Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Busy (Being Single Series)

I was having one of my usual way-too-early-in-the-morning-chats-while-making-our-tea with my co-worker recently, and I somehow ended up bringing up that I am a Girl Scout leader. We have had many conversations about what we do in our not-at-work time, and his response was:

"Wait, so you are a Girl Scout leader and you also work with your church and play softball?! You're so busy!"

I was slightly surprised by his reaction because I've always been involved in a lot of things, and most of my friends have too, so to me, it really doesn't seem like a lot. It did get me thinking though.

My response to him that morning was: "Well, yea, I am involved in all those things, but it really isn't that much..."

... which, for the most part, is true. Most of my activities are maybe a 1-2 hour time commitment on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, so it really doesn't seem too busy to me, most of the time.

After thinking about it though, I realized that a more truthful response would have been more of something like this:

"I try to keep busy 3 or 4 nights a week after work because I have less time to think about how lonely I am. Seeing people at these different things helps me forget for even a couple of hours that I go home and have to be alone. I don't want people to think though that this is my life and I'm too busy for new things, because I would gladly give up any of my busy-ness if a handsome lad wanted to take me out on a date!"

OK, so maybe I wouldn't have actually said all of that, but that is the more accurate answer. I do keep busy because it makes me feel less lonely. At the same time, I'm always afraid that I give off the wrong impression to the lads that I am too busy to have time for them, when really the opposite is true.

So, as this busy gal gets ready to head to bed after an already exhausting week, I turn this over to you.

How do you keep a balance between keeping busy as a single woman (to find companionship, serve others, and keep the loneliness away, among other reasons) and yet still showing men that you are available and open to other kinds of busy-ness (dating and, well, yea, just dating)?

I'd love to hear from the single single ladies, the taken single ladies, the engaged single ladies, the taken by God alone ladies, the married ladies, and even the men! Please chime in!

P.S. I really really really want to respond to your comments via email so we can keep up the discussion, so please make sure an email address is tied to your comment profile! Here's how...


  1. I think it's interesting to see what "busy" means to some people. There are many days I don't think I'm busy but others think OMG you're SOOO BUSY!! I don't know that it's necessarily a bad thing to keep yourself busy so you're not alone. I think if that works for you it's okay. I think that is why so many people are depressed is that they sit at home alone sad all the time.

  2. When I was single, I met my hubby at a sports bar. Bars back then were fun safe havens though. I worked 40 hours a week and attended college classes 2 to 3 nights per week. I never lived on my own so I never had time to feel lonely, except this one time in my life.

    This lonely time was after my cheating boyfriend and I broke up. I thought I would never find anyone else. It took a good 2 years until I met hubby and we dated for a good 2 years. I was married at 23.

    During this lonely time, my parents helped me tremendously. They didn't have to do much but just be there for me. I've been married 25 years and have friends that are still single too. I know one of my friends is heavily involved with activities and church while holding a successful job. I don't know why she doesn't reach out to me more on fb or call when she comes back to this area to visit her family.

    I would love to see her more and spend time with her as I have always valued our friendship. I greatly admire her and she has been through some rough relationships. I don't know how to help her - maybe she does not feel the need to communicate with me.

    I know what it is like to be lonely. It isn't easy. My #2 college son has not met anyone yet and his older brother has had a steady girlfriend for 2 years. I am so glad that he doesn't appear to be too lonely...although I know there are times he would love to have a girlfriend. He often jokes and laughs so I know he isn't hurting too badly.

    I tell my sons to stay involved in activities and the Catholic Student Center while in college. It really is like a family. Like my parents were to me when I was lonely. You need family. You can not stop your life even though you do not have a serious partner. Most singles and newlyweds have so much to offer others because they are not tied down to the responsibilities of caring for children at home yet. These could be some of the best years of your life!

    These activities are beneficial for you and for others. Do not feel bad because you do not have a serious partner. You live in a great country and are free to partake in good wholesome activities that may one day provide a means to meet the man of your dreams.

  3. i have both my girl scout silver and gold awards so i think you are awesome.

  4. A few months after I found a job, I moved out of my mother’s home to live on my own. At that moment, I decided to start volunteering. I had the time and the energy to do so, so why wouldn’t I? I joined a catholic scouts group (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Union_of_Guides_and_Scouts_of_Europe) as a leader, started volunteering at a school for children with autism and became a team member at my church. Currently, I’m also in a choir, have classes three times a week, babysit my little brother every Friday and try to squeeze in time with friends and family. On top of my full time job of course.
    I love being ‘busy’ and it does indeed keep me from being lonely. However, I’m probably the last person to give advice on dating or spending time with men, as I’m really bad at it. Then again, I meet a lot more people when I’m busy volunteering or taking classes than when I’m at home watching DVDs. I spend a lot of time at church and at scouting events and hardly ever visit a bar or go out. But to be honest, I would love for my future husband to be a catholic or a scout (as we’re a catholic group, ‘scout’ implies ‘catholic’), so scouting events or church are the places where I would meet my ‘ideal’ man.
    In a nutshell, my ‘dating’ advice is: find a few hobbies you love, spend time doing what you love and meeting people, make friends and enjoy life.
    Now that I read that again, I guess I’m not really giving you dating advice, but am actually giving you advice on enjoying life. Oh well, maybe that’s the best dating advice!

  5. Having interests and being fun is an important attraction to guys. So If a girl is busy they love that. They do not want the girl who is sitting home and than has nothing to talk about when they are on a date. Some of my best stories to tell on dates are what happends with the homeless people I feed in New York City. Make sure you go to the gym as well. The gym is so important on Long Island. Be active in alot of diferent stuff. Try things outside of your comfort zone. If you are a Nocturnal adoration society girl go to a Praise and Worship group or do service. Service like a soup kitchen or helping kids at a hospital tend to attract good guys. If you are sport minded also try to get involved with cyo . coach a team. thats so much fun and great date stories. No being busy is never a bad thing. The more you become involved the more people you will meet the more people you meet your chances of meeting a great guy go up!

  6. Superb question, m'lady. I don't know for sure, but I met my beau when I was more involved in outside-of-work-activities than I'd ever been involved in before...

    Obviously, there's no blanket answer because people meet the one picked by God in all kinds of ways. Hmmm come to think of it, I remember praying to God (I'm sure you've done this, so sorry for the repetition) for almost a year that He might allow me to send out "the vibe" to the right guy at the right time. Being involved in things you enjoy and love for what they are will add to your confidence, which is a guy magnet. You're confident, now all you need is the right time. Also, this.

  7. I'd say that my busy-ness only would have clashed with my "love life" if I had let it take priority over the guy I was with; that is, if I was too busy for him and did not make time. B. and I have always been long-distance, so we **had** to make time for each other. If we didn't, that meant something.

    I would say, busy is good if you are enjoying yourself and using your activities to glorify God. And when the right Mister comes along, he'll fit into that too!

  8. If I were single and lived alone, I'd be doing all that too. The "why are you complaining about being single - you're too busy for a boyfriend!" argument really gets my goat. When I met my fiance, I did not say "Oh gee, I just started grad school, I don't have time for a long-distance relationship. Sorry pal."

    If you care about the person you are dating, you will make time for them and also want to include them in your hobbies. For example, the new boyfriend of a friend of mine admitted that he had to cut back on his 12-hours-a-week Frisbee games after he met her. On the other hand, you could totally bring a guy to church and softball.

  9. My mom always taught me, "you have time for what you make time for" and that is probably the best piece of advice I've ever gotten from her (or at least the piece of advice I quote her most for!). I find I'm busy a lot too, I work part-time as a youth minister and then I've added a bunch of activities on the side to fill up the time and hopefully add to the Kingdom. When a lovely lad comes along that I/God deems is worthy of spending extra time on, then I make time because he's worth it - and that's how I operate with my friends too, so hopefully the lad will see that and know that there is room for him ;-)


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