Mama Mary

I've written before about how I've struggled to have a relationship with Mary.

That was until Mary quite literally nudged her way into my life a little over a year ago.

I had been praying for a special intention that I hold very close to my heart for some time, but I felt like I had hit a stumbling block. I could only do so much by praying, and things weren't happening on the timeline that I wanted. Add in that I still felt like I was in the midst of that pesky spiritual dry spell, and I was getting frustrated... I wanted things to happen now.

There had been a few times during all of this prayer that I had felt a little nudge to pray a rosary for my intention or to talk to Mary about it, but I kept shrugging that feeling away.

What can Mary do to help me with this? How can I even begin to relate to her?

So I kept pushing her away.

On a night like any other, I found myself praying in the chapel. It was very late; the chapel was dark and quiet, and I was completely alone. I sat as I usually do when I'm alone in the chapel - on the floor, right in front of the tabernacle. I had just finished praying a novena for my intention, and was having a little beg session chat with the saint of my novena when it happened.

Mary snuck her way into my thoughts again.

Turn to me.

I pushed the thought aside as I always had before.

Ask me for help. Please.

I gave a mental exasperated sigh.* I closed my eyes, and cleared my mind.

(Source)

Fine. I give up. What do you want, Mary?

And at the exact moment when I decided to let Mary in, I no longer saw the darkness of my closed eyelids, but instead my vision was flooded with one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.

I could see Mary, as if I was watching her from above. She held my intention tightly in her arms, close to her heart. Her mantle was wrapped around it, to shield and protect it from all harm. Just as she once held her Son, she was holding my heartfelt prayer with all the love and care that a mother can give. Most importantly, she wasn't letting go.

It was in this moment that I began to cry.

This is why you've been bugging me for so long, I thought. You've been trying to show me, all along, that you're taking care of this.

And so, that night, and every night since, I've handed this intention that I carry with me over to Mama Mary. I see her hold it close to her heart, and I know that she will never let go, until the time is right for her to place it at the feet of her Son.

Recently, my spiritual director encouraged me to do a 54 day novena to Mary. As I set out on perhaps the most challenging spiritual quest I've ever taken on, I can't help but think that Mary is behind this, too. Always trying to nudge me into a deeper relationship with her, because she longs to bring me closer to her Son.

*In retrospect, I was so rude to Mary. I know. Again, I'm pretty sure she's forgiven me, because she loves me and we're pretty much like this now:

When we finally get to meet Mother Mary in Heaven, 
from Let Me Be Catholic Tumblr

Two Minute Penance

How To Cultivate A (Truly) Grateful Heart

Blessings in Disguise by Julie @ The Corner with a View

Can We Stop with the First World Problems? by Trista @ Not a Minx

Amanda @ Worthy of Agape
...and YOU! Join us on Facebook!

~*~

I'm not very good at being grateful.

I don't think I really realized this until Julie came up with this topic... but I can tell you that my spiritual director seems to have known this about me for a long time. How do I know that he knew this long before me?

My most common penance is "Spend two minutes thanking God for all the good things in your life."

Or something like that.

It's not as easy as it sounds.

It usually goes a little something like this...

Thank you God for the gift of your only son, for his sacrifice on the cross, for the gift of the Eucharist... thank you for my family who supports me, and good friends... thank you for providing me with a job that I enjoy, and a roof over my head, and food to fill my belly...

And then after about 30 seconds of that, I'm stuck with another 1 minute and 30 seconds of things like this...

Thank you God for air conditioning (recited when this takes place in the summer)...

Thank you God for air conditioning (recited when this takes place in the spring)...

Thank you God for air conditioning (recited when this takes place in the fall)...

Thank you God for my fan (recited when this takes place in the winter and the air conditioning is switched off in my building but it's still too darn hot)...

I think you get the idea?

The moral of the story is, I'm not very good at being grateful. So what on earth am I supposed to write about for this month's topic?!

I think I came up with a solution, and that solution is this: I'm not going to tell you how to cultivate a (truly) grateful heart, because I don't know the answer. I wish I did, but I can't lie to you.

What I am going to write about is this: a grateful heart is not something you are born with. It is not something that you discover one day, and then have the rest of your life. It is something that you must work to cultivate on a daily basis... and most days, I fail. But some days... some days I manage to be truly grateful... or more likely, God gives me some extra grace to be able to have a truly grateful heart, just for a moment. And I am truly grateful for these moments. One of these instances happened a few weeks ago.

I'm going through a rough time right now, and instead of focusing on all the good things happening in my life, I tend to dwell on all the things that are not right, and wonder if the things I had hoped for and thought were supposed to happen are ever going to happen. It's hard for the truly grateful heart to break through this fog.

This is where my mind and heart were as I was walking to my car from a friend's house late one night. It was one of the first nights where it was actually cold in DC, so much so that I put on my gloves for the first time this winter, keeping my hands warm as I carried a box of leftover pizza to my car. I was crossing the street when I heard a rustle, and saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see a homeless man, arranging his cardboard boxes and thin blanket to make his bed underneath a tree. He climbed in, snuggled down under his one blanket, and laid there quietly. I thought about stopping to see if he wanted my leftover pizza; but I decided to continue walking to my car as I was alone on a dark street late at night. Yet there was something that really struck me about this man. Though probably cold and hungry, he looked at peace wrapped up in his blanket and cardboard boxes. This man didn't have much, but he seemed to be truly grateful for the things he did have.

I got into my car, turned on the heat, and drove past the man sleeping under a tree. And then that grace from God hit me out of nowhere:

I am truly blessed.

I had spent that evening, and most of the past days, lost in my own world. I was blind to the suffering of others, because all I could think about was my own. But in that moment, God reminded me how blessed I am.

I am blessed because I have a warm car, and a home to drive home to. I am blessed to have leftover pizza, and gloves to warm my hands in the cold. And yes, I am even blessed in my sufferings, because while my suffering means that I may have lost something truly good, it also means that I am blessed to have experienced something good in the first place. My suffering is evidence of true vulnerability for perhaps the first time in my life, evidence of my faith in God and my faith in others and even a little bit of faith in myself. My suffering - though I wish with all my heart I didn't have to experience - is evidence of truly living.

In that brief moment, I had a truly grateful heart.

It didn't last longer than that night, at least that specific moment. But it's these fleeting moments of God shining a light on the blessings we have - the good and the bad - that help us to cultivate a truly grateful heart throughout our lives.

Maybe I won't figure it out tomorrow, or next week, or the next year, but as I just spent more than two minutes thinking about and writing this post, I do know that the next time I receive the "Spend two minutes thanking God for all the things!" penance from my priest, I won't have to "fill time" thanking God for my air conditioning. As I always should, I will spend that time thanking Him for all the good and the bad, the joy and the hurt, the laughter and the tears, because experiencing all of these things means that I am trying to truly experience love and life... and for that, I am truly grateful.

Anything but Marriage? (Not Alone Series: Discernment)

Not Alone Series: Discernment

Late to the game, as usual. But I get there, so that counts, right? I missed the "Getting to Know You" portion of this all, so I'll be quick.

I'm Liesl. No longer 16 going on 17. You can read all about me, if you wish. I also like chocolate, sarcasm, and chocolate covered sarcasm. In that order.

Oh, and you should probably know that I really dislike being single - more than when all the chocolate is gone - and I'm also really really terrible at being single, so of course, I love to write about it.

Onward!

Discernment. Way to start us off with a light and easy topic... I'll try to keep it as hot and heavy as possible.

(Although I really think that I'm the last person in the entire world who should be writing about any kind of discernment. If there's one thing I've learned from my spiritual life the past two years, it's that I am completely terrible at discerning God's will. Like fail-tacular. I will pray about something a lot for a long time, do the whole "Thy will be done!" thing, sense that my prayer and certain signs are leading me in a certain direction, jump in wholeheartedly because I'm following God's will, y'all!, and then...

CRASH AND BURN!

To be fair, I haven't completely given up on the latest excursions into God's will-land... but all of that is a not-yet-completed-story for a yet-to-be-determined time.)


Did I just go off on a tangent? That tends to happen. Ever so sorry.

So, discerning my vocation. I suppose it really all started a few years ago, when I began to meet regularly with my spiritual director.

There's one thing you need to know. My spiritual director loves vocations... especially religious vocations. Are you a man? He will ask you every day of your life if you've thought about being a priest. Are you a lady? He may not ask you every day of your life, but he will ask... a lot.

And that was the first time I encountered the "Liesl, have you ever thought about being a nun?" question.

I laughed. Really really hard.

Me?! A nun?! Are you serious?!

When I realized he was serious, I got a little bit defensive.

But I've always wanted to get married and be a mother. Always.

His response: Yea, I always wanted to get married, and see where that got me? It's not a sacrifice if you give up something you don't want.

That's when I pulled out the big guns.

What, so I'm not good enough for a man? I haven't found a guy yet so I should just give up on marriage and run for the religious life?

He assured me that's not what he meant, but he let it go. For then.

After I left that spiritual direction session, I couldn't help but thinking about what he said, and laughing some more. I mean, I'm pretty sure that if I were a nun, I'd be like Maria...

Oh, I'm supposed to be at morning prayer right now? Whoops...

I also have confidence in rain, that spring will come again, and in my complete inability to heel click.

Along with impatience, laziness, sarcasm, mimicking British accents, et al, etc, la dee dah!

You get the idea?

I later told a couple of my very Catholic friends that my priest had dared to suggest that I think about the religious life. I asked them, Me as a nun?! Can you see that at all?

They all said, "Well, yea..."

That shut me up right quick.

After a little bit of thought and a lot of singing The Sound of Music in my head, I realized that I had always assumed that I would get married because that's what I wanted, but I had never really discerned what God wanted for me. I realized that whatever God was calling me to do would make me as happy as I could possibly be here on earth. Why would He call me to something that wouldn't bring me the happiness He created me for?

So I decided I was going to be open to it, whatever "it" was. I kind of informed my spiritual director that I wasn't going to actively pursue any particular vocation for a bit, but I was going to open my heart to be open to any vocation - marriage, single life, or religious life - and let my prayer be that God would place the desire in my heart for what He wanted for me. And for many months, my prayer wholeheartedly became, Thy will be done.

During this time, I met lots of people. Guys. Gals. Married people. Single people. Priests. And nuns. We had some nuns come by our Newman Center every couple of weeks to go to lunch, lead discussions, and just generally hang out. They were young. They were hip. And they were joyful.

I mean, they smiled ALL THE TIME! If they weren't smiling, it was because they were laughing! Which was also a lot! I quickly realized that I enjoyed being around them because they were so happy!

It also didn't take me long to realize that I felt no inclination towards their life. I loved their joy, but I didn't see their joy as someday being my joy. I prayed about it a lot, and asked God to please place a desire for their joy in my heart, if that's where He wanted me to go. But that desire never came, and it still hasn't.

Wuv! Twue wuv!

My prayer during this time especially drew me closer to God, but it also drew me closer to that desire for a husband and children.

Have I had any profound visions of my wedding day during my prayer? No, but God knows that would just be waaaaay too easy for me (right, God? I mean, I could take easy right now...).

Have I met that special man who will someday wait for me at the altar? I don't really know, but if we have met, we definitely haven't fully realized that we've been placed in each others' lives for the very specific purpose of marriage.

Since that time when I was really-super-duper-whatever-you-want-God! open to any vocation, I've had a few moments of very clear consolation towards marriage. You know, no fireworks or neon signs (boy, would that be nice...), but deep senses of peace that could only be from God. And, well, confirmation from my spiritual director, of course.

Like that time where I went on a 5 day silent retreat that was... well, let's just say, quite an experience for me... and my spiritual director and I agreed that we still haven't figured out what God wants for me but we could definitely cross "cloistered nun" off the list.

Or like another time when I very casually mentioned to my spiritual director that I didn't really feel any calling to the religious life, and his response surprised me quite a bit. His words:

Oh, yea, I agree... with your sense of humor, you couldn't be called to anything but marriage.

Um, thanks Father? I'm going to take that as a compliment... and as another little sign among many that I'm discerning the correct-ish vocational path.

So I continue to discern, and I continue to wait - very impatiently, because that's how I roll - and sometimes, I even continue to try to pray "Thy will be done" even when spiritual dry spells or heartbreak stand in my way. I may not be very good at placing complete trust in God, but I know deep down that He won't let me stray too far from the happiness He has planned for me.

The Beholder

This post was originally published on June 17, 2012 as a guest post for Christina's You are Beautiful series.

~*~

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought that it meant that beauty was relative.  You know, how some people think the sunrise is one of the most beautiful things in the world, whereas I hold the belief that something that happens that early in the morning can only have so much beauty.

Other things that aren't too beautiful in the morning include my unkempt hair and sleepy eyes.

The trap we fall into with relativism though is that it leads us to believe that lies are the truth - yes, even with beauty! I can't count the number of times I've heard over the years, "You look pretty!" or "That dress looks beautiful on you!" but I can tell you that there have only been a few times I've heard the words we all long to hear: "You are beautiful." 

Yet, when I started thinking about the theme for this post and the above adage popped into my head, another thought came to light that made it all start to make sense in a way I'd never realized before.  What was the thought that entered my mind with this saying, you ask?

What if I think of God as The Beholder?

Beauty is in the eye of The Beholder.

It doesn't change much, but it changes everything.

The sunrise is beautiful, because God made it. My morning unkempt hair and sleepy eyes are beautiful, because God made them. I am beautiful, because God made me. You and I, though, we hold a different kind of beauty than the sunrise because our beauty comes directly from God, who is Beauty.

Then God said: Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness... God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them... God looked at everything he had made, and found it very good. (Gen. 1: 26-27, 31)

The sunrise was created by God, but only us human beings were created by God in His likeness. We were not just created beautifully, but we were created to be beauty.

Just like everything else in the world, the fall into original sin skewed our perception of beauty. We forget that our very creation is beauty. We forget that because we were created by God, we are beautiful. We forget that in God's eyes, we are beautiful.

So, what can we do when we forget that God sees as beautiful? Imagine God singing something like this to you:

We'll ignore the fact that these kids are about 12 years old for now and just enjoy being told we're beautiful.

Oh, wait. My bad. God already has written us a song or two:

Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
ah, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves! (Song of Songs 1:15)

You are all-beautiful, my beloved,
and there is no blemish in you. (Song 4:7)

You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one bead of your necklace.
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride,
how much more delightful is your love than wine. (Song 4:9-10)

How beautiful you are, how pleasing, my love, my delight! (Song 7:7)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just don't forget that God is the only Beholder that matters. Remember that in His eyes, you are loved and you are beautiful.

The Look

Peter's Denial by Carl Bloch

After arresting him they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest; Peter was following at a distance. They lit a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat around it, and Peter sat down with them. When a maid saw him seated in the light, she looked intently at him and said, “This man too was with him.” But he denied it saying, “Woman, I do not know him.” A short while later someone else saw him and said, “You too are one of them”; but Peter answered, “My friend, I am not.” About an hour later, still another insisted, “Assuredly, this man too was with him, for he also is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “My friend, I do not know what you are talking about.” Just as he was saying this, the cock crowed, and the Lord turned and looked at Peter; and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” He went out and began to weep bitterly. (Luke 22: 54-62)

How did Jesus look at Peter? What was on his face that made Peter realize that he had denied Christ? What did Jesus' expression say that made Peter go out and weep bitterly?

Jesus could have looked at Peter with a smug face that said, "I told you so!"

He could have looked at Peter with anger. "How could you deny me, after everything I've taught you, everything I've done for you!?!?"

Christ could have looked at Peter with hurt and sadness, where his eyes said it all: "All I ever asked from you was to follow me, and you can't even do that when I need you the most..."

Jesus could have looked at Peter in any of those ways, and I'm sure any of these would have made Peter shed some tears.

But these looks don't belong on the face of Jesus that Peter knew, that we all know.

I think Jesus looked at Peter with love. His eyes said, "I forgive you. I am with you to the end. I still love you, no matter what you do."

And that kind of expression - that look of love, even when we feel unworthy of being loved - is what made Peter weep.

Wouldn't you?

We found Love in a hopeless place...

Offer It Up

The Bright Maidens are back to Live Lent!

Welcome back ladies, we've missed writing with you!

Our Heavenly Father... longs  to convince us of his passionate love for each one of us, that relentless mercy which calls - and enables - us to share his own divine life, that fiery outpouring of love... Let's face it, we humans really don't want God to love us that much. It's simply too demanding. Obedience is one thing, but this sort of love clearly calls for more than keeping commandments. It calls for nothing less than total self-donation. That might not be a difficult job for the three infinite Persons of the Trinity, but for creatures like us, such love is a summons to martyrdom. This invitation requires much more suffering and self-denial than simply giving up chocolate for Lent. It demands nothing less than a constant dying to self.

-Scott Hahn, A Father Who Keeps His Promises, page 18

When I was "growing up" (as in, through college!), I never really took the "Give up something for Lent" thing very seriously.

That wasn't completely honest. I never really took Lent seriously.

That wasn't completely honest either. I never really took the whole "Living the Catholic Faith" thing seriously.

Anyway, I thought Lent was just another part of the Church year where you just chug-chug-chugged along until you got to wear your brand new dress at Easter.

I would sometimes "give up" something for Lent, but I hardly ever stuck to it. Or if I did, I found ways to master my way around it.

Like that time I gave up dessert... I started eating my cake before dinner. Appetizers, anyone? I get points for creativity, right?

Christ of St. John of the Cross
by Salvador Dali

Thankfully, I've grown to learn that Lent is not just another part of the Church year. It is the Church year.

It is through Lent that we truly live out the Christian life. Suffering and sacrifice and wandering in the spiritual desert with Christ? Yes. We are all called to walk the way of the Cross.

But like at the end of Lent, we are also told that through our suffering and sacrifice and spiritual dryness, we will encounter joy and love through the Cross and ultimately with the Resurrection.

We aren't called to just chug through Lent for 40 days. We are called to live it... each and every day. Yes, the entire year!

Since I started taking Lent - and, well, this whole living Catholic thing - seriously, sacrifice and suffering for me has been focused on giving up attachments that are in some way keeping me from giving a complete gift of self to God and others. It's about giving up things that distract me and get in the way of being who I am called to be.

Here's my Lenten routine...

Give up chocolate. Chocolate and I have a very... special relationship. 

... and that's putting it mildly! All I can say is, Bless the poor souls who get to put up with me when I go all cold turkey without my chocolate.

Chocolate is an addiction for me. I crave it. I need it. I have torn apart my kitchen looking for it before. I don't know what it is, but there are times that it controls me. And after I give into the craving, I always feel a little bit sad, because I didn't have the self-control to say no!

So by giving it up for Lent, I am working on my self-control, which Lord knows is something I need... desperately. And not just with chocolate.

Give up the drinks. I love milk. I enjoy juice. I like a beer every now and then. I hate water. Hate it. It's so... boring! Seriously, something that is that good for you should at least have a taste!

So, for Lent I'm giving up all drinks except for water (and I make an exception for milk on my cereal... girl needs her multi-grain Cheerios, mkay?!). 

In addition to giving up chocolate, only drinking water helps me put some focus on not just my spiritual health, but also my physical health. My body is a temple for the Holy Spirit! After I receive the Eucharist, I am physically carrying Christ to the world! I know that I sometimes put so much effort into my spiritual workout that I just put my body to the side, but I have to remember that this body is a gift from God, and needs nurtured just like everything else.

Listen only to Christian music. I wrote about how I love my little musical guilty pleasures. I actually don't really find anything wrong with non-Christian music, but I do find something wrong with how I let it affect me sometimes.

I love love love music and how it speaks to me, but there are times when my guilty pleasures feed into my state of life - I'm talking loneliness, impatience, and lack of trust. Listening to a lot of this music (ahem, maybe mostly TSwizzle Diggity Dawg) brings all of these emotions to the forefront - even when I was feeling perfectly fine before! - and just lets that longing for wanting to be loved and cared for by another surface and bubble over. And this is when the emotional chastity goes out the door and the pity party begins.

By listening only to Christian music (or music that reminds me of God), it helps me shift that desire for another to my longing for The Other, as in God. It leads my heart and mind to be more focused in prayer, and I have to say that of all the things I've ever sacrificed, this has been the most fruitful for me in building a stronger spiritual life. It also reminds me why I struggle so much with loneliness, impatience, and lack of trust - because the desire I have for loving another is a good thing! But it also reminds me that I have to have patience, which again, Lord knows I need!

~*~

Some of you might be thinking, "Uh Liesl, did you not read your own book excerpt that you put at the beginning? Lent is more than just giving up chocolate!" And you would be right!

So, what do we do with all these little sufferings and sacrifices? OFFER IT UP! 

This is a concept that evaded me until a couple of years ago, but think about it... What did Christ do? Whine that he had to die on the Cross? H--- to the NO!

He offered it up for each and every one of us, in atonement for our sins. We are invited to join with his sacrifice by offering up our sacrificial splinters to be a part of his cross.

I offer up each of my sacrifices and sufferings for something very close to my heart, each and every time. But you can offer it up for anyone or anything you want - just don't waste your suffering! 

... Even if you are just suffering over not being able to chomp on a piece of chocolate!

We Found Love

Do you ever listen to a song on pop radio and just instantly think, "This song is totally talking about my man, Jesus!"

Nope? Just me?

Well, I know this song is actually about drugs and sex and unhealthy relationships, but from pretty much the first time I heard it, all I could picture in my mind was Jesus on the cross.

The more I've listened to it, the more and more I picture the whole song talking about the life of Christ, and how we are just searching and yearning for his love.

So, what follows is as close as I can get to show you all what I picture in my mind when I listen to this song, which - crazy as it seems - I use to pray.

We Found Love

Yellow diamonds in the light

(Matthew 2:1-12)
Source 

Now we’re standing side by side, 
As your shadow crosses mine

(Mark 5:21-43, Luke 8:40-56, Matthew 9:18-26)
Source 

What it takes to come alive

(John 11:1-46)
The Raising of Lazarus by George Cattermole

~*~

Shine a light through an open door

(John 1:4-9, John 8:12)

Love a life I will divide

(John 6, Matthew 26:17-30, Mark 14:12-26,
Luke 22:7-39, John 13:1-17:26)
Source 

Turn away 'cause I need you more

(Romans 6-8)
Source

Feel the heartbeat in my mind

(John 1:14, Luke 24:32)
Sacred Heart of Jesus

It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny

(Matthew 12:22-33, Mark 6:45-52, John 6:16-21)
Peter Walks on Water by Philip Otto Runge (1806)

But I’ve gotta let it go

(John 20:20-23 and more)
Source

We found Love in a hopeless place, 
We found Love in a hopeless place, 
We found Love in a hopeless place, 
We found Love in a hopeless place...

(Matthew 27:33-56, Mark 15:22-41, Luke 23:33-49, John 19:16-37)

Christ of St. John of the Cross by Salvador Dali

**I've been working on this post for awhile to find all the right images, and now in light of the school shootings that happened last week, it seems even more fitting. Despite how tragic our world can be, we have to always remember that there is no tragedy where we cannot still find Love, there is no place that is completely hopeless because God is always there in our suffering. May those who suffer and cry out for hope feel God's presence, and may we all come to know and  experience Christ's undying love that he has shown to each of  us on the Cross.**

*Being* Single (Being Single Series)

Some thoughts about being single from people who say things much better than me.

On the desire for marriage and the single person's fear of heartbreak and loneliness...

"The good thing is that our Father in Heaven, in Christ Jesus, shows us this great example through Christ about this suffering and how we need to embrace that suffering of maybe loneliness or the fear, but if we embrace it with Christ, He promises us resurrection, He promises us that fulfillment of those desires. The desire that we have in our hearts for unity and for love, He placed there! And so what kind of a Father would give us a desire that wouldn't fulfill it, and He wants to fill it abundantly and we have to trust that faith and we have to believe that our Father in Heaven desires that more than anything else, even more than we desire it. And so I guess it's a matter of the very foundation of putting that faith and trust in God and going with our Lord and place that petition before our Lord, and He will hear it and He will answer that prayer."

(Jason Angelette, on Catholic Answers Live, ~9:50 into the show)

On being worried...

"I am not at all worried about the future. I am sure God will do his will; it is the only grace I desire."

(St. Therese of Lisieux)

On the ache of singlehood...

God is the only one who can satisfy your heart. Another person doesn't complete you, only Jesus Christ can complete you! Place your trust in God, not in people. People disappoint, but God never does. 

Marriage is not going to fix you. The healthier you can be as a single person in your faith and in yourself, the better foundation that's going to be for your marriage.  Marriage isn't there to make you happy, it's there to make you holy! 

The more intimate your relationship with God, the less you will feel that ache for another person. The perfect man for you can't even hold a candle to God and His love for you. He fills that desire in our hearts.

(Jackie Francois)

On our desire for God...

O God, you are my God—
it is you I seek!
For you my body yearns;
for you my soul thirsts,
In a land parched, lifeless,
and without water.
I look to you in the sanctuary
to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life;
my lips shall ever praise you!
I will bless you as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands, calling on your name.
My soul shall be sated as with choice food,
with joyous lips my mouth shall praise you!
I think of you upon my bed,
I remember you through the watches of the night
You indeed are my savior,
and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy.
My soul clings fast to you;
your right hand upholds me.

(Psalm 63:2-9)

On the invitation...

In the hidden recesses of the human heart the grace of a vocation takes the form of a dialogue. It is a dialogue between Christ and an individual, in which a personal invitation is given. Christ calls the person by name and says: "Come, follow me." This call, this mysterious inner voice of Christ, is heard most clearly in silence and prayer. Its acceptance is an act of faith.

(Blessed John Paul II, Homily, February 10, 1986) 

Do you have any quotations or reflections on being single you'd like to share?

*If you'd like to contribute a guest post to the Being Single Series, e-mail me at spiritualworkoutblog @ gmail.com*

This One's for the Boys (Being Single Series)

Ah, being single. There are so many fun things that go along with being single. Having no one to witness you eating an entire package of Oreos, for one. Oh, sure, we get the loneliness and seem to be extra super de duper vulnerable to the "He Likes Me!?, He Likes Me Not???" moments, but no big deal, right?

You know what I’m talking about. The Taylor Swift-esque “ohmygoodness he just winked at me *squeeeeeeeee*” moment that changes everything, and makes you wonder if he’s starting to see you as more than a friend. Then right when you decide that yes, yes he does see you as more than a friend and you pour out your wee little heart, you get the great big stamp of rejection. Oh so fun.

Fortunately for us single ladies, people do still date and get married, so rejection doesn’t happen all the time (right?!). So, the question is – when is he trying to show he’s interested in you and when is he just trying to be your friend? Guys, how can we tell what you mean? Us ladies tend to analyze everything, so could you just be a bit more clear?

I came across this gem this weekend, and not only did it make me laugh, but I found most of his tips from one guy to another to be pretty spot on.

So, while I typically write towards the ladies, this post is more for the lads. I thought you might be interested in having one gal's perspective on these ten tips. I don't write for all the single ladies, but I think many of us would generally have similar ideas about these tips.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts, though, guys and gals. What do you think of these tips? Any that you would add? How do you handle the “What is our ______-ship status” dance?

Just so you know, medium
salsa is spicy to me!

#10 - Find Out What She Likes - While I would find it sweet if you were willing to go see Twilight with me, I actually would prefer that you didn't! That being said, when I am getting to know someone, I love hearing what your interests are. Lads who are so passionate about something that they get visibly excited when telling me about said passion are medium salsa spicy to very attractive.

So, on the flip side, a lad taking the time to learn what I'm passionate about, and then taking even more time to be interested in at least hearing about what I love? That makes me feel pretty special. Even better, try out some of these things with me! This gal’s main love language (I feel lame… “love language” sounds so 1960s or something) is quality time, so if you’re willing to spend some quality time with me doing the things that I love or you love, I’m inevitably going to take an interest in you.

#9 - Encourage Her - This cannot be stressed enough! Everyone has confidence issues from time to time, and that’s why it is so important to build me up, not tear me down. Yes, I can take jokes all day and will most likely dish it back to you, but if that’s all you do, without any words of encouragement, you can bet that it will get old fast. I know that I will especially notice if a guy is encouraging to me during a time when I’m down or lacking confidence. Making me feel that who I am and what I do is of value to you or others is a sure-fire way to show some interest in me.

#8 - Compliment Her - I’m going to let you in on a secret, lads. Ladies tend to do things to impress you or gain your notice. Whether it’s making a witty comment that I know will make you laugh or wearing a shirt I know that you like, I’m guilty of this too. So when you take notice and compliment me, I notice that you noticed. Make sense?

Honestly, a compliment goes a long way. It shows me that not only do you appreciate something about me, but that you are also comfortable enough to let me know that you like how my shirt brings out my eyes or you love the brownies I baked. And the more you compliment me, the more likely I am to feel comfortable complimenting you. And guys love compliments too, right?

She's talking to me, we're besties.
Don't let "HIM!!!" be you!

#7 - Get to Know Her Family and Friends - I know that this can be tough since my family doesn’t live near me, but showing an interest in my family and friends shows that you are interested in hearing about the important people in my life. Ask how my weekend at home was with my family or about the fun plans I have with my friends that weekend. Better yet, remember the names of my sisters, other family members, or friends. Hearing that you remember that I’m hanging out with my friend Bon Qui Qui this weekend makes me realize that you were truly listening when I gave the play-by-play of my weekend plans with her earlier.

#6 - Support Your Local Chivalry - Contrary to popular belief, chivalry is not dead! Chivalry is a bit more about opening the door for a lady, though. It’s about the intention behind what you are doing - it's truly about having a servant's heart. Loving another is all about serving and putting another person’s needs above your own. “Acts of service” is another one of those fun lurve languages that I happen to like. It doesn’t have to be something huge, it's the little things that make a big difference, as long as you have the right intention. Hold the door for me. Walk me to my car. Help me put on my coat. Pay for my dinner... or ice cream... or both! When all else fails, ask: "Hey is there anything I can do to make your life as lovely as you are?" My answer: “Always, and yes, yes please.”

#5 - Don't Post Cell Phone Mirror Self Portraits on Facebook - Does anyone actually do this anymore? If you do, just stop now, and please don't ever ever ever do this again.

#4 - Don't Lay it on Too Thick - I have to disagree a bit with him here. Sure, don't be a creeper. Nobody likes a creeper. At the same time, though, it's ok to show that you are taking an interest in me, especially if you are showing that you are thinking about me when I’m not around! Text me when you see something that reminds you of me! Post a funny video to my Facebook if it made you think of the conversation we had earlier that day! Invite me to go try that new burger place you passed on your way home because you know I enjoy a good burger! Just don’t be over the top – if you find yourself wanting to lay it on thick all the time, then you should probably go read the message to the lads who are interested at the bottom.

Totally not kidding. You think I'm
kidding about not kidding, but I'm not.

#3 - Keep Your Hands to Yourself! - I'm not going to lie. I was at first offended by being compared to a candy bar. Then I realized how I get when I just HAVE TO HAVE CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW. It's like a destructive frenzy and bless the poor souls who get in my way. Old lady in the grocery store? Who cares. I need my chocolate NOW. So when he said to remember that you always want more candy bars (except with Oreos, of course), I can relate to the difficulty of putting on the brakes. Sure, I enjoy polishing off an entire package of Oreos in 15 minutes just like the next person, but when I spread out the Oreo love over a longer period of time, I value my Oreos a lot more.

Of course, I think that this is an over-simplified version of what men (and women!) tend to go through, but I think he makes some good points. One of the best ways to show me that you’re interested – and to get me to like you in return – is to respect me – including my beliefs, my needs, and my comfort level. I know that I work hard to practice the virtue of self-control, and I can’t even begin to explain how attractive it is to me when a lad exhibits self-control as well.

All of this being said, you also don’t have to be all middle-school-dance style. As my secondary love language (again, weird) is touch, you initiating respectful physical contact, like a hug or a little brush of the arm or the hand, shows me that you’re interested in more than friendship. However, respect that I place a lot of value on certain things that are reserved for the dating stage and other things that are reserved for the marriage stage, and respect that it’s important to me to only share these valuables with someone I treasure equally as much.

#2 - Make Her Feel Safe - I think this is the tip that resonated the most with me, oddly enough. In those first stages of spending more time together, one of my first thoughts is, “I feel safe and comfortable with this person.” If I don’t/can’t trust you, I won’t feel safe being me with you and therefore sharing who I am with you. I think the best way to make me feel safe is to follow #1.

#1 - Be Her Best Friend - I feel safe with someone that I trust completely, and people that I trust are those who have taken the time to get to know me and have become a close friend. All that talk about “the friend zone” with the lads just irks me, because why would you want to waste your time with someone you don't like spending time with? Strong and lasting relationships are built on strong friendships – trust, respect, and, for me, lots of laughter! The easiest way to be my best friend? Conversation. If I can sit and have a great conversation with you before realizing that hours have passed, then chances are I trust you, and possibly have maybe even considered the thought of letting you be more than my best friend.

So here’s what it comes down to, for me and for many other single ladies that I know.

Guys, if you read only one thing in all of this post, it should be these messages to YOU. 

Here, have a beer to get you through.

Take your pick!

To the Lads who aren't interested:

Yes, keeping chivalry alive and respecting and appreciating the lasses in your life is important... but don't take it too far. To put it bluntly, being led on by a guy absolutely sucks. Doing all of these things without having any interest in me whatsoever is leading me on, and leads to rejection. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but for a girl who thinks she is being wooed - to have that suddenly ripped out from under her feet - it hurts. It’s important that you aren’t lying with your actions. Saying, “You’re a great friend!” isn’t going to cut it – your actions have to mimic your words and vice versa. So please, be gentle with our hearts. Respect and care for us, but know where the line is.

To the Lads who are interested:

Trying out the top ten things goes a long way to showing me that you care, that you appreciate me, that you respect me, that you are interested in me. But speaking from personal experience and the experiences of so many others, I’ve been hurt by men who have done many of these things without having an interest in anything other than friendship. Each time this happens, unfortunately, I start building a wall up around my heart in an attempt to keep from getting hurt again. And, if you are showing your interest in me by doing all the above things, as much as I want to think that everything you do is because you're interested, it can be difficult to tear down the wall because I’m afraid of falling for the same lies again. This leads me to the #1 tip that isn't on this list but that you need to know…

USE YOUR WORDS.

Actions can say a lot, but actually saying, "Hey, I'd like to take you out on a date on Saturday night." or even "Hey, I like you as more than a friend. How would you feel about us dating?" means so much more. If you’ve taken the time with #1 above, I am going to trust what you say. I can't question words as easily as I can wonder about your actions. Obviously, timing is everything. Take the necessary time to get to know me and show how you care, but don’t putz around either. Otherwise, I’m going to start to think that your actions are meaningless.

Nerves getting the best of you? Don’t let them. If you’ve taken the time to get to know me and become my friend, all while going above and beyond to show your interest in me, then chances are that I’ve almost 100% definitely wondered about your intentions and thought about wanting to be just more than your friend, too. After all, this video was all about 10 ways to get a girl to like you. It maybe sorta kinda works.

Just remember, nothing says "I care about you," like actually saying, "I care about you."

You could also just send me this in an email.
That was a joke. Please don't do that.
Unless you've already told me, then go right ahead. I might laugh. Maybe.

Being Single Series!

I wrote recently about how being single is a choice. No, it's not a choice that I make because it's oh-so-fun, but it's a choice that I make because it's what is good for me. Knowing this though doesn't make being single any easier.

There is so much that I love about being single, and at the same time, there is so much that I hate about it.

Love: having time to myself (introvert alert!); being able to do what I want/need to do any time I want; not having to be bear the responsibility of taking care of anyone else; being able to come home from a long day at work and plop on the couch and watch whatever television show I want to watch (after growing up in a family of six, it's nice not to have to fight over the remote); being able to spend what I earn on the things I want/need; that feeling of independence of being able to take care of myself; being able to hold and cuddle other people's babies while still being able to hand them over to momma when they have a dirty diaper

Hate: having too much time to myself; the intense feelings of loneliness; coming home to a quiet, dark, and usually messy house; being responsible for everything (chores, bills, etc.); waking up from a nightmare and being alone; seeing others living their vocation to the fullest (and mostly happily); not being able to truly care for others like I feel called to do; longing for communion with others on a deeper level

I don't know if you noticed, but many things on the "Love" list are, well... selfish.  There's a lot of "I" and "myself" and "what I want" in my list of loves. Yet, I wasn't created to "not have to bear the responsibility of taking care of others" or "watch television whenever I want". I was created for union and communion - which requires an Other.

All of this leads me to the following conclusion:

I am absolutely terrible at being single.

There, I said it! Glad I got that off my chest.

Just like the many stages of grief and healing, knowing and accepting the fact that I am awful at being single is just the first step. It is one thing to say this, but it's an entirely separate thing to actively will this knowledge and make the changes I need to make to stop being absolutely terrible at being single!

I had a mini-revelation during a conversation with someone I had just recently met at a friend's wedding. We were talking about where we'd been in the past year in terms of discovering that "What's next?" phase of post-school life. He was talking about how he didn't really know what he wanted to do, and didn't really have a job, and wasn't sure where he would end up - but that none of this really worried him. He said that all he desired to do was to follow Christ, and so that's what he was doing - and he was confident that if he put following Jesus first, then everything else would fall into place.

It hit me when he said this that even though we were in a similar place in terms of discernment, he was completely further on the path than I was. He got the point of being on the path, while I was still stuck on trying to figure out the reason for it all. I realized that one of the reasons my single life has felt so stagnant is because I am not following Christ as much as I claim to be doing/want to do.

I have to use this time that I've been given to learn how to truly put God first in my life. I realized that I have to live this single vocation to the best of my ability, and until I can learn to be better at being single - and putting God first in my life - whatever God has planned for me won't happen because I won't be ready for it.

As much as being single can be a burden sometimes, I have to see the single years as a gift. At no other time in my life will I be able to say that I have no direct responsibility for the well-being of anyone else. This is actually a good thing, and is part of the purpose of the single years, because not having direct responsibility for others gives me time to grow closer in union and communion with the one Other that really matters - God!

That's what makes these years so crucial for learning how to put God first in my life. If marriage and a family are to come later on my path, I have to be ready to care for others, but I can only truly care for a husband and my children if I am able to love them through my love for God. To do this, I have to care for myself first by truly striving to follow Christ.

Like I said, it's one thing to realize and know all of this, but it's another thing to learn how to be good at being single. So, just as God built us for community, I've asked for a little help from my friends.

Over the next couple of months, I am going to have some amazing Catholic women guest posting on my blog with the theme of "Being Single"! 

*Applause applause!*

I will be chiming in on this topic as well, but this series is as much for me as it is for you - we are going to learn from each other's experiences on how to be good at being single.

We'll hear from women who are truly single - like me - and who may be discerning. We'll hear from women (and maybe even a lad!) who are single, but are discerning marriage by being in a committed relationship. We'll even hear from some ladies who have discerned marriage and are engaged.

Even though we are all coming from a different place in life, we will all share the fact that we are all trying to truly live the single vocation that God has called us to at this point in our lives. We will hear what these single ladies do to live out their single vocations, and also hear things that they wish they had done or could do better.

You can follow along with this series by checking in with the Being Single Series tag on my blog. Read each guest's input, reflect on what they say, and join me on the journey of living the single life to the fullest by growing closer to God.

All the Single Ladies

I'm single!

I don't say that to inform all the men out there that I'm available... (although, hey, I wouldn't complain! Call me, maybe!)

I say it because I want all the single ladies out there to know that I know what it feels like. I've been there, done that, and I'm still here, doing that.

Being single is not fun sometimes. Really not fun. At all. It's a unique cross to bear, what feels like a lonely cross to bear, and it only seems to get a little bit heavier each time another friend gets married or someone you know has a baby or another birthday passes you by.

But this post is also a reminder to all of us - especially me! - that our singleness is a choice. Yes, that's right. We are choosing to be single right now.

We could choose to let go of our morals and standards, and start running along with society's idea of love and marriage. We could choose to sleep around, get our hearts broken, and maybe even end up in a bad relationship or marriage. But we choose to be single and wait.

I don't know about you, but I choose to be single because I choose to wait for the man that loves me, for all the good in me and for all my flaws. I choose to wait for the man who loves my heart and my soul, and loves that I care about his soul too. I choose to wait for the man who will help lead me to Heaven.

I choose to wait for the man who will tell our daughters that they are the most beautiful girls in the world, and who will teach our sons how to be chaste and respectful to others. I choose to wait for the man who is proud to hold crying babies at Mass, and still sings along with the choir anyway.  I choose to wait for the man who will work hard to provide for the good of our family, even when it means coming home to a house of screaming kids and a cranky wife after a long day at work. I choose to wait for the man who willingly makes a lot of sacrifices for our family.

I choose to wait for the man who will tell me that I'm beautiful, hold me when I cry, make me laugh in the good times and the bad, forgive me when I do something wrong, and apologize when he's made a mistake. I choose to wait for the man who will pray for me everyday, and pray with me every day. I choose to wait for the man who will love me - freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully - from the day we say, "I do." until the day I die.

This is what I choose, as difficult as it is to wait sometimes. Because I know that in the end, who I choose to wait for is worth it.

What will you choose?

To Be a Saint

I came across a post I wrote last year called The Message of Love:

...I'm not talking about the sappy kind of love that pervades our culture today. I'm talking about real love, as in the "let us love one another, because love is of God" and "God is love" (1 John 4:7,16) kind of love. 

It all comes down to how we define love, which we read more about in St. Paul's letter to the Romans. Many non-Catholics (and unfortunately, even some Catholics!) would cite this passage as evidence that we no longer have to follow the ten commandments given to Moses by God, in the saying that we "owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law." (Romans 13:8) Adultery? Coveting? It's okay if I do these things as long as I do them because of love. 

Yet, what does Paul mean when he says to love one another? By whose standards should we love? My standards? Your standards? The standards followed by the president of the United States? No, we are commanded to love by God's standard. This means loving the entire person, where "love does no evil to the neighbor." (Romans 13:10)

Read the rest...

I find that we as Catholics have to constantly be reminding ourselves of what it means to Love, and what it requires of us to love by God's standards. No, it's not always easy, but we are all called to speak the Truth, especially in the current state of our society.

We have to remember that Catholics are so very blessed. We belong to the Church that Loves us, wholly and completely, and wants the best for us. We belong to the Church that wants us to get to Heaven. Sometimes, that means the Church has to say no to us. Even us Catholics don't always like it, but we have to remember that this message of the Church is always one of Love.

Recently, the Church, her leaders, her shepherds, including my priest, and her followers have come under attack for standing up for Truth and speaking out against things such as abortion, contraception, and gay marriage. In the past few weeks even, how many of us have been called intolerant and judgmental bigots, when all we are trying to do is Love the whole person? I found this quote from Peter Kreeft, and I pray that this is the message that we send to the world:

The Church is the best friend of homosexuals, both because she tells them they are made in God's image and have intrinsic dignity and rights and are called to be saints, and because she is the only social force left that insists on moral absolutes. So when they sin against themselves she says NO, just as she does to heterosexuals who sin against themselves sexually, but when others sin against them she says NO also. No one else dares to say NO. She speaks up for everyone, including homosexuals. Source

We are all sinners. Every single one of us. I'm a sinner! But, we are all worth it.

As my favorite Catholic radio host would say, "Be a Saint! What else is there?"

Christ died for each and every one of us, because we are all in need of a savior. He died for each of us because we are worth it. We are all called to spend eternity with Him in Heaven. The path to holiness is never easy, but it releases you from slavery when it is freely chosen. The Church Loves each and every one of us, for who we are in our entirety, and not by how society labels us. Yet, the Church also wants us to aspire to be the person we each were created to be. She is willing to lead us there - are you willing to accept that path?