpse little flickers of light and feel tiny waves of peace rushing over me when I prayed, but they didn't last very long.

Day nine arrived, and I spent part of my lunch break praying my novena in front of the Blessed Sacrament, begging dear St. Joseph to show me something... anything! Part of me hoped that I would be rewarded with a spectacular vision of my life all laid out, but I left adoration without any new revelations. By this time, I wasn't too surprised. I had become fully accustomed to my dry spell.

It was that night when things started to get weird. One of the intentions that had shoved its way into my nine days of prayer popped up, and I dared to think, "Could this be a result of my novena?"** Not wanting to set myself up for disappointment though, I tried not to read anything into it, and I went to sleep that night still waiting for answers.

**This became the very specific intention of my next St. Joe novena, which I finished today!


The next day was any other day, just a normal Thursday. I'd missed a call while at work, and I finally got a chance to check my voicemail while driving home.

This is [insert name of HR person here] at the US [insert government agency name here] calling to make you a job offer as a [insert job title here]. The salary is [insert number that is way more than I've ever made in my life here]. If you could please give me a call back, I would be happy to give you more details. Congratulations, we're excited to have you join us!

Can you imagine my shock?

But wait, it gets better.

I got home and not only did I have an email from this person with more details, but I had another job offer in my inbox from a company in Ohio.

This is when I started freaking out! After almost a year of job craziness, I suddenly had two job options staring me in the face?!


St. Joseph, I asked you to show me what's next! How are TWO JOB OFFERS showing me what's next? That's making me make a decision! You were just supposed to show me everything... Oh wait.... I get it.

I then realized that I have a best friend looking out for me in Heaven. St. Joe wanted to help me so much that he asked God to throw it all at me. He has such a powerful position with God that God did just as he asked! Yes, I was faced with a difficult choice, but I somehow knew that with the guidance of St. Joseph, I would make the right decision for my life right now.

Through a bit more prayer, I felt at peace with accepting the job that would keep me in the DC area. I felt like something was keeping me tethered here, and even though I haven't figured out what it is, I decided to trust that sense of calm and stay. I accepted the job with the government agency less than a week later, and started my new position a week ago.

The past few weeks have been crazy, to say the least. I don't know if I've ever felt so overwhelmed from everything in my life, but despite this, I feel more at peace than I have in the past year.

Is this new job the one I will have for the rest of my life? I have absolutely no idea, but I am pretty sure it's where I am meant to be right now. I've already seen fruits from my decision, and it's only been a week!

Even more, while I don't think I have both feet entirely out of the desert yet, I think I might relief on the horizon. Even tonight, as I finished my latest novena to St. Joseph, I couldn't help but let a smile cross my face. I'm not alone anymore when I close my eyes to pray. In my mind's eye, I can see St. Joseph taking my prayer intentions to the Heavenly feast, offering them up for me to God.

St. Joseph was a father and husband, chosen by God to lead the holiest of families. He lived his life as a faithful servant to Christ, working hard to provide whatever his family needed. He did all of this with humility, despite the suffering he had to have endured throughout his life, and was graced with the privilege of dying in the arms of Jesus and Mary. This same St. Joe has become my Heavenly beau, my cheerleader, my guide. He wants me out of that desert so that I too can live my life as a faithful servant to Christ.

So, don't be surprised if I start hanging out with St. Joe all the time. We do practically everything together now. You might even say we're attached at the spiritual hip. I want to keep my friend with me in my daily life, so that hopefully I will someday get to meet him in Heaven so I can say, "Thank you, St. Joe, my beau!"

St. Joe even helps me blog!

Remember, most pure spouse of Mary, ever Virgin, my loving protector, Saint Joseph, that no one ever had recourse to your protection or asked for your aid without obtaining relief. Confiding, therefore, in your goodness, I come before you and humbly implore you. Despise not my petitions, foster-father of the Redeemer, but graciously receive them. Amen.

The Desert

Unless you gave up cake for Lent...
then you can't come to the party.

The start of the Lenten season marks the one year* anniversary of my spiritual dry spell.


*Church year, not calendar year.


To commemorate this momentous occasion, I'm going to have an anniversary party. You're all invited!

Kidding.

Unfortunately, I'm not quite to the partying part yet. I have gotten to the point where I've accepted this dry spell - whatever it means - but I haven't gotten to the point of rejoicing. Maybe someday I will go all St. Paul and learn how to rejoice in my suffering (2 Cor 12:10, Rom 5:3, Col 1:24, etc.), but until then, I'll have to save my cake-eating and happy-dancing for other occasions.

I suppose it is fitting that my dry spell began with Lent last year. I entered the desert with Christ, but for reasons known only to God, I didn't experience the joyous resurrection of coming out of the spiritual desert when Easter rolled around. While there have been brief periods of spiritual enlightenment, joy, and revelation, I haven't been able to leave that dry, arid desert for a year - at least, not yet.

Throughout the past year, I've had many people ask me what I mean by "spiritual dry spell" and to describe what it's like. This is not a question that offers an easy answer!

Jesus Ministered to by Angels, by James Tissot

Looking to Christ, we know a little about his 40 days in the desert. He ate nothing for 40 days, and when the days were over, he was hungry (that's the understatement of the year). We hear in this Sunday's Gospel that the angels ministered to him while he lived amongst the wild beasts.

Oh, and he was tempted by that pesky Devil. Over and over again. He was offered food, power, and riches - everything that someone in a weakened state could ever dream about - but Christ turned it all down.

While we have insight into what Jesus did in the desert through the Gospel accounts, we have no inkling of what his heart, mind, and soul were going through during that period in the spiritual wasteland.

Did he feel as if God had abandoned him?

Did he close his eyes to pray and see only darkness and emptiness?

Did his heart yearn for the closeness he once felt with the Father?

I don't have the answers as to what Christ went through. I think that perhaps he had to experience that in some way, since he was human in every way but sin. We all go through periods of spiritual dryness, and these times are even more noticeable when we go from an on-fire faith life to being thrown in the desert. Each person experiences this dryness in a different way.

I can say that for me, my dry spell is not necessarily characterized by feelings or temptations, but by the lack of something - anything - which makes it difficult to describe.

This picture lacks a presence.

When I close my eyes to pray, it's not that it is dark, as if the light has been turned off. It's as if it is entirely empty, like there was never a light there in the first place. Where I once felt God's presence guiding my prayers, I now do not sense any presence at all. It is like there is a void that was once full and over-flowing. Where I used to be able to sit in tranquil silence, waiting to listen to God, the silence is now more noted by a lack of thoughts than a peaceful presence. I used to desire to go to Mass every day - like a girl giddy with love - but I no longer have that intense longing to be in His presence. Where I used to find rest before, the past year has felt as if I've been carrying a heavy burden. No matter how much I try to sit at Christ's feet, I still feel as if I'm begging to be recognized. Most significantly, it doesn't feel as if I have been carrying a cross with Christ, but  all of this has felt as if I've been all alone.

In my heart, I know that God hasn't left me, and I know that I haven't been carrying this alone, but that doesn't make the sensation of feeling alone any less. I can read and reflect on the idea of suffering all I want, but that doesn't actually make the suffering go away. At the end of the day, I can accept it all while still wondering why I'm in this spiritual state, right here and right now.

I think one of the most significant things I have learned in this past year through a lot of reflection and even more spiritual direction is that God has a plan for all of this. He has led me to this dry spell - and kept me there -for reasons only known to Him. We even read in all of the Gospel accounts that it is the Holy Spirit that leads Jesus into the desert. Not the Devil. Not some shiny object. God Himself leads Christ into the desert. Scripture doesn't say why, but we know that there must be a good - and important - reason why God would not only allow this to happen, but also to actually lead His son into the dryness. If He had a reason for doing that for Christ, then He must have a reason for doing it for me, too.

All I know is that whatever is coming for me after all of this must be big. After all, Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert only to come out and begin his public ministry, proclaiming the Kingdom of God, and calling all sinners to repent and believe in the Gospel. (Mk 1:12-15) While I don't see myself busting out of this dry spell standing on street corners yelling at people to repent - it's not really my style - I have come to trust over the past year that there is something big in the works. Someday, I will hopefully look back at this time in my life and think, "That's what it all was for." Until then, I just have to keep praying - begging is the more correct term - and wait. Just as Christ came out of the desert, I will someday too, still walking along beside Him.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#33)

Hosted by Betty Beguiles this week!

The beauty of the Catholic Church is that we always have a Prayer Army to call upon in our time of need! 

1. I started a novena to St. Joseph this week. Will you keep my novena intention in your prayers?
2. My youngest sister is getting confirmed in May, and has asked me to be her sponsor. Will you pray for her, especially as she is going on her retreat on Monday?
3. A good friend has two very difficult exams today. Will you pray for the Holy Spirit to bring him calm and peace during this stressful time?
4. Please keep one of my good friends from home in your prayers. I get the feeling that he is struggling a lot with his faith right now. Please pray that he will be led back to the Church, and pray that I can know how to better reach out to him with love and understanding.
5. I have been asked to help lead a retreat for young adults. Will you pray for our retreat core leadership team as we work over the next six weeks to plan a powerful retreat experience for ourselves and those who join us for a weekend away?

6. Let's pray for our priests! For the ones who always try to speak the truth. For the ones who speak the truth gently. For the ones who speak the truth forcefully. For the ones who cause people to leave the pews because they can't handle the truth. For the ones who no longer know the truth. For the ones who no longer care about the truth. Our priests are one of our most powerful weapons against the evils of this world, and we need them all fighting for Christ and his Church. St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle!
7. I would be happy to pray for your intentions as well. Do you have any special intentions you would like me to remember in my prayers this week?

Here is a great recording of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy set to song. One of my friends found it this past week, and I've found comfort in it. I hope you enjoy it, too!