Tuesday, November 20, 2012

This One's for the Boys (Being Single Series)

Ah, being single. There are so many fun things that go along with being single. Having no one to witness you eating an entire package of Oreos, for one. Oh, sure, we get the loneliness and seem to be extra super de duper vulnerable to the "He Likes Me!?, He Likes Me Not???" moments, but no big deal, right?

You know what I’m talking about. The Taylor Swift-esque “ohmygoodness he just winked at me *squeeeeeeeee*” moment that changes everything, and makes you wonder if he’s starting to see you as more than a friend. Then right when you decide that yes, yes he does see you as more than a friend and you pour out your wee little heart, you get the great big stamp of rejection. Oh so fun.

Fortunately for us single ladies, people do still date and get married, so rejection doesn’t happen all the time (right?!). So, the question is – when is he trying to show he’s interested in you and when is he just trying to be your friend? Guys, how can we tell what you mean? Us ladies tend to analyze everything, so could you just be a bit more clear?

I came across this gem this weekend, and not only did it make me laugh, but I found most of his tips from one guy to another to be pretty spot on.

So, while I typically write towards the ladies, this post is more for the lads. I thought you might be interested in having one gal's perspective on these ten tips. I don't write for all the single ladies, but I think many of us would generally have similar ideas about these tips.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts, though, guys and gals. What do you think of these tips? Any that you would add? How do you handle the “What is our ______-ship status” dance?

Just so you know, medium
salsa is spicy to me!
#10 - Find Out What She Likes - While I would find it sweet if you were willing to go see Twilight with me, I actually would prefer that you didn't! That being said, when I am getting to know someone, I love hearing what your interests are. Lads who are so passionate about something that they get visibly excited when telling me about said passion are medium salsa spicy to very attractive.

So, on the flip side, a lad taking the time to learn what I'm passionate about, and then taking even more time to be interested in at least hearing about what I love? That makes me feel pretty special. Even better, try out some of these things with me! This gal’s main love language (I feel lame… “love language” sounds so 1960s or something) is quality time, so if you’re willing to spend some quality time with me doing the things that I love or you love, I’m inevitably going to take an interest in you.

#9 - Encourage Her - This cannot be stressed enough! Everyone has confidence issues from time to time, and that’s why it is so important to build me up, not tear me down. Yes, I can take jokes all day and will most likely dish it back to you, but if that’s all you do, without any words of encouragement, you can bet that it will get old fast. I know that I will especially notice if a guy is encouraging to me during a time when I’m down or lacking confidence. Making me feel that who I am and what I do is of value to you or others is a sure-fire way to show some interest in me.

#8 - Compliment Her - I’m going to let you in on a secret, lads. Ladies tend to do things to impress you or gain your notice. Whether it’s making a witty comment that I know will make you laugh or wearing a shirt I know that you like, I’m guilty of this too. So when you take notice and compliment me, I notice that you noticed. Make sense?

Honestly, a compliment goes a long way. It shows me that not only do you appreciate something about me, but that you are also comfortable enough to let me know that you like how my shirt brings out my eyes or you love the brownies I baked. And the more you compliment me, the more likely I am to feel comfortable complimenting you. And guys love compliments too, right?

She's talking to me, we're besties.
Don't let "HIM!!!" be you!
#7 - Get to Know Her Family and Friends - I know that this can be tough since my family doesn’t live near me, but showing an interest in my family and friends shows that you are interested in hearing about the important people in my life. Ask how my weekend at home was with my family or about the fun plans I have with my friends that weekend. Better yet, remember the names of my sisters, other family members, or friends. Hearing that you remember that I’m hanging out with my friend Bon Qui Qui this weekend makes me realize that you were truly listening when I gave the play-by-play of my weekend plans with her earlier.

#6 - Support Your Local Chivalry - Contrary to popular belief, chivalry is not dead! Chivalry is a bit more about opening the door for a lady, though. It’s about the intention behind what you are doing - it's truly about having a servant's heart. Loving another is all about serving and putting another person’s needs above your own. “Acts of service” is another one of those fun lurve languages that I happen to like. It doesn’t have to be something huge, it's the little things that make a big difference, as long as you have the right intention. Hold the door for me. Walk me to my car. Help me put on my coat. Pay for my dinner... or ice cream... or both! When all else fails, ask: "Hey is there anything I can do to make your life as lovely as you are?" My answer: “Always, and yes, yes please.”

#5 - Don't Post Cell Phone Mirror Self Portraits on Facebook - Does anyone actually do this anymore? If you do, just stop now, and please don't ever ever ever do this again.

#4 - Don't Lay it on Too Thick - I have to disagree a bit with him here. Sure, don't be a creeper. Nobody likes a creeper. At the same time, though, it's ok to show that you are taking an interest in me, especially if you are showing that you are thinking about me when I’m not around! Text me when you see something that reminds you of me! Post a funny video to my Facebook if it made you think of the conversation we had earlier that day! Invite me to go try that new burger place you passed on your way home because you know I enjoy a good burger! Just don’t be over the top – if you find yourself wanting to lay it on thick all the time, then you should probably go read the message to the lads who are interested at the bottom.

Totally not kidding. You think I'm
kidding about not kidding, but I'm not.
#3 - Keep Your Hands to Yourself! - I'm not going to lie. I was at first offended by being compared to a candy bar. Then I realized how I get when I just HAVE TO HAVE CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW. It's like a destructive frenzy and bless the poor souls who get in my way. Old lady in the grocery store? Who cares. I need my chocolate NOW. So when he said to remember that you always want more candy bars (except with Oreos, of course), I can relate to the difficulty of putting on the brakes. Sure, I enjoy polishing off an entire package of Oreos in 15 minutes just like the next person, but when I spread out the Oreo love over a longer period of time, I value my Oreos a lot more.

Of course, I think that this is an over-simplified version of what men (and women!) tend to go through, but I think he makes some good points. One of the best ways to show me that you’re interested – and to get me to like you in return – is to respect me – including my beliefs, my needs, and my comfort level. I know that I work hard to practice the virtue of self-control, and I can’t even begin to explain how attractive it is to me when a lad exhibits self-control as well.

All of this being said, you also don’t have to be all middle-school-dance style. As my secondary love language (again, weird) is touch, you initiating respectful physical contact, like a hug or a little brush of the arm or the hand, shows me that you’re interested in more than friendship. However, respect that I place a lot of value on certain things that are reserved for the dating stage and other things that are reserved for the marriage stage, and respect that it’s important to me to only share these valuables with someone I treasure equally as much.

#2 - Make Her Feel Safe - I think this is the tip that resonated the most with me, oddly enough. In those first stages of spending more time together, one of my first thoughts is, “I feel safe and comfortable with this person.” If I don’t/can’t trust you, I won’t feel safe being me with you and therefore sharing who I am with you. I think the best way to make me feel safe is to follow #1.

#1 - Be Her Best Friend - I feel safe with someone that I trust completely, and people that I trust are those who have taken the time to get to know me and have become a close friend. All that talk about “the friend zone” with the lads just irks me, because why would you want to waste your time with someone you don't like spending time with? Strong and lasting relationships are built on strong friendships – trust, respect, and, for me, lots of laughter! The easiest way to be my best friend? Conversation. If I can sit and have a great conversation with you before realizing that hours have passed, then chances are I trust you, and possibly have maybe even considered the thought of letting you be more than my best friend.

So here’s what it comes down to, for me and for many other single ladies that I know.

Guys, if you read only one thing in all of this post, it should be these messages to YOU. 

Here, have a beer to get you through.

Take your pick!
To the Lads who aren't interested:

Yes, keeping chivalry alive and respecting and appreciating the lasses in your life is important... but don't take it too far. To put it bluntly, being led on by a guy absolutely sucks. Doing all of these things without having any interest in me whatsoever is leading me on, and leads to rejection. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but for a girl who thinks she is being wooed - to have that suddenly ripped out from under her feet - it hurts. It’s important that you aren’t lying with your actions. Saying, “You’re a great friend!” isn’t going to cut it – your actions have to mimic your words and vice versa. So please, be gentle with our hearts. Respect and care for us, but know where the line is.

To the Lads who are interested:

Trying out the top ten things goes a long way to showing me that you care, that you appreciate me, that you respect me, that you are interested in me. But speaking from personal experience and the experiences of so many others, I’ve been hurt by men who have done many of these things without having an interest in anything other than friendship. Each time this happens, unfortunately, I start building a wall up around my heart in an attempt to keep from getting hurt again. And, if you are showing your interest in me by doing all the above things, as much as I want to think that everything you do is because you're interested, it can be difficult to tear down the wall because I’m afraid of falling for the same lies again. This leads me to the #1 tip that isn't on this list but that you need to know…


Actions can say a lot, but actually saying, "Hey, I'd like to take you out on a date on Saturday night." or even "Hey, I like you as more than a friend. How would you feel about us dating?" means so much more. If you’ve taken the time with #1 above, I am going to trust what you say. I can't question words as easily as I can wonder about your actions. Obviously, timing is everything. Take the necessary time to get to know me and show how you care, but don’t putz around either. Otherwise, I’m going to start to think that your actions are meaningless.

Nerves getting the best of you? Don’t let them. If you’ve taken the time to get to know me and become my friend, all while going above and beyond to show your interest in me, then chances are that I’ve almost 100% definitely wondered about your intentions and thought about wanting to be just more than your friend, too. After all, this video was all about 10 ways to get a girl to like you. It maybe sorta kinda works.

Just remember, nothing says "I care about you," like actually saying, "I care about you."

You could also just send me this in an email.
That was a joke. Please don't do that.
Unless you've already told me, then go right ahead. I might laugh. Maybe.


  1. Love it! Sounds like we pretty much have the same love languages, and I agree, it can feel totally weird to talk about them like that sometimes! (Also, if there is a guy that I'm *at all* interested, I've probably tried to figure out his love language...)


I l.o.v.e. reading your comments!

I would love even more to be able to respond to them, so pretty please link your e-mail address to your name!

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