The anticipation had been building for awhile, at least for me. I couldn't ignore the hunger any more. It felt like I had been waiting an eternity, and I just couldn't hold off any longer. Screw waiting for the wedding!!! I thought.
So I gave in to the urge.
Wait, wait, wait... you all know what I'm talking about, right?
Be honest - how many of you are thinking that this post is about - are the kids out of the room? no? ok, I'll spell it instead - s-e-x?
I know my most read post is about porn, but c'mon y'all! Getchyour mind out of the gutter!
I know. It's beautiful. It's alright if you tear up. I totally did.
Let me backtrack a bit...
I'm sure many of you know that I love to bake. Partly because I love sugar and partly because it's one of those ways that I show people that I care. Like really care.
Some of you also might know that this KitchenAid stand mixer is a baker's dream. Like heaven. On your countertop. You can make an entire batch of cookies at once!!!!!
So, it probably comes at no surprise that I've always wanted a KitchenAid stand mixer for my very own. I have great memories making batches of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with my family growing up, and ever since I became an adult, my wrist has always longed for the relief of not having to mix cookie batter with a hand mixer.
But something has always been holding me back, and that something is the idea of waiting for the wedding.
KitchenAid stand mixers do not come cheap. This one runs for a retail price of $299.99, and that's the cheapest one! So, while I've always wanted one, I've never taken the leap to buying one.
It's soooo expensive! I think.
Can I really justify spending that kind of money on something for just me? I wonder.
Because only married people use kitchen appliances.
This is the kind of thing you put on your wedding registry, is the thought that always cinched the "Not gonna give in and buy it" mindset.
You see, for years, I've been living with the idea that there are things that I would want - things that I would use - but I haven't bought them for myself because they are the kinds of things that you register for when you get engaged.
The kinds of things that your girlfriends all chip in to buy you for your bridal shower.
Or that really expensive item that your dad's co-worker has shipped to your parents' house before the wedding all gift-wrapped in special Macy's ribbons and bows.
Or the gift that your great Aunt Ruth (who had a beard... and it felt weird...) splurges on for you because you are her favoritest great niece in the whole wide world.
It's one of those expensive gifts like nice crystal or china that you wait to buy so you can put something on your wedding registry... and if you buy it before the man comes along, then what are you supposed to register for?!
Waiting for the wedding was holding me back. It was keeping me from living my dreams... my baker's dream, that is.
And then it happened. Everything just lined up too perfectly. It's like it was God's will! All KitchenAid appliances went on sale at Kohl's. Then they had a special Ebates deal on top of that. Then there was the extra 30% off. Then there was the Kohl's cash. Then there was the mail-in rebate. You get the idea. When it all came down to it, the final price was going to be down from $299.99 to under $100. I even had some muscle who carried it to my apartment and set it up for me! How could I say not give in?
Obviously, I have a hard time saying "No!" to any great deal, but it was more than that. It was finally time for me. It was a change in my mindset. I'm done waiting for the wedding. I have a life that's worth living now, not just someday when I get married.
So, it did happen that one Friday night, where I didn't wait for the wedding. I had some chivalrous muscle come over to carry it up from the lobby for me, pull it out of the box, and place it ever so gently on the countertop.
It was a beautiful moment. It was everything I had hoped it would be. And it was mine. A gift for myself.
Ah, being single. There are so many fun things that go along with being single. Having no one to witness you eating an entire package of Oreos, for one. Oh, sure, we get the loneliness and seem to be extra super de duper vulnerable to the "He Likes Me!?, He Likes Me Not???" moments, but no big deal, right?
You know what I’m talking about. The Taylor Swift-esque “ohmygoodness he just winked at me *squeeeeeeeee*” moment that changes everything, and makes you wonder if he’s starting to see you as more than a friend. Then right when you decide that yes, yes he does see you as more than a friend and you pour out your wee little heart, you get the great big stamp of rejection. Oh so fun.
Fortunately for us single ladies, people do still date and get married, so rejection doesn’t happen all the time (right?!). So, the question is – when is he trying to show he’s interested in you and when is he just trying to be your friend? Guys, how can we tell what you mean? Us ladies tend to analyze everything, so could you just be a bit more clear?
I came across this gem this weekend, and not only did it make me laugh, but I found most of his tips from one guy to another to be pretty spot on.
So, while I typically write towards the ladies, this post is more for the lads. I thought you might be interested in having one gal's perspective on these ten tips. I don't write for all the single ladies, but I think many of us would generally have similar ideas about these tips.
I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts, though, guys and gals. What do you think of these tips? Any that you would add? How do you handle the “What is our ______-ship status” dance?
Just so you know, medium
salsa is spicy to me!
#10 - Find Out What She Likes - While I would find it sweet if you were willing to go see Twilight with me, I actually would prefer that you didn't! That being said, when I am getting to know someone, I love hearing what your interests are. Lads who are so passionate about something that they get visibly excited when telling me about said passion are medium salsa spicy to very attractive.
So, on the flip side, a lad taking the time to learn what I'm passionate about, and then taking even more time to be interested in at least hearing about what I love? That makes me feel pretty special. Even better, try out some of these things with me! This gal’s main love language (I feel lame… “love language” sounds so 1960s or something) is quality time, so if you’re willing to spend some quality time with me doing the things that I love or you love, I’m inevitably going to take an interest in you.
#9 - Encourage Her - This cannot be stressed enough! Everyone has confidence issues from time to time, and that’s why it is so important to build me up, not tear me down. Yes, I can take jokes all day and will most likely dish it back to you, but if that’s all you do, without any words of encouragement, you can bet that it will get old fast. I know that I will especially notice if a guy is encouraging to me during a time when I’m down or lacking confidence. Making me feel that who I am and what I do is of value to you or others is a sure-fire way to show some interest in me.
#8 - Compliment Her - I’m going to let you in on a secret, lads. Ladies tend to do things to impress you or gain your notice. Whether it’s making a witty comment that I know will make you laugh or wearing a shirt I know that you like, I’m guilty of this too. So when you take notice and compliment me, I notice that you noticed. Make sense?
Honestly, a compliment goes a long way. It shows me that not only do you appreciate something about me, but that you are also comfortable enough to let me know that you like how my shirt brings out my eyes or you love the brownies I baked. And the more you compliment me, the more likely I am to feel comfortable complimenting you. And guys love compliments too, right?
She's talking to me, we're besties.
Don't let "HIM!!!" be you!
#7 - Get to Know Her Family and Friends - I know that this can be tough since my family doesn’t live near me, but showing an interest in my family and friends shows that you are interested in hearing about the important people in my life. Ask how my weekend at home was with my family or about the fun plans I have with my friends that weekend. Better yet, remember the names of my sisters, other family members, or friends. Hearing that you remember that I’m hanging out with my friend Bon Qui Qui this weekend makes me realize that you were truly listening when I gave the play-by-play of my weekend plans with her earlier.
#6 - Support Your Local Chivalry - Contrary to popular belief, chivalry is not dead! Chivalry is a bit more about opening the door for a lady, though. It’s about the intention behind what you are doing - it's truly about having a servant's heart. Loving another is all about serving and putting another person’s needs above your own. “Acts of service” is another one of those fun lurve languages that I happen to like. It doesn’t have to be something huge, it's the little things that make a big difference, as long as you have the right intention. Hold the door for me. Walk me to my car. Help me put on my coat. Pay for my dinner... or ice cream... or both! When all else fails, ask: "Hey is there anything I can do to make your life as lovely as you are?" My answer: “Always, and yes, yes please.”
#5 - Don't Post Cell Phone Mirror Self Portraits on Facebook - Does anyone actually do this anymore? If you do, just stop now, and please don't ever ever ever do this again.
#4 - Don't Lay it on Too Thick - I have to disagree a bit with him here. Sure, don't be a creeper. Nobody likes a creeper. At the same time, though, it's ok to show that you are taking an interest in me, especially if you are showing that you are thinking about me when I’m not around! Text me when you see something that reminds you of me! Post a funny video to my Facebook if it made you think of the conversation we had earlier that day! Invite me to go try that new burger place you passed on your way home because you know I enjoy a good burger! Just don’t be over the top – if you find yourself wanting to lay it on thick all the time, then you should probably go read the message to the lads who are interested at the bottom.
Totally not kidding. You think I'm
kidding about not kidding, but I'm not.
#3 - Keep Your Hands to Yourself! - I'm not going to lie. I was at first offended by being compared to a candy bar. Then I realized how I get when I just HAVE TO HAVE CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW. It's like a destructive frenzy and bless the poor souls who get in my way. Old lady in the grocery store? Who cares. I need my chocolate NOW. So when he said to remember that you always want more candy bars (except with Oreos, of course), I can relate to the difficulty of putting on the brakes. Sure, I enjoy polishing off an entire package of Oreos in 15 minutes just like the next person, but when I spread out the Oreo love over a longer period of time, I value my Oreos a lot more.
Of course, I think that this is an over-simplified version of what men (and women!) tend to go through, but I think he makes some good points. One of the best ways to show me that you’re interested – and to get me to like you in return – is to respect me – including my beliefs, my needs, and my comfort level. I know that I work hard to practice the virtue of self-control, and I can’t even begin to explain how attractive it is to me when a lad exhibits self-control as well.
All of this being said, you also don’t have to be all middle-school-dance style. As my secondary love language (again, weird) is touch, you initiating respectful physical contact, like a hug or a little brush of the arm or the hand, shows me that you’re interested in more than friendship. However, respect that I place a lot of value on certain things that are reserved for the dating stage and other things that are reserved for the marriage stage, and respect that it’s important to me to only share these valuables with someone I treasure equally as much.
#2 - Make Her Feel Safe - I think this is the tip that resonated the most with me, oddly enough. In those first stages of spending more time together, one of my first thoughts is, “I feel safe and comfortable with this person.” If I don’t/can’t trust you, I won’t feel safe being me with you and therefore sharing who I am with you. I think the best way to make me feel safe is to follow #1.
#1 - Be Her Best Friend - I feel safe with someone that I trust completely, and people that I trust are those who have taken the time to get to know me and have become a close friend. All that talk about “the friend zone” with the lads just irks me, because why would you want to waste your time with someone you don't like spending time with? Strong and lasting relationships are built on strong friendships – trust, respect, and, for me, lots of laughter! The easiest way to be my best friend? Conversation. If I can sit and have a great conversation with you before realizing that hours have passed, then chances are I trust you, and possibly have maybe even considered the thought of letting you be more than my best friend.
So here’s what it comes down to, for me and for many other single ladies that I know.
Guys, if you read only one thing in all of this post, it should be these messages to YOU.
Here, have a beer to get you through.
Take your pick!
To the Lads who aren't interested:
Yes, keeping chivalry alive and respecting and appreciating the lasses in your life is important... but don't take it too far. To put it bluntly, being led on by a guy absolutely sucks. Doing all of these things without having any interest in me whatsoever is leading me on, and leads to rejection. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but for a girl who thinks she is being wooed - to have that suddenly ripped out from under her feet - it hurts. It’s important that you aren’t lying with your actions. Saying, “You’re a great friend!” isn’t going to cut it – your actions have to mimic your words and vice versa. So please, be gentle with our hearts. Respect and care for us, but know where the line is.
To the Lads who are interested:
Trying out the top ten things goes a long way to showing me that you care, that you appreciate me, that you respect me, that you are interested in me. But speaking from personal experience and the experiences of so many others, I’ve been hurt by men who have done many of these things without having an interest in anything other than friendship. Each time this happens, unfortunately, I start building a wall up around my heart in an attempt to keep from getting hurt again. And, if you are showing your interest in me by doing all the above things, as much as I want to think that everything you do is because you're interested, it can be difficult to tear down the wall because I’m afraid of falling for the same lies again. This leads me to the #1 tip that isn't on this list but that you need to know…
USE YOUR WORDS.
Actions can say a lot, but actually saying, "Hey, I'd like to take you out on a date on Saturday night." or even "Hey, I like you as more than a friend. How would you feel about us dating?" means so much more. If you’ve taken the time with #1 above, I am going to trust what you say. I can't question words as easily as I can wonder about your actions. Obviously, timing is everything. Take the necessary time to get to know me and show how you care, but don’t putz around either. Otherwise, I’m going to start to think that your actions are meaningless.
Nerves getting the best of you? Don’t let them. If you’ve taken the time to get to know me and become my friend, all while going above and beyond to show your interest in me, then chances are that I’ve almost 100% definitely wondered about your intentions and thought about wanting to be just more than your friend, too. After all, this video was all about 10 ways to get a girl to like you. It maybe sorta kinda works.
Just remember, nothing says "I care about you," like actually saying, "I care about you."
You could also just send me this in an email.
That was a joke. Please don't do that.
Unless you've already told me, then go right ahead. I might laugh. Maybe.
But getting rejected myself? Now that is not so fun.
Unfortunately, it's one of those annoying crosses of the single life to have to deal with rejection (after rejection after rejection etc. et al. la dee da). I don't have a lot of "official" dating experience, but I have been "officially" rejected more times than I would like to try counting.
Oreally?!
(P.S. I couldn't find a version of a guy saying this...
probably because this has been said by no guy ever.)
The good news is, I can always learn something new from these times of being rejected. God always wants us to get good out of suffering, right?
This post can be for the ladies who are dealing with break-ups, but it really is for those who have just been led on and/or rejected before it even got to the break-up stage. According to my spiritual director, ladies do more rejecting than men (which I've heard of never), so lads, go ahead and read these pointers if you're drowning your rejection in a tub of ice cream too.
For your benefit, I've compiled a succinct list of things that should help you if you ever get rejected, because I am pretty much an expert at it.
You're so welcome. My pain is your gain, ya?*
~*~
~ Don't write on your blog/Facebook about your rejection until you can laugh about it... it's always better to write with humor and a dash of sarcasm anyway.
~ Walk around muttering under your breath that men of this world should be more like Jesus, and Jesus would never reject you, obviously.
~ Read the Book of Job. His life was way worse. Then be thankful that your skin isn't covered in boils, because that is so unattractive.
"Oh, hey, I read Numbers all the time too!"
~ Learn to smile when he says, "You're a really great friend." And by smile, I mean think to yourself, "I hate that word."
~ Use all the free time you have now to practice those stellar Catholic pick-up lines. Always want to be prepared in case you catch the eye of a cutie two pews over at Mass.
~ Tell yourself that he's probably going to become a priest anyway... it will help you get over it faster, and Mary would be a better girlfriend for him. She has way more patience.
~ Realize that Taylor Swift songs can only be so cathartic. It doesn't matter if she was clearly thinking about your life when she wrote The Story of Us, you should probably only listen to her 10 times per day, no más.
I'm tracking how many times your watch this!
~ Pray to St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi that you can one day rebuild your friendship with him... and while you're storming heaven with your pleas, throw in one to St. Jude to help you out with this seemingly impossible cause.
~ Embrace the awkward. There's nothing you can do about it, but at least you can enjoy watching him do the awkward turtle squirm.
~ Yes, maybe your prayer led you to think that you were going to get married and have adorable babies, but no, God did not lead you on like the boy did. There's a point to all of this... probably.
No use crying over spilt... onions?
~ Get thee to a nunnery kitchen... because nothing helps you vent hurt and frustration with the male species quite like large kitchen knives and pounding on some cookie dough. I personally recommend chopping lots of onions. Lots 'n lots o' onions.
~ Go for a run in the rain. It makes your run a more dramatic interpretation of your present state of life... and it helps you sweat off the package of Oreos you ate last night.
~ Just say no to drugs hugs. That's probably part of what got you both into this mess in the first place. Don't even think about holding hands during the Our Father either.
~ Give thanks to God for destroying the illusion that Catholic men are perfect... before you had to find out the really hard way, whatever that is.
~ Realize that someone saying "No" to you now is so that you'll be available for the one who was made to say "Yes!" to you later on.
Do you have some fun tips? Add to the list!
*Disclaimer: This post was not written about or for any one particular person. Just a humorous interpretation of my experiences and observations. P.S. I should also probably be clear that this post is written to be completely humorous, I do not hold any hurt or anger about any past rejections! Although, doing many of these things in a more serious fashion really did help me get over being rejected... especially cutting onions and running in the rain... and praying to the saints... and Taylor Swift... and so on. You get the idea.
Sometimes - but only sometimes - I am entertained by my blog.
First, the Google searches that bring people to my blog (hopefully, another fun post on that soon). We all have those kooky phrases that get people here, but I bet none of you can beat this one:
Yes, that's right. SEXY MODEST CATHOLIC brought someone to my blog.
And now that I've typed it all together as a phrase in a post, I'm sure that it will bring even more people to my blog.
If you, dear reader, were brought here by searching for "sexy modest Catholic" on Google, I welcome you. You have found the classy lady for whom you seek. I hope you enjoy your stay.
In other news, I am always intrigued when I'm able to see all the places that land on my blog. The internet is pretty cool that people from all over the world can find little ole me.
I think my favorite visitor I've seen thus far has to be all the way from Cebu, Cebu City.
While I am sure that Cebu, Cebu City is a fascinating place, this is not why it is my favorite.
This is why:
Anyone else having Veggie Tales flashbacks?
Excuse me, I have to go achoo-moo-moo.
Oh, but before I go, because I like it when my blog entertains me, I'll also leave you with this:
In case I don't say it enough, sus suaves movimientos son como mantequilla en un chango pelón.
Here's a little humor for your Tuesday morning to help you get through the week, as well as a little preview to some of the fun things that happened this past weekend.
Enjoy a little comedy from Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye from White Christmas... and if you haven't ever seen this movie - what are you waiting for?! Get on it!
Since those of us who are active in the Catholic blogosphere tend to spend a lot of time contemplating very deep thoughts relating to the Church, moral issues, and secular culture, I thought I would lighten it up a bit with some "deep thoughts" that have often plagued my mind.
(No, seriously, I have spent time contemplating things on this list during my metro commute, in the shower, at work, and as I try to fall asleep at night. I do not jest.)
Please feel free to add your own "deep thoughts" in the comments, as I will continue to update this post as new thoughts monopolize my time.
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In Canada, if "about" sounds like "abOOt", when you are about to "boot" up your computer, are you actually abOOT to "bout" up your computer?
If we're going to sell hot dog buns and hot dogs in different amounts, then why do they sell shampoo and conditioner in the same size bottle? Elizabeth calls this the "Disproportionate End of Bottle Syndrome." It is a tragic syndrome to have.
How do people who are blind buy new clothes? Do they worry about buying clothing with patterns and different colors?
If a bird figured out how to update its Twitter account, would it still be called a "tweet"? What if the bird tweets the word "chirp"?
Ever wonder why God created boys and girls so... well... different?
Unfortunately, this is not a post about John Paul II's Theology of the Body... at least, not purposely. I recently came across a situation through two discussions - between two girls and between a girl and a boy - that made me think about the God's purpose of creating us male and female, of creating us to be different. This idea - and the necessity of it - is often lost in secular culture with talks of extreme equality and tolerance. Good thing we have daily reminders such as these to help us remember.
--------
Girl Version
Girl 1: How did your thing the other day go?
Girl 2: *forlorn sigh* It was... *interesting*
Girl 1: What happened?
Girl 2: It was fun but very stressful and confusing...
Conversation continues for about 20 minutes, where the two ladies talk about their feelings and advice is passed along for the good of all. Tears are most likely shed, and reassuring words are said to let Girl 2 know that God has a plan, even if it remains unknown for the time being. In a perfect world, the conversation would end with the eating of chocolate and a shopping spree.
Boy Version
Boy: Oh hey, how was your thing the other day?
Girl: *exasperated sigh* It was... *interesting* [said with a sad, exasperated, and probably scary-looking (to a boy) face]
Boy: Oh. Sorry.
Boy runs away.
20 minutes later...
Girl: Sorry about earlier. It was a confusing day and...
Boy: (interrupting) No problem, don't worry about it. I totally understand, been there.
Boy changes subject. In a perfect world, this subject would include discussing the latest bargains found at TJMaxx, but in reality, it is probably about sports, TV shows, or asking when dinner will be ready.
--------
From these observations, I have been able to conclude the following:
God has a sense of humor - Imagine God at creation: "What can I do to make things more entertaining... Aha! I know!"* If anything, God gets a good chuckle out of all of this.
Boys do not like to talk about emotions - They do, however, like to run away. That must be how they stay so lean and muscular.
Girls like to talk... about anything - They also can be easily sidetracked by shoe shopping and choco... Pardon the interruption. The blog author has apparently left the room in search of chocolate.
20 minutes or 20 seconds, both conversations are exactly what needs to be heard - These differences between boys and girls are each reassuring in their own unique way:
It took 20 minutes to discuss those pesky emotions, analyze every corner of the situation, hear advice based on past experiences, and share in a mutual understanding - while also (hopefully) sharing a delicious bar of chocolate - all of which makes everyone feel more clarity.
In 20 seconds, the boy was able to convey to the girl that he understood what she was going through. Even though it wasn't discussed in detail and (unfortunately) there wasn't any chocolate, those words of "I understand, been there" passed on a similar feeling of mutual understanding - without having to deal with an awkward discussion of those pesky emotions. Crisis averted!, thinks the boy. Surprisingly, I feel better..., thinks the girl.
Ah, the never-ending battle of boys vs. girls. But maybe that's all part of God's master plan...
*Thank goodness this isn't the way creation panned out... or is it?!?! Will we ever know? Perhaps this will be the next Creation vs. Evolution debate...
If this were Miami hockey... I'd totally be there with the guys... except I wouldn't have been created yet.
You know what I’m talking about. The Taylor Swift-esque “ohmygoodness he just winked at me *squeeeeeeeee*” moment that changes everything, and makes you wonder if he’s starting to see you as more than a friend. Then right when you decide that yes, yes he does see you as more than a friend and you pour out your wee little heart, you get the great big stamp of rejection. Oh so fun.
... and if you haven't ever seen this movie - what are you waiting for?! Get on it! 
