Dealing with Rejection: Catholic Style! (Being Single Series)

It's basically my job to reject people.

Dream killing, it's what I do.

But getting rejected myself? Now that is not so fun.

Unfortunately, it's one of those annoying crosses of the single life to have to deal with rejection (after rejection after rejection etc. et al. la dee da). I don't have a lot of "official" dating experience, but I have been "officially" rejected more times than I would like to try counting.

Oreally?!
(P.S. I couldn't find a version of a guy saying this...
probably because this has been said by no guy ever.)

The good news is, I can always learn something new from these times of being rejected. God always wants us to get good out of suffering, right?

This post can be for the ladies who are dealing with break-ups, but it really is for those who have just been led on and/or rejected before it even got to the break-up stage. According to my spiritual director, ladies do more rejecting than men (which I've heard of never), so lads, go ahead and read these pointers if you're drowning your rejection in a tub of ice cream too.

For your benefit, I've compiled a succinct list of things that should help you if you ever get rejected, because I am pretty much an expert at it.

You're so welcome. My pain is your gain, ya?*

~*~

~ Don't write on your blog/Facebook about your rejection until you can laugh about it... it's always better to write with humor and a dash of sarcasm anyway.

~ Walk around muttering under your breath that men of this world should be more like Jesus, and Jesus would never reject you, obviously.

~ Read the Book of Job. His life was way worse. Then be thankful that your skin isn't covered in boils, because that is so unattractive.

"Oh, hey, I read Numbers all the time too!"

~ Learn to smile when he says, "You're a really great friend." And by smile, I mean think to yourself, "I hate that word."

~ Use all the free time you have now to practice those stellar Catholic pick-up lines. Always want to be prepared in case you catch the eye of a cutie two pews over at Mass.

~ Tell yourself that he's probably going to become a priest anyway... it will help you get over it faster, and Mary would be a better girlfriend for him. She has way more patience.

~ Realize that Taylor Swift songs can only be so cathartic. It doesn't matter if she was clearly thinking about your life when she wrote The Story of Us, you should probably only listen to her 10 times per day, no más.

I'm tracking how many times your watch this!

~ Pray to St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi that you can one day rebuild your friendship with him... and while you're storming heaven with your pleas, throw in one to St. Jude to help you out with this seemingly impossible cause.

~ Embrace the awkward. There's nothing you can do about it, but at least you can enjoy watching him do the awkward turtle squirm.

~ Yes, maybe your prayer led you to think that you were going to get married and have adorable babies, but no, God did not lead you on like the boy did. There's a point to all of this... probably.

No use crying over spilt... onions?

~ Get thee to a nunnery kitchen... because nothing helps you vent hurt and frustration with the male species quite like large kitchen knives and pounding on some cookie dough. I personally recommend chopping lots of onions. Lots 'n lots o' onions.

~ Go for a run in the rain. It makes your run a more dramatic interpretation of your present state of life... and it helps you sweat off the package of Oreos you ate last night.

~ Just say no to drugs hugs. That's probably part of what got you both into this mess in the first place. Don't even think about holding hands during the Our Father either.

~ Give thanks to God for destroying the illusion that Catholic men are perfect... before you had to find out the really hard way, whatever that is.

~ Realize that someone saying "No" to you now is so that you'll be available for the one who was made to say "Yes!" to you later on.

Do you have some fun tips? Add to the list!

*Disclaimer: This post was not written about or for any one particular person. Just a humorous interpretation of my experiences and observations.

P.S. I should also probably be clear that this post is written to be completely humorous, I do not hold any hurt or anger about any past rejections! Although, doing many of these things in a more serious fashion really did help me get over being rejected... especially cutting onions and running in the rain... and praying to the saints... and Taylor Swift... and so on. You get the idea.