Anything but Marriage? (Not Alone Series: Discernment)

Not Alone Series: Discernment

Late to the game, as usual. But I get there, so that counts, right? I missed the "Getting to Know You" portion of this all, so I'll be quick.

I'm Liesl. No longer 16 going on 17. You can read all about me, if you wish. I also like chocolate, sarcasm, and chocolate covered sarcasm. In that order.

Oh, and you should probably know that I really dislike being single - more than when all the chocolate is gone - and I'm also really really terrible at being single, so of course, I love to write about it.

Onward!

Discernment. Way to start us off with a light and easy topic... I'll try to keep it as hot and heavy as possible.

(Although I really think that I'm the last person in the entire world who should be writing about any kind of discernment. If there's one thing I've learned from my spiritual life the past two years, it's that I am completely terrible at discerning God's will. Like fail-tacular. I will pray about something a lot for a long time, do the whole "Thy will be done!" thing, sense that my prayer and certain signs are leading me in a certain direction, jump in wholeheartedly because I'm following God's will, y'all!, and then...

CRASH AND BURN!

To be fair, I haven't completely given up on the latest excursions into God's will-land... but all of that is a not-yet-completed-story for a yet-to-be-determined time.)


Did I just go off on a tangent? That tends to happen. Ever so sorry.

So, discerning my vocation. I suppose it really all started a few years ago, when I began to meet regularly with my spiritual director.

There's one thing you need to know. My spiritual director loves vocations... especially religious vocations. Are you a man? He will ask you every day of your life if you've thought about being a priest. Are you a lady? He may not ask you every day of your life, but he will ask... a lot.

And that was the first time I encountered the "Liesl, have you ever thought about being a nun?" question.

I laughed. Really really hard.

Me?! A nun?! Are you serious?!

When I realized he was serious, I got a little bit defensive.

But I've always wanted to get married and be a mother. Always.

His response: Yea, I always wanted to get married, and see where that got me? It's not a sacrifice if you give up something you don't want.

That's when I pulled out the big guns.

What, so I'm not good enough for a man? I haven't found a guy yet so I should just give up on marriage and run for the religious life?

He assured me that's not what he meant, but he let it go. For then.

After I left that spiritual direction session, I couldn't help but thinking about what he said, and laughing some more. I mean, I'm pretty sure that if I were a nun, I'd be like Maria...

Oh, I'm supposed to be at morning prayer right now? Whoops...

I also have confidence in rain, that spring will come again, and in my complete inability to heel click.

Along with impatience, laziness, sarcasm, mimicking British accents, et al, etc, la dee dah!

You get the idea?

I later told a couple of my very Catholic friends that my priest had dared to suggest that I think about the religious life. I asked them, Me as a nun?! Can you see that at all?

They all said, "Well, yea..."

That shut me up right quick.

After a little bit of thought and a lot of singing The Sound of Music in my head, I realized that I had always assumed that I would get married because that's what I wanted, but I had never really discerned what God wanted for me. I realized that whatever God was calling me to do would make me as happy as I could possibly be here on earth. Why would He call me to something that wouldn't bring me the happiness He created me for?

So I decided I was going to be open to it, whatever "it" was. I kind of informed my spiritual director that I wasn't going to actively pursue any particular vocation for a bit, but I was going to open my heart to be open to any vocation - marriage, single life, or religious life - and let my prayer be that God would place the desire in my heart for what He wanted for me. And for many months, my prayer wholeheartedly became, Thy will be done.

During this time, I met lots of people. Guys. Gals. Married people. Single people. Priests. And nuns. We had some nuns come by our Newman Center every couple of weeks to go to lunch, lead discussions, and just generally hang out. They were young. They were hip. And they were joyful.

I mean, they smiled ALL THE TIME! If they weren't smiling, it was because they were laughing! Which was also a lot! I quickly realized that I enjoyed being around them because they were so happy!

It also didn't take me long to realize that I felt no inclination towards their life. I loved their joy, but I didn't see their joy as someday being my joy. I prayed about it a lot, and asked God to please place a desire for their joy in my heart, if that's where He wanted me to go. But that desire never came, and it still hasn't.

Wuv! Twue wuv!

My prayer during this time especially drew me closer to God, but it also drew me closer to that desire for a husband and children.

Have I had any profound visions of my wedding day during my prayer? No, but God knows that would just be waaaaay too easy for me (right, God? I mean, I could take easy right now...).

Have I met that special man who will someday wait for me at the altar? I don't really know, but if we have met, we definitely haven't fully realized that we've been placed in each others' lives for the very specific purpose of marriage.

Since that time when I was really-super-duper-whatever-you-want-God! open to any vocation, I've had a few moments of very clear consolation towards marriage. You know, no fireworks or neon signs (boy, would that be nice...), but deep senses of peace that could only be from God. And, well, confirmation from my spiritual director, of course.

Like that time where I went on a 5 day silent retreat that was... well, let's just say, quite an experience for me... and my spiritual director and I agreed that we still haven't figured out what God wants for me but we could definitely cross "cloistered nun" off the list.

Or like another time when I very casually mentioned to my spiritual director that I didn't really feel any calling to the religious life, and his response surprised me quite a bit. His words:

Oh, yea, I agree... with your sense of humor, you couldn't be called to anything but marriage.

Um, thanks Father? I'm going to take that as a compliment... and as another little sign among many that I'm discerning the correct-ish vocational path.

So I continue to discern, and I continue to wait - very impatiently, because that's how I roll - and sometimes, I even continue to try to pray "Thy will be done" even when spiritual dry spells or heartbreak stand in my way. I may not be very good at placing complete trust in God, but I know deep down that He won't let me stray too far from the happiness He has planned for me.

Alright... Good Talk: My Experiences with Spiritual Direction (Guest Post by Christina!)

I've written about some of my experiences with spiritual direction before, but I've never really devoted an entire post to the topic. Perhaps I will someday, but until then I am very excited to welcome my first guest post by Christina!

~*~

Hi everybody! My name is Christina, and I blog next door at Reflections of a Catholic in Formation. Liesl asked me to write a post about my experiences with spiritual direction, and I will gladly do so over the next few paragraphs. On we go!

For anyone who is unfamiliar with the concept of spiritual direction and what it’s all about, let me give you the five cent definition. Spiritual direction is when a person meets with a priest/nun/monk/well-formed lay person to talk about their spiritual life. You’ll talk about how you’re praying, how often, what you struggle with, major themes you notice (or they might notice for you), and perhaps a plan for going forward from where you are. It has a great deal to do with self-awareness, but you’ll also be trying to listen for God’s voice or see His hand in your life. Additionally, they’re a fantastic help if you’re discerning your vocation, and that’s where my story starts.

I was away from the Church for most of my high school career, and reverted to the faith shortly before my freshman year of college began. I had a serious conversion of heart on a retreat that September, and threw myself wholeheartedly into the practice of my faith. I was on cloud nine for a while, going to daily Mass, weekly Adoration, and occasionally cutting my math class to have lunch with the missionaries on campus and two very wonderful religious sisters, and I naturally began to think about entering the religious life myself. However, what began as a passing thought quickly became a matter which consumed my prayer completely. After about three weeks of torturous grappling with it, I decided I had to speak to the university’s chaplain.

I went into his office and very nervously told him that I thought God was calling me to the religious life. I don’t recall what he said, but I do remember that he was much too calm for my comfort, seeming almost to take the news in stride as if I’d informed him of what lovely weather we were having. I was upset by his reaction and confused with what this would mean for me. Would I drop out of school to enter a convent? Would I still be called to the religious life if I finished my degree before pursuing it? The chaplain could see how upset I was, and took me into the chapel to talk. He reassured me that if I was actually being called to the religious life, this wasn’t a bad thing. It’s a beautiful vocation, and the women who are called to it live with extraordinary joy. If I wasn’t being called to religious life, that wasn’t a bad thing, either. Either way, he told me, I should stop trying to actively discern, since I was so new to the faith, and that I should remember that no matter what my vocation ended up being, whatever God called me to would be my happiness (this is one of his favorite things to say).

It was at that point that he recommended that I see him each moth for spiritual direction. Since then, he’s helped me work through some serious issues. When my parents, angered by the change in political views my religious orthodoxy had brought about, pulled me from the Newman Center’s World Youth Day trip and I thought they would force me to spend the next three years at UConn, I was in his office looking for guidance. When I was afraid to go home to my very lax Catholic family for the summer, where I would have none of the support I enjoyed at school, I was talking to him. When I thought once again that I might be called to the religious life, he was counseling me on what to do. When I experienced a sudden and painful spiritual dry spell during my sophomore year, he was helping me work through it. Even working through some very personal issues that affected my spiritual life, I went to the chaplain in spiritual direction.

Of course, I don’t want to give the impression that spiritual directors only help you deal with the tough stuff in your spiritual life. Liesl and I have the same spiritual director, and though he has a unique relationship with each of the people under his direction, he and I have a slightly weirder relationship than most. We make fun of each other a lot, we used to get into a few (lighthearted) physical tussles, and occasionally I will invade his office, take up one of his couches, and we’ll just laugh at the awkward non-sequitur of a situation. We laugh a lot, talk about sports, he’ll occasionally tease me for being a nerd like one of our more recent seminarians, and he’ll guide me through good or emotionally neutral time in my spiritual life, as well. He’ll recommend books I should read or new prayers I could say, either to expand my horizons or to correspond to what’s going on with my prayer life. He’s also my confessor, which helps him and me identify patterns and signs more easily because we see most of what’s going on together, rather than me knowing everything and forgetting to tell him something important or relevant.

Even as a young woman who hasn’t discerned her vocation and doesn’t have a degree yet, I can definitely say that spiritual direction is a tremendous help in my life. It allows me to reorient myself every so often, like a pilot making sure the plane is on course, except with heaven as my destination, it’s not so much about keeping on the only route that will get me there as determining which route God is calling me to take. I imagine that eventually, whether I move away for grad school or work or any other circumstance, I will need to find a new spiritual director. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence, and though I dislike the thought because I also think of mine as a quirky older brother figure, I’m more or less reconciled to the idea that it will happen. In any case, I thank God for my spiritual director and his wise guidance, as well as for allowing me to grow closer to Him through spiritual direction and its fruits.

If you would like to learn more about spiritual direction, you can visit Catholic Spiritual Direction, though you will have to sort through it a little bit, depending on your familiarity with the subject. If you want a spiritual director, ask around with anyone you know who has one. You can also ask any priests or other religious you know to guide you or point you in the right direction for a spiritual director. I hope I’ve helped you all out a little bit by telling the story of my experience with spiritual direction, and I want to thank Liesl for giving me the opportunity to do so. God bless, everyone!

Liesl and Christina met two years ago on the front porch steps of the GW Newman Center, Christina a young freshman and Liesl an old graduate student trying to be welcoming (and not scare people away). Thankfully, Christina kept coming back and the two became friends in real life! Christina is a junior at George Washington University, where she is studying history, how many times you can go to Mass in one day, and wrestling. If you want to contact her, you can find her practically living at the Newman Center during the school year, or you can also reach her through her blog or email at reflecting.catholic@gmail.com.

St. Joe, My Beau

Besties!

Today is my new favorite feast day, the Solemnity of St. Joseph.

Is it because St. Joseph was probably the holiest person to walk this earth after Jesus and Mary? Not really.

It's actually because St. Joseph is my new BFF.

Why, you ask, has St. Joe, my beau, become my latest new friend?

Because he is one of the greatest intercessors EVER. He's the bestest friend a gal could ask to have!

I'll have to back track a bit, but let me tell you our philia love story...

Once upon a time, not too long ago, in a land not too far from here, there was a young, 20-something Catholic trying to live life to the fullest...

I prayed my first novena ever a little over a year ago to the Holy Spirit. I was discerning a call to ministry, and prayed earnestly for some concrete answers. It became clear to me that I was not heading where God was calling me. Unfortunately, praying that novena was the last time I remember sensing God's presence and peace in my prayer life, and this is where I entered the dark desert of my spiritual dry spell.

My last post detailed that this last year has been rough, to say the least. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out "What's next?!" and have been down the "Nope, that's not it..." road more often than not. Pile months of unemployment and a major back injury on top of my massive spiritual dry spell and it's probably not difficult to understand why I've felt like a lost and wandering soul in the desert, without an oasis in sight, wondering where God was in all of this.

Source

Thankfully, I have a great prayer army that have kept showing me where the path is when I haven't been able to find it on my own.

One of these ways of trying to keep me on the path was my spiritual director urging me to keep praying novenas. I was willing to try anything, and the side effect of forcing me to pray for 9 days straight wasn't too bad for me either.

I started out by praying a Lenten novena for an end to the darkness. It just got darker.

Then I tried praying one to the Holy Spirit again for guidance. Imagine crickets chirping. I gave up for a few months.

Then when I hurt my back, I prayed one to St. Gemma Galgani. I still felt pretty alone in my suffering, even though I knew that Christ was carrying the Cross for me.

After 4-5 months of unemployment, I was getting desperate to find a job. I decided to pray a novena to St. Frances Xavier Cabrini, my confirmation saint. She's always got my back when I need to find a parking spot downtown,* so I hoped that she would be able to persuade God to send a job my way. But, again it just felt like I was reciting meaningless words to an empty void.

*Cabrini, Cabrini, don't be a meanie, find me a place to park my machinie!

I was ready to give up on the whole novena thing. Oh yeah... and I was ready to give up on the whole spiritual dry spell thing, too. My mental yelling at God: You want to keep me in the dark, God? Fine. I'll just do the bare minimum to get by! No, I wasn't angry/frustrated/fed up at all!

Sensing my desperation, my spiritual director urged me to give another novena a shot. He suggested a novena to St. Joseph as our last ditch effort for me to get a job. I'm not kidding when I say "last ditch" either. I was ready to pack up and move home. I begged my way through that novena, yet it still felt pretty empty and bleak. Was someone actually listening in Heaven? I finished that novena, not expecting much to happen.

A few days later, I had a job offer.

Granted, it was for an administrative assistant position for a property management company (i.e. not related to my field at all), but it was a JOB.

Thanks to my oh-so-great spiritual mood (see my mental yelling above), I half-heartedly thanked St. Joseph. I had a friend in Heaven, but I had a roadblock up to acknowledging that. Somehow, what he had done wasn't really enough to prove to me that he prayed on my behalf and God answered.

I thought that getting a job would solve all my problems, especially spiritually. I thought that once I didn't have the worry of being job-less looming over me, my spiritual dry spell would dry up and all would be right with my world again. Except it wasn't. I was thankful to have a paycheck every two weeks, but I also knew that my search was not over. It was clear to me that my job was not my calling in life, and I struggled to figure out how to continue discerning the next step. The spiritual dryness still persisted, and while I was starting to accept it, that didn't make the silence and unrest I felt in prayer any better.

Fast forward. After months of whining about venting calmly and coherently sharing my continued spiritual frustrations with my spiritual director, can you guess what he suggested?

If you guessed praying another novena to St. Joseph, you win the prize!

At this suggestion, our conversation went something like this: (the following may contain slight exaggeration for dramatic effect)

Me: ANOTHER ONE?!?!!? C'mon, can't I be done with this whole prayer thing? It doesn't seem to be working.
SD: No.
Me: But I feel so lost in my prayer! I don't even know where to begin! I don't even know what I should be asking!
SD: Keep it simple. Pray: "Show me my vocation. Show me what's next."
Me: (grumble grumble exasperated sigh) Fiiiiiiiine...

So I did.

It just so happened that the timing of all of this worked out that I would be finishing up my novena on Ash Wednesday, the unofficial anniversary of my spiritual dry spell. Coincidence? I'll leave that for you, dear reader, to decide.

A dim flicker of hope?

Knowing that it was probably because of St. Joseph that I got a job before, I tried to pour my heart and soul into my broad novena intention. Throughout the nine days, however, my simple intention evolved into more and more petitions, desires that had been lying on my heart that I had been ignoring. I started to glimpse little flickers of light and feel tiny waves of peace rushing over me when I prayed, but they didn't last very long.

Day nine arrived, and I spent part of my lunch break praying my novena in front of the Blessed Sacrament, begging dear St. Joseph to show me something... anything! Part of me hoped that I would be rewarded with a spectacular vision of my life all laid out, but I left adoration without any new revelations. By this time, I wasn't too surprised. I had become fully accustomed to my dry spell.

It was that night when things started to get weird. One of the intentions that had shoved its way into my nine days of prayer popped up, and I dared to think, "Could this be a result of my novena?"** Not wanting to set myself up for disappointment though, I tried not to read anything into it, and I went to sleep that night still waiting for answers.

**This became the very specific intention of my next St. Joe novena, which I finished today!


The next day was any other day, just a normal Thursday. I'd missed a call while at work, and I finally got a chance to check my voicemail while driving home.

This is [insert name of HR person here] at the US [insert government agency name here] calling to make you a job offer as a [insert job title here]. The salary is [insert number that is way more than I've ever made in my life here]. If you could please give me a call back, I would be happy to give you more details. Congratulations, we're excited to have you join us!

Can you imagine my shock?

But wait, it gets better.

I got home and not only did I have an email from this person with more details, but I had another job offer in my inbox from a company in Ohio.

This is when I started freaking out! After almost a year of job craziness, I suddenly had two job options staring me in the face?!


St. Joseph, I asked you to show me what's next! How are TWO JOB OFFERS showing me what's next? That's making me make a decision! You were just supposed to show me everything... Oh wait.... I get it.

I then realized that I have a best friend looking out for me in Heaven. St. Joe wanted to help me so much that he asked God to throw it all at me. He has such a powerful position with God that God did just as he asked! Yes, I was faced with a difficult choice, but I somehow knew that with the guidance of St. Joseph, I would make the right decision for my life right now.

Through a bit more prayer, I felt at peace with accepting the job that would keep me in the DC area. I felt like something was keeping me tethered here, and even though I haven't figured out what it is, I decided to trust that sense of calm and stay. I accepted the job with the government agency less than a week later, and started my new position a week ago.

The past few weeks have been crazy, to say the least. I don't know if I've ever felt so overwhelmed from everything in my life, but despite this, I feel more at peace than I have in the past year.

Is this new job the one I will have for the rest of my life? I have absolutely no idea, but I am pretty sure it's where I am meant to be right now. I've already seen fruits from my decision, and it's only been a week!

Even more, while I don't think I have both feet entirely out of the desert yet, I think I might relief on the horizon. Even tonight, as I finished my latest novena to St. Joseph, I couldn't help but let a smile cross my face. I'm not alone anymore when I close my eyes to pray. In my mind's eye, I can see St. Joseph taking my prayer intentions to the Heavenly feast, offering them up for me to God.

St. Joseph was a father and husband, chosen by God to lead the holiest of families. He lived his life as a faithful servant to Christ, working hard to provide whatever his family needed. He did all of this with humility, despite the suffering he had to have endured throughout his life, and was graced with the privilege of dying in the arms of Jesus and Mary. This same St. Joe has become my Heavenly beau, my cheerleader, my guide. He wants me out of that desert so that I too can live my life as a faithful servant to Christ.

So, don't be surprised if I start hanging out with St. Joe all the time. We do practically everything together now. You might even say we're attached at the spiritual hip. I want to keep my friend with me in my daily life, so that hopefully I will someday get to meet him in Heaven so I can say, "Thank you, St. Joe, my beau!"

St. Joe even helps me blog!

Remember, most pure spouse of Mary, ever Virgin, my loving protector, Saint Joseph, that no one ever had recourse to your protection or asked for your aid without obtaining relief. Confiding, therefore, in your goodness, I come before you and humbly implore you. Despise not my petitions, foster-father of the Redeemer, but graciously receive them. Amen.

The Desert

Unless you gave up cake for Lent...
then you can't come to the party.

The start of the Lenten season marks the one year* anniversary of my spiritual dry spell.


*Church year, not calendar year.


To commemorate this momentous occasion, I'm going to have an anniversary party. You're all invited!

Kidding.

Unfortunately, I'm not quite to the partying part yet. I have gotten to the point where I've accepted this dry spell - whatever it means - but I haven't gotten to the point of rejoicing. Maybe someday I will go all St. Paul and learn how to rejoice in my suffering (2 Cor 12:10, Rom 5:3, Col 1:24, etc.), but until then, I'll have to save my cake-eating and happy-dancing for other occasions.

I suppose it is fitting that my dry spell began with Lent last year. I entered the desert with Christ, but for reasons known only to God, I didn't experience the joyous resurrection of coming out of the spiritual desert when Easter rolled around. While there have been brief periods of spiritual enlightenment, joy, and revelation, I haven't been able to leave that dry, arid desert for a year - at least, not yet.

Throughout the past year, I've had many people ask me what I mean by "spiritual dry spell" and to describe what it's like. This is not a question that offers an easy answer!

Jesus Ministered to by Angels, by James Tissot

Looking to Christ, we know a little about his 40 days in the desert. He ate nothing for 40 days, and when the days were over, he was hungry (that's the understatement of the year). We hear in this Sunday's Gospel that the angels ministered to him while he lived amongst the wild beasts.

Oh, and he was tempted by that pesky Devil. Over and over again. He was offered food, power, and riches - everything that someone in a weakened state could ever dream about - but Christ turned it all down.

While we have insight into what Jesus did in the desert through the Gospel accounts, we have no inkling of what his heart, mind, and soul were going through during that period in the spiritual wasteland.

Did he feel as if God had abandoned him?

Did he close his eyes to pray and see only darkness and emptiness?

Did his heart yearn for the closeness he once felt with the Father?

I don't have the answers as to what Christ went through. I think that perhaps he had to experience that in some way, since he was human in every way but sin. We all go through periods of spiritual dryness, and these times are even more noticeable when we go from an on-fire faith life to being thrown in the desert. Each person experiences this dryness in a different way.

I can say that for me, my dry spell is not necessarily characterized by feelings or temptations, but by the lack of something - anything - which makes it difficult to describe.

This picture lacks a presence.

When I close my eyes to pray, it's not that it is dark, as if the light has been turned off. It's as if it is entirely empty, like there was never a light there in the first place. Where I once felt God's presence guiding my prayers, I now do not sense any presence at all. It is like there is a void that was once full and over-flowing. Where I used to be able to sit in tranquil silence, waiting to listen to God, the silence is now more noted by a lack of thoughts than a peaceful presence. I used to desire to go to Mass every day - like a girl giddy with love - but I no longer have that intense longing to be in His presence. Where I used to find rest before, the past year has felt as if I've been carrying a heavy burden. No matter how much I try to sit at Christ's feet, I still feel as if I'm begging to be recognized. Most significantly, it doesn't feel as if I have been carrying a cross with Christ, but  all of this has felt as if I've been all alone.

In my heart, I know that God hasn't left me, and I know that I haven't been carrying this alone, but that doesn't make the sensation of feeling alone any less. I can read and reflect on the idea of suffering all I want, but that doesn't actually make the suffering go away. At the end of the day, I can accept it all while still wondering why I'm in this spiritual state, right here and right now.

I think one of the most significant things I have learned in this past year through a lot of reflection and even more spiritual direction is that God has a plan for all of this. He has led me to this dry spell - and kept me there -for reasons only known to Him. We even read in all of the Gospel accounts that it is the Holy Spirit that leads Jesus into the desert. Not the Devil. Not some shiny object. God Himself leads Christ into the desert. Scripture doesn't say why, but we know that there must be a good - and important - reason why God would not only allow this to happen, but also to actually lead His son into the dryness. If He had a reason for doing that for Christ, then He must have a reason for doing it for me, too.

All I know is that whatever is coming for me after all of this must be big. After all, Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert only to come out and begin his public ministry, proclaiming the Kingdom of God, and calling all sinners to repent and believe in the Gospel. (Mk 1:12-15) While I don't see myself busting out of this dry spell standing on street corners yelling at people to repent - it's not really my style - I have come to trust over the past year that there is something big in the works. Someday, I will hopefully look back at this time in my life and think, "That's what it all was for." Until then, I just have to keep praying - begging is the more correct term - and wait. Just as Christ came out of the desert, I will someday too, still walking along beside Him.

Spiritual Dry Spells, Part 2

I think the introduction to Part 1 was long enough, so without further ado, here are the next five things I've learned from my spiritual dry spell.


6. Seek out the advice of a spiritual director

Jesus, the first spiritual director, with Peter!

I have a confession to make. A few Many of these oh-so-helpful tips have been pointed out to me by my spiritual director over the past few months. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on these suggestions (even if I'm not so good at putting them into action), but he should get some of the credit (I'm a chemist, I love to cite my sources). 

But in all seriousness, while I  may not always like to hear what my spiritual director has to say, he is almost always spot on with pointing out the "obvious" things I have failed to see in my blindness. Having a person who knows you and your spiritual life, who is also close to the Lord, will help your spiritual life improve by leaps and bounds. A spiritual director is able to be objective where you are not, but he can also be subjective. Often, your spiritual director has gone through similar trials in his own life, which means that he can give advice based on experience. Especially if you're having trouble hearing God in the "usual" places, letting God speak to you through a spiritual director can greatly improve your spiritual life, and it sometimes even causes the spiritual lightbulb to start to flicker a little bit brighter.

7. Say, "Thank You."

Heavenly Father, thank you for cranberry sauce.

The day that we gather with family and friends and eat turkey and that delicious cranberry sauce (the kind from the can) is not the only day that we should be thankful for all the great things in our lives. We should be thankful for the wonderful creation of cranberry sauce every day!

When we take a moment to give thanks, we begin to realize the little things in life that get us through day-to-day life, especially when life seems pretty rough. So, each day, think about five things for which you can be thankful. While you can be thankful for material things - such as a roof over your head, air conditioning in your room, food in your refrigerator, a can of cranberry sauce on the shelf, a laptop on which to blog, etc. - it is also good to recognize the non-materials things in your life that you are grateful to have. It can be a myriad of things, but here a few examples that I may or may not have experienced in the past few months:

• The grace to be able to focus on work or school during a time of high stress, especially during crunch time.
• An unexpected message from a friend that makes you laugh when you were on the verge of tears.
• A big, toothless smile from a sweet baby (especially when the baby doesn't smile at anyone else!)
• Delicious home-cooked meals from friends when you wouldn't have had any food to eat at home.
• A surprise gift card from a friend, and when you ask why, she responds it's because "you have so much to celebrate this year."
• The cool fall breeze that allows you to roll the windows down in the car and blast some good music.
• The out-of-the-blue realization that you are appreciated and loved by others.

The list could go on and on. During a dry spell, it can be easy to fall into the trap of "Woe is me, my life is so awful blah blah blah." In taking the time to stop and say thank you to God for the gifts He has given to you, it is easier to not fall into this state of despair, which keeps you further away from the temptation to fall into sin as well.

So, next time you're feeling down, stop and say a prayer of thanksgiving to God, even if it is for the simple gift of a can of cranberry sauce. Actually, I don't have any cranberry sauce on my shelf. Next time I'm at the grocery, I'll have to grab a can, and then I can add that of my list of "thank you"s for the day.

8. Remember that it's not all about feelings

Have you ever been/remained in a relationship with someone because you liked how he or she made you feel more than you actually liked the person? Maybe you didn't realize it at the time, but I think many people can relate to this situation.

So gloriously in love, I was swinging around
on lamp posts, just singing in the rain!

When I first started to feel spiritually dry, I didn't understand what had happened. I had been so vibrantly alive with my faith! I described the feeling to everyone as being in love with Christ and in love with the Catholic faith. When I went to Mass, I felt good. When I prayed, I felt His presence. When I served others, I felt that warm happiness inside. In my daily life, I felt filled with joy. I felt loved and so I easily loved in return.

Then it all went away. I only noticed the spiritual dryness because I noticed the lack of the feelings I once had. I didn't feel in love anymore. So I started to sink in deeper, because I relied on those feelings so much. As my spiritual director has said many times (it took many times for it to start to sink in!), we live in a culture that is all about emotion. “Do what 'feels' right” is the mantra of our society. We become so focused on how something makes us feel that we don’t always think about why we are doing it. While human emotions can be a beautiful and wonderful thing, when we use them as reasoning for what we do and do not do, we tread into very dangerous waters. By letting my emotions guide me, I had come to the point spiritually where I was more in love with the feelings I had from worshipping God, and not focused on actually loving and worshipping God. Instead of loving God because I felt loved by Him, I should have been loving God no matter what.

One of my good friends made the following analogy. When you first start dating someone, you have butterflies in your stomach and you enjoy being around this person as you first get to know each other. Yet, as the relationship develops and advances to the point where you love the person more deeply, you don't always have those feelings you had in the beginning because you don't need them anymore. Your love for that person is what sustains you, not the feelings you have when you're around him. A relationship with God can be very similar - sometimes, when we first start "dating" God, we are filled with these feelings from the overwhelming power of the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives. But we have to let this relationship develop into a stronger and deeper and unconditional love - a love that doesn't rely on feelings - but yet, a love that will always remain.

When she shared this analogy, it made me start to see my spiritual dry spell in a new light. Don't get me wrong - I would still like to have the lights turned back on - but I began to see this dryness as a gift, in a way. A gift calling me to a deeper relationship with God, calling me to love Him more deeply because He is God, not because of the feelings I get from loving Him.

9. Realize that you're not alone

Being in a vibrant faith community can be extremely beneficial to your spiritual growth, but when you're in a spiritual dry spell, it can also be very lonely. How is it that every one else so on fire for their faith, and I'm the only one floundering around in the darkness?

Chances are, you're not the only one that feels dryness in their spiritual life, but especially in an active faith community, you don't want people to think that there is something wrong with you, so you keep it a secret. While I don't recommend shouting out to the whole world - "Hey, y'all, I'm experiencing a spiritual dry spell over here!" (whoops, did I just do that?) - I think it is important to discuss what you are going through with people you trust who are firm in the faith. This can be a spiritual director, but also a trusted family member and/or friend might be able to help you row through the storm. In doing this, I think it will be easier to realize that you are not alone. You might discover in sharing with a trusted friend that they have experienced a similar dry spell or are feeling dryness along with you!

Suffering Saints: John of the Cross,
Teresa of Lisieux, Mother Teresa, and Padre Pio

Everyone goes through rough patches, even the saints - and their rough patches are often darker than most. Pick a saint, any saint. Read about his or her life. You will discover that the saints, most of all, have experienced dryness in prayer and spiritual attack. It makes sense. Satan wants to tear down the holiest followers of Christ - it's a bigger "win" for him if he successfully tempts someone so holy away from God. Yet, it also makes sense that the deeper we grow in our relationship to God, the more He wants us to continue to mature in that relationship. Often, this means wandering through the arid desert - as Christ did - rejecting temptation, and continuing to call upon the Lord.

My spiritual director has pointed out to me multiple times that while suffering is not something to which we look forward or seek out, it shows us how much God loves us, by allowing His holiness to shine even brighter in our lives. Living the Catholic faith and following Christ means taking up his cross, which is all about suffering, but we have confidence in the fact that we are joined with him in this suffering. Therefore, we are most definitely not alone, because Christ is carrying the burden of our dryness right alongside us.

10. Ask God for help

Hey, is God available?

Psalm 145 sings that "the Lord is near to all who call upon him." Maybe I've been dialing the wrong number, but especially in a dry spell, it doesn't always seem like He is near, even when you cry out for His help.

However, it is important to never stop asking God for help. Not sure where to even begin? Sometimes just trying simple prayers can be a good starting point. I know that I spent months where my daily prayer consisted of "Thy will be done" or "I'm not sure what plans you have for me, but please keep leading me down your path." Constantly repeating these, while feeling them with your heart, will help you continue to seek God in everything you do, even if you don't feel His presence.

It is just important to ask God for help. You can even beg and plead if you have to - we've all been there! Have open and frank conversations with God, just like you would with a person sitting right in front of you (although I recommend having these conversations in your head if you are in the presence of other human beings). It's even alright sometimes to question God - as in "What are you doing?!?!" - when things get really rough. However, as my spiritual director advised me recently, while it is okay to question and "raise your voice" with God, it's important to always be respectful. We may not always understand what He's doing or why He's not answering in a way we can comprehend, but we still must give Him the reverence that He deserves.
Asking God for help may seem like a silly tip, but it has helped me in little ways through these past few months. Sometimes, God is just waiting right around the corner, waiting for you to ask Him in again when you've pushed Him away. Like the parable of the lost sheep, God will come searching for us, but we also have to make the choice to ask Him to carry us back home to the flock.

Have you ever been in what seems like a never-ending dry spell in your spiritual life? How did you eventually pull through?

For other great blog posts about spiritual dryness, check out these great series by Julie at The Corner with a View and Jen at Conversion Diary.